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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

718 replies

cocobow · 03/09/2026 16:07

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

OP posts:
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Sunbringer · 03/09/2026 17:14

cocobow · 03/09/2026 17:12

I get what other people are saying that buying luxury goods isn't a middle class pastime but I do think the occasional treat was the norm back in the day. I rarely go shopping (it was only thinking of buying myself something as my birthday is coming up and I was going to give it to my husband to give me) and buy most of my bits second hand online or in charity shops and if new in the sale. I do think that in the past when wages were relatively higher or inflation lower and things just cost a but less things were more accessible.

I agree with previous posters that even as a student with zero money I could more easily afford to go to the cinema and get a drink with friends than I can now.

As a student you didn’t have a mortgage, full bills for multiple humans, food for you and children, children’s expenses/clubs etc to pay for.

Original poster
cocobow · 03/09/2026 17:14

bababamama · 03/09/2026 16:50

Clothes are relatively cheap compared to 40 years ago, I was paying £30 for dress early 90’s so £90 now is proportionate or cheaper. We didn’t habitually drink coffee out or even eat out until 90’s either. I’m sat in a sea salt dress and it was £65 3 years ago and still looks good, people have lost touch with reality due to cheap fast fashion

I don't buy cheap fast fashion, I usually buy second hand or in a sale if I am lucky and on top of that I rarely buy new clothes at all. Maybe you can afford at £90 dress but many people, most can't.

OP posts:
dingodan · 03/09/2026 17:13

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 16:40

But 40 years ago my middle class mum wouldn’t have been going into town to buy pricey tops, books and expensive skincare with coffee out- just because. We all used the library, she bought M&S clothes when she actually needed them and we bought doughnuts to take home. Skincare was oil of Ulay. People now think they should just be able to fritter money as if it’s an entitlement.

My mum bought make up, clothes and went to the pub instead a cafe. The high street isn’t particularly new

Fupoffyagrasshole · 03/09/2026 17:13

Yes agree

we used to go out for dinner once a week and order take aways and stuff -

i couldn’t tell you the last time o bought myself any clothes unless it was a necessity (like pants and socks)

kids stuff all vinted bundles

i can’t believe the prices of clothes in places like next

haven’t had a take away in about a year and we haven’t been in the pub or a restaurant unless it’s a birthday or something

we earn 30k combined more than we did 2 years ago yet we seem worse off

Sunbringer · 03/09/2026 17:12

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 17:09

Maybe we should be a bit more grateful for what we have- healthcare, safety, education, social security system and clean water. Maybe we should also recognise that we’re a tiny island which has given the rest of the EU the boot. We had it good, we made a mistake. Now we must pay and realise how tiny and inconsequential we are.

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Healthcare? Don’t make me laugh the NHS let my godmother die and have left my husband housebound and practically suicidal he’s in so much pain without a referral appointment for over 10 months when their own self imposed target is 18 weeks. We do not have appropriate healthcare in this nation.

TRS20 · 03/09/2026 17:12

shropshire11 · 03/09/2026 16:49

The country is becoming poorer. The state sucks vast sums out of the economy, where it would otherwise be spent productively, and spends it ineffectively on our behalf in a vast and unreformed public sector, and on its client voting class which is dependent on state handouts. We are stuck in this doom loop until we have a government that lives within its means and lets people who earn money keep it and spend it.

Could not disagree with you more. The rich don’t actually spend as much as you think they do, they keep it

Original poster
cocobow · 03/09/2026 17:12

I get what other people are saying that buying luxury goods isn't a middle class pastime but I do think the occasional treat was the norm back in the day. I rarely go shopping (it was only thinking of buying myself something as my birthday is coming up and I was going to give it to my husband to give me) and buy most of my bits second hand online or in charity shops and if new in the sale. I do think that in the past when wages were relatively higher or inflation lower and things just cost a but less things were more accessible.

I agree with previous posters that even as a student with zero money I could more easily afford to go to the cinema and get a drink with friends than I can now.

OP posts:
samthepigeon · 03/09/2026 17:12

Class is meaningless these days.

dingodan · 03/09/2026 17:11

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 16:31

I think many who think they are middle class, or have ever been, are misguided about what it means to be middle class.

An £80 top is not middle class.

If you recall, Kate Middleton (as she was known then) came from a 'middle class' family. They lived in a large, detached home in a prestigious area and send her to an elite university.

Her tops weren't £80. Although she was labelled as 'middle class' most of us would view her family to be extremely wealthy.

I think most of Britain is, at best, lower class and there are some upper lower class. Most people are living in poverty or just the basic standard of other countries like Australia/USA etc.

You will find this to be true if you travel and see the very shocking differences in the standards of livings between Britain and other 'wealthy' countries.

Britain is not a wealthy country nor does it have a wealthy population. Once we understand that, then we probably won't feel so bad when we can't afford that 'middle class' top for £80 and just accept our Primark polyester equivalent at £20.

On the other hand, accept that inflation for substandard tops at £80 is what the going rate is now for cheap clothing.

It's not a class thing. It's inflation with stagnant wages where the poor are becoming poorer.

Kate Middleton is UMC though

Howmanycatsistoomany · 03/09/2026 17:10

Sunbringer · 03/09/2026 17:08

I’ve never heard of men using libraries for porn in my life

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Me neither and I'm pretty sure the PCs in libraries will block access to porn sites.

nomas · 03/09/2026 17:10

Sunbringer · 03/09/2026 17:08

I’ve never heard of men using libraries for porn in my life

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I've seen some pretty bad search histories, although I haven't been for many years.

And of course they're too lazy to press 'Clear search history'.

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 17:10

Sunbringer · 03/09/2026 17:08

I’ve never heard of men using libraries for porn in my life

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Neither have I!

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 17:09

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 17:04

That's not really an accolade, though. Saying we're better off than lower standards doesn't equate to us having a high standard. It's just higher than their highest high which is low.

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Maybe we should be a bit more grateful for what we have- healthcare, safety, education, social security system and clean water. Maybe we should also recognise that we’re a tiny island which has given the rest of the EU the boot. We had it good, we made a mistake. Now we must pay and realise how tiny and inconsequential we are.

nomas · 03/09/2026 17:08

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65

Was that how much your mum was spending though, even considering inflation?

A £10 top was a treat.

Sunbringer · 03/09/2026 17:08

SmallDFartyCarNRG · 03/09/2026 16:50

Again though, to get to these we have to walk through town - with kids who want £7 icecreams or £5 pastries after school, that is not an option people will want to do. Fine by yourself but who has time when you have kids?
Also libraries are fairly notorious for having weird men trying to use their computers for porn, we have a lot of youths and homeless who take over the parks, so saying kids should use these spaces isn't practical or often safe.

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I’ve never heard of men using libraries for porn in my life

Original poster
cocobow · 03/09/2026 17:07

CurdinHenry · 03/09/2026 16:47

I do think we should all make use of free things more (libraries, parks, galleries). I'm bad for not doing it myself but the amenities are there. There are also a lot of little side jobs out there for those that have the time (I know not everyone does).

I certainly do! I was going to buy a book the other day but left empty handed knowing I'll probably get a book token for my birthday. I then went to the library on the way home and even managed to pick up a copy of a book I was looking at in the shop. I also get the odd lucky find in charity shops. I do use vinted and ebay for clothes and if we need some bit of new tech we will wait till a new version comes out and buy an older version as it usually dramatically drops in price. We went for a walk in the park yesterday and then came home and had homemade pizza as opposed to eating out so. I also do free galleries but many have closed recently in my city for obscure reasons and the buildings sold off.

I also think these days its getting to the point where home baking is cheaper and nice than the cakes you get in cafe's and shops and so I bake my own now.

I know that in the states where I have family that second jobs are not uncommon. My cousin and her husband both have corporate jobs that are well paid but they also both tend bar as the extra money they make in tips is amazing the down side is that they only get a one or two night together a week at most and its isn't sustainable in the long run once they have kids.

