AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

I buy from Seasalt and don't think their prices unreasonable, in fact some of them have come down recently. I mostly shop on Vinted these days but bought a sweater in Seasalt the other day. They had a promotion, so I got 15% off and was told there was £9 on my loyalty card. So I bought a pure cotton jumper for just over £30. Great value. The labels that have gone way out of my price bracket are TOAST, OSKA, Poetry and Wrap. Even in the sale, their prices are high so those are the labels I look for on Vinted and I'm frequently successful.

Been reading this thread with interest as someone who actually lives in the US as a Brit. And while, yes, wages are 2-3 times higher here in general - most commenters seem to have no idea how expensive life actually is in the US.

And so many parts of life here cost WAY more than 2-3 times what they do in the UK. So here you go, for those wondering -

*Groceries - we shop in the cheapest supermarket around and don't drink alcohol and spend around $200 a week for 2 adults and a toddler.

*Kids activities - 45 minutes gym or music class, or playspace access - $35 (plus tax!)

*Full time daycare for my toddler - $3700 a month, and don't forget annual gifts and tips for the teachers expected to top around $500-1000 each year.

*Renting a 2-bed apartment in a non-central part of my city - $5,200 per month (and again, need to tip buildings staff out 1,000-1,500 at christmas, and it isn't optional).

*Toddler haircut - $65 cheapest including tax and tip.

*My recent miscarriage - cost us $3,247 out of pocket (and we have the "good" health insurance). Our deductible is around $6000 per year.

*Flights to other parts of the USA - minimum will be $250-300 per ticket - cheap flights don't exist here really.

*Eating out - at least $50 per head at a lower tier restaurant and all prices have a extra 30% on what you see once you factor in tax and tip (min 20%).

Other stuff we pay more for - monthly preventative medication for my dog ($45 compared to 13GBP in the UK), internet is around $100 per month.

OH and let's not pretend labour laws are remotely a thing here. My partner could get fired at any minute and we lose our health insurance. So (just to be sure!) he works from 8-6pm each day minimum, but frequently stays up until 1am working, starts at 6am, works weekends or whatever.

Anyway my point is basically that the standard of living here really isn't much better, and the level of poverty and related crime and so on is significantly worse than the UK.

An other point - since when did the meaning of middle class change to mean literally spending power? When I was growing up it was related to cultural capital, education refinement and so on.

Dh had to get something changed for his car insurance and to speak to a man and get them to alter the paperwork online cost 64 pounds. I was outraged , but it had to be done and that’s what they charge.
So many rips off. It all adds up.

I agree with you OP things are incredibly expensive.
Separating out the needs and wants isn't always straightforward anymore. Just affording the needs is a challenge for me (and I'm working full time).
X

I’ve just come back from a week in France. One thing that really struck me was the cars I saw. Mostly older smaller cars. Hardly any Korean branded cars, a very few German cars and some Minis around. But I didn’t see lots of brand new “flashy” cars. It was really noticeable. I think in the UK we prioritise our spending in strange ways.

‘The average family’ - average in what way &
from what demographic? Personally I know very few families in that sort of financial position.

You were going to buy something for your husband to give to you? Is that not pointless?

MdDonalds coffee isn’t that bad. A flat white is reasonable. It’s not quite as cheap as it used to be, but certainly not posh coffee places prices.

You’re right , Seasalt for example is pricey .
I get things when they have discounts or on sale and save up the Seasalt rewards to get money off my purchases .
Same with other very ordinary clothes shops like White Stuff and Fatface around £100 for some dresses I really liked so of course I didn’t get them .
We tend to go out for a coffee instead of lunch and we have a late lunch at home

Tradition class definitions are irrelevant, as they don't equate to a familys disposal income.

Kate Middleton's father was a multi millionaire.

The average family saves £2k a month, so not sure why £80 tops are an issue.

if you're near lidl, they do fab cold coffees for 55p in the sandwich fridge and a pain au chocolate is about 79p!!!

Totally agree - there was a similar thread a while back. Pre Covid we’d get weekly takeaways, go shopping for clothes etc on Saturdays then out for meals or drinks, cinema, gigs, weekends away / holidays.
Tbf we’ve also had a child & bigger house / mortgage since then - having kids I think is the main reason people have less and less money for ‘small luxuries’ or the lifestyle they used to live. Costs for all things child related are astronomical- from care to clothes to holidays.
The cost of living crisis had a massive effect.
I took my daughter to Costa recently which used to be a regular, at least weekly, thing for me, but it cost £15 for a (weak at that) latte, small hot chocolate, small pack of wafers and a tiffin. I’m sticking with Greggs / Maccy Ds!

So you do understand, gawping in Selfridges would have been an activity, something to do on the weekend as you say.

At least we got there in the end!

I think expectations are much higher. Where I teach, kids have piles and piles of imported shein/temu crap. They have mobile phones and tablets from a young age. Many of them also seem to have lots of expensive treats/experiences like concerts, musicals, trampoline parks, they all love eating out and going for coffees. Their clubs and hobbies are endless. We are not considered a particularly affluent area and I would suspect the average family income is fairly modest.

I had quite a privileged 90s childhood with nice clothes and toys and holidays, but clubs were brownies and community centre sports. We didn’t have many expensive days out or expensive technology. We have become used to more extras.

I don’t have children, so dh and I are relatively comfortable, but many of my similarly aged friends have had years of mat leave and nursery fees….and are now paying for wraparound child care. I can see how it quickly becomes unaffordable.

Yes people have forgot how pensions have changed. They used to be far better

You seem to have misunderstood, I personally don’t consider rewearing clothes equals frugality. I think she has a fairly lavish lifestyle, not sheikh level granted. Who said anything about poverty?!

Just agree to disagree, gawd! 😆

This is so so true having recently travelled to the US and India, life is getting better for other people. What we would see as relatively low income jobs here get paid what nurses get paid here!! People earn a lot more in the US for the same jobs and their money goes much further.

You are an adult now, your priorities have changed and that is normal. The girls buying expensive make up at sephora probably were not thinking “hmm no, I won’t buy it, I’ll put the money aside for my children’s university instead”

Its very easy for oldies (me!) to say we didn't spend on this and that but if these things had existed, most of us would have found them as hard to afford as folks do now & still wanted them (as folks do now)
I once made a faux christmas garland before you could buy such a thing, out of a broken 'tinsel' tree. For one tiny moment I was the envy of all my friends! & whenever the Christmas decs go on sale in the shops, I briefly remember that sad stringy little garland from yesteryear.
Seriously, there is so much now that it totally skews the idea of 'normal' consumption.

I’m 59 and this is the first time in my life I’ve felt flush. Still paying youngest’s rent at uni but have taken my lump sum and pension while continuing to work. Mortgage is paid off and I’m spending money on the house, on clothes and on books (lots of books). But fully aware that this is just good luck - teachers pension was a v good deal when I started 30 years ago and bought first house in 90s.

It has become like this now. Someone from a given class/place in society is significantly poorer than that same person would have been 30 years ago. Lots of things are obscenely expensive nowadays. I’ve cut dh’s hair since Covid and dd has cut mine. The prices skyrocketed. My mum thought nothing of goign to the hairdressers for a shampoo and set. I don’t even know what that exactly means! Makeup has become multi step artistry and “skincare” is largely a con. I do neither. And own none of those products. The people getting richer are the very very rich (8 figs, not 7!)Everyone else is getting poorer.

There’s lots of things at play:

• A profession requiring a degree and postgrad doesn’t equal a high salary. A teacher is on a pretty modest salary, for example.
• 30 or 40 years ago a teacher was probably middle class, but they didn’t have money lolling around for treats then either! My single mother was a degree educated professional, but we were poor.
• Expectations have changed massively. Some of that is new basic utilities to pay for, like mobiles and wifi, but it’s also what we now equate with a middle class lifestyle - a large new car, a detached new build house, an annual foreign holiday. And we expect more conveniences - prepared food and so on - than ever before.
• As a society we are constantly pushing for food, clothes, etc to be cheaper. We are unwilling to pay the true cost to the planet and its people. We have comparatively cheaper food than many other Western countries, and our own history.
• Other countries are getting richer, so the people who make our food, clothes, electronics, etc, are paid more than in decades past (though see above, we are still generally unwilling to pay at a properly decent level).
• Children are expensive. This is not a secret.

After tax and after household costs you are left with over £5k a week and don't think you are rich? Pull the other 1, pathetic brag post. What could you possibly be buying that leaves you too short to be spending £100 on an item of clothing if you wanted it

My income has barely increased over the years, everything else has massively sometimes, groceries, fuel, electric/gas. Back in the day me and DH would go to our local Wetherspoons with another couple two or three times a week. There were often "specials" for £2.99 to £4.99 including steak or Sunday Lunch. Not any more for a long time, sadly. They do not sell steak any as the quality/value was compromised. Now we just go once a week if there are the two couples. This means this summer time from June to end of August we didn't go at all as we were too busy with other things. When we go, we choose the all day brunch (2 sausage/bacon,eggs beans, chips) which is great value and I take some home to make into a fritatta/omelette for next day's dinner.

I sort of disagree with it on the clothes front. Clothes have got cheaper. Those monsoon dresses were £100 or so back in 2000 and they are about the same now. I've seen posts where vintage shops have got deadstock from places like BHS and Topshop and they've not gone up in price in 30 years.

I think that whilst wages seem to give you less spending power there are so many more additional costs our parents and grandparents didn't pay or weren't that high - internet, tv, gas and electric is far more expensive now. You'd buy just a moisturiser and not a serum as well. Going to a restaurant was for birthdays.

I do agree re the cost of the lifestyle, but I don't think it's because shopping has become more expensive, I just think the expectation of what that life style includes is a lot more.