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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel middle-class luxuries have become increasingly out of reach?

718 replies

cocobow · 03/09/2026 16:07

I had to go to the local shopping centre the other day to pick up a click and collect for my husband, new work shirts so nothing fancy! I thought why not make an afternoon of it as I rarely go shopping and I could maybe get a coffee and cake and even treat myself to a little something as my birthday is coming up.

I loved some of the clothes in places like monsoon and seasalt but it was all way too expensive dresses were £80 to £100 or more same with skirts which seemed to start at £65 and I know that isn't even considered expensive today but for me it is! I went for a look in the sephora as I love skincare but again it was all really expensive. The queue for the till was full of school girls buying things I wouldn't be able to buy for myself!

To be fair they were probably there spending birthday money and probably aren't spending money like that all the time. I suppose it just feels like the goal posts on these admittedly luxury items have been moved since I was in my teens and early 20's when I imagined that by my 40's I'd be able to at least buy some of these things or buy nice clothes now and then. My husband and I both degree and post graduate educated and work in professional jobs but we have to prioritise bills, the kids and food over luxuries. To be fair we have no debt at all and we will save for an buy large purchases cash mostly but I admit to feeling a bit personally deprived at times! When my mum was my age she worked in a call centre part time in the evenings and would go round the shops most weekend and buy herself a new top or other item of clothes and exclusively used clarins skincare, I use the ordinary, cerave or boots and superdrug own brand mostly and my clothes come from charity shops. My parents were working class made good but their disposable income seemed to go a lot further than mine does. We don't even have a large mortgage.

DH and I recently looked at taking a short trip to London as a joint birthday present to each other but the cost was so expensive we seem to have quietly shelved the idea.

In the end I had a look in waterstones but even that was expensive, since when are paperbacks routinely £14.99! I never even had a coffee or bit of cake as the selection of cakes looked dry and unappetizing but would still have cost £10 in total.

Am I being unreasonable to think the cost of a middle class lifestyle with a few luxuries has had the goalposts moved by quite some amount?

OP posts:
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GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:53

Britain is not a wealthy country nor does it have a wealthy population.

Depends on your definition of 'wealth'. The accepted statistic is that we're the 'fifth wealthiest country in the world' but people often actually mean quality of life.

cocobow · 03/09/2026 21:52

Kelticgold · 03/09/2026 19:07

You are an adult now, your priorities have changed and that is normal. The girls buying expensive make up at sephora probably were not thinking “hmm no, I won’t buy it, I’ll put the money aside for my children’s university instead”

I get that, I even said I understand they are probably in there spending their birthday money. I am not deluded to think that everyone I see in at the shops is out spending like that every week or even every month.

OP posts:
HollyhocksandPeons · 03/09/2026 21:52

GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:48

Working class never solely meant 'those that work'.

I am sorry, political economy clearly defines the working class or proletariat as those who have to sell their labour for wages. There has never been any other definition.

EasternStandard · 03/09/2026 21:51

GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:43

So, £60 an hour. Which isn't half bad.

It does sound low cost and fast still. Taking dc for a dry simple cut takes longer and is double plus that.

Genevieva · 03/09/2026 21:50

Sea salt uses high quality organic fabrics, so it’s always been expensive. They have quite good sales though.

cocobow · 03/09/2026 21:49

Gibgertea · 03/09/2026 18:10

Nobody needs to buy new books and should be using their library. Authors get paid when libraries buy their book and every time a book is borrowed. If we don’t use libraries we really will lose them. No way am I spending a grand on books every year when I don’t need to.

I do use my local library to the full extent I can and always have books out but my local library doesn't have many of the books I want to read, they cater to what has broad mass appeal which is fair enough so lots of crime fiction, fantasy and so on if I enjoyed James Patterson or Stephen King then I'd probably be happy but I want to read Claire Louise Bennett, Olga Tokarczuk or Michel Houellebecq, even classics can be hard to come by and once popular writers like Bernice Rubens or Angela Carter, they don't even have books by them! I do buy second hand and I always check charity shops but I am longing to read Olga Tokarczuk's The Empusium which is £14.99 for a paperback new. If I get a voucher for my birthday I will probably get it.

OP posts:
GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:48

HollyhocksandPeons · 03/09/2026 21:45

Sorry, me with my old thing again - there is no middle class - there is only bourgeoisie who live off their capital and don't have to work and there is working class - who have to work for a living - it includes doctors and university professors as well - because they WORK for a living. Obviously, there are richer working class people who earn more and poorer working class people, who earn less. Also, there are skilled working class people - surgeons, dentists, teachers and unskilled ones, even though I struggle to name a job that did not require a skill. And the sooner we realise that, the better for everyone - i.e. these mythical 'middle class luxuries' will stop playing on people's minds.

there is working class (it includes professionals, like doctors and architects and teachers)

Working class never solely meant 'those that work'.

Papyrophile · 03/09/2026 21:48

@HollyhocksandPeons I do love a class warrior. Knock yourself out love.

SweetnsourNZ · 03/09/2026 21:48

FlyingPC · 03/09/2026 16:31

I think many who think they are middle class, or have ever been, are misguided about what it means to be middle class.

An £80 top is not middle class.

If you recall, Kate Middleton (as she was known then) came from a 'middle class' family. They lived in a large, detached home in a prestigious area and send her to an elite university.

Her tops weren't £80. Although she was labelled as 'middle class' most of us would view her family to be extremely wealthy.

I think most of Britain is, at best, lower class and there are some upper lower class. Most people are living in poverty or just the basic standard of other countries like Australia/USA etc.

You will find this to be true if you travel and see the very shocking differences in the standards of livings between Britain and other 'wealthy' countries