AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

Yes, I agree that nicer things in a lower income didn't pinch so much but that didn't make any of us middle class.

Things that are 'nice' to us, as you've said, aren't nice to the middle class.

Being top 10% earner in a poor country still makes us poor when compared to the top 10% earners in other countries.

We shouldn't have to work as hard as we do for the crumbs of bread we get in the end but that is Britain.

I buy clothes from Seasalt and places like that but would never pay full price, because it's the sort of shop that styles don't change year on year, probably for non fashionable people like me who just like reasonable quality, I get quite nice things in the sale or their eBay outlet store.

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

It is expectations that are out of whack.

Technically I grew up in a middle class family. We didn’t expect to eat out regularly. A new winter coat for my mum would last until it had holes in, then it would be mended.

We might get a coffee and pastry in John Lewis once a year at Christmas, and have a meal out in our home town about twice a year but sometimes less than that. We might have a couple of big day trips a year. Some holidays were self-catered in the Uk, some overseas.

A new book was a gift at birthday and Christmas; in between we had the library.

We had more choice buying food, clothes and material - a local market helped there. We ate a lot of seasonal food and very little “fancy” ingredients.

A lot of my clothes came from the school jumble sale or my neighbour who had two older girls.

We have had excessively “good times” in my adult life, and I feel we are being put
back to something more like normal.

Ordinary people can’t expect luxuries and treats just as and when. We’ve lost touch with common sense.

I do think agree that at one time being a professional with a degree and or post grad in a professional job did mean you were middle class and could expect a certain standard of living to rich but you could afford some luxuries much like my mum who could afford nice things on a relatively much lower wage than I have now. These days even if you have all that you are still poor but just not as poor as the very poor.

An £80 dress from Monsoon would likely not be touched with a barge pole by a wealthy person but its still a think twice or thrice purchase for people who are in the top 10% of earners in the UK.

I do think agree that at one time being a professional with a degree and or post grad in a professional job did mean you were middle class and could expect a certain standard of living to rich but you could afford some luxuries much like my mum who could afford nice things on a relatively much lower wage than I have now. These days even if you have all that you are still poor but just not as poor as the very poor.

An £80 dress from Monsoon would likely not be touched with a barge pole by a wealthy person but its still a think twice or thrice purchase for people who are in the top 10% of earners in the UK.

Again though, to get to these we have to walk through town - with kids who want £7 icecreams or £5 pastries after school, that is not an option people will want to do. Fine by yourself but who has time when you have kids?
Also libraries are fairly notorious for having weird men trying to use their computers for porn, we have a lot of youths and homeless who take over the parks, so saying kids should use these spaces isn't practical or often safe.

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

True I hear all the time about the cost of living but just take a walk down a small town high street. Coffee shops and cafes full of people ( often mums with small kids and the elderly during the day) then of an evening the pubs restaurants etc are still popular.

Many nice cars about also

The country is broke, wages compared to other countries are pitiful and the Government confiscates a shit ton in taxation. There is definitely a cost of Government problem in the UK. We are generally quite poor by international standards. Countries like Poland and Ireland are racing ahead of us.

I do think we should all make use of free things more (libraries, parks, galleries). I'm bad for not doing it myself but the amenities are there. There are also a lot of little side jobs out there for those that have the time (I know not everyone does).

But 40 years ago my middle class mum wouldn’t have been going into town to buy pricey tops, books and expensive skincare with coffee out- just because. We all used the library, she bought M&S clothes when she actually needed them and we bought doughnuts to take home. Skincare was oil of Ulay. People now think they should just be able to fritter money as if it’s an entitlement.

And yet every cafe is full, shops have been busy over the summer, enormous online queues for sport or concert tickets, huge music festivals, brand new cars everywhere, airports are so busy they are desperate to expand etc etc