I already work a fulltime job which wipes me out and I need additional time to prep for my job all I do to make extra money is sell things I no longer want online.

OP posts:
Howmanycatsistoomany · 03/09/2026 17:06

DeftGoldHedgehog · 03/09/2026 17:00

Do you mean middle income or middle class? I don't see clothes or make up shopping as middle class pastimes.

I agree, nothing in OP's posts that suggest she's middle class to me.

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 17:04

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 17:02

We are hugely better off than the majority of the rest of the world which is why so many people want to be here.

Show quote history

That's not really an accolade, though. Saying we're better off than lower standards doesn't equate to us having a high standard. It's just higher than their highest high which is low.

backformoreofthesame · 03/09/2026 17:03

You are being unreasonable as you are focussed on the prices of the wrong things - stuff like clothes is cheaper than decades ago

and if all your money wasn’t going to the bank or landlord you would afford those things easily ( well not in your 40s - that’s the worst decade )

house prices have way outstripped inflation and that’s why your feel poor

wherethewaterisdarker · 03/09/2026 17:03

yes and it’s only going to get worse. This is not a blip but a symptom of a slowly collapsing system. The best (but hard! We are all products of our environment) option is to try and turn your back on capitalism/consumerism as much as possible. It is serving fewer and fewer people - but there are ways to live that don’t centre “stuff”. Try and adapt now while it still feels like a choice.

Beepen · 03/09/2026 17:03

Yanbu.
DH and I are in responsible, complex professional jobs with decent salaries but we barely ever spend on anything remotely frivolous or luxurious these days.
Our lifestyle felt better 15 years ago and at that stage we were more junior in our careers and had eye watering nursery fees to pay

Years of below inflation pay rises (public sector but senior) are grinding us down

Nightnova · 03/09/2026 17:03

You need to get yourself on Vinted plenty of 'MC' labels on there bought by us WC plebs.

SisterTeatime · 03/09/2026 17:02

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 16:40

But 40 years ago my middle class mum wouldn’t have been going into town to buy pricey tops, books and expensive skincare with coffee out- just because. We all used the library, she bought M&S clothes when she actually needed them and we bought doughnuts to take home. Skincare was oil of Ulay. People now think they should just be able to fritter money as if it’s an entitlement.

While I completely get what you’re saying OP, I agree with the above. My DM never went for coffee with friends, clothes were actually much more expensive, and high-end skincare and cosmetics weren’t really aimed at ‘ordinary’ people in the way they are now. We had meals out or fish and chips once in a blue moon. Dsis and I wore a lot of ‘pass on’ clothes (all nice but we didn’t always get massive choice of what we wore).

We weren’t poor and we didn’t feel poor. But I would say middle class luxuries were things like affording a bedroom each for children in a big enough house, music lessons, going on a non-package holiday (to France, not anywhere wild), Clarks shoes. Later on Dsis and I went to a fee paying school but we still had second hand blazers etc. This was the norm among friends, some had hols to the US or a fancier car, or maybe fruit corner yogurts every day!

Obviously things have changed - and I myself am addicted to buying coffees - but it’s easy to compare oneself to a standard of spending that’s only really existed for a short time for a few people. Also, before Amazon, EBay and Vinted it was actually much harder to get second hand clothes, books etc. so some
‘lifestyle’ things are cheaper and with way more choice.

ChocolateCinderToffee · 03/09/2026 17:02

DeftGoldHedgehog · 03/09/2026 17:00

Do you mean middle income or middle class? I don't see clothes or make up shopping as middle class pastimes.

They aren't, but it's a Mumsnet thing to try and make EVERYTHING a class issue.

NimbleTaupeTiger · 03/09/2026 17:02

I make all my blouses, dresses, husbands shirts, clothes for the grandchildren, summer trousers, nightwear and I knit all the jumpers. Granted, I love doing it and the savings mean I can change my wardrobe frequently because I'd really have to think hard about a blouse at £30 and a dress at £80 from the shop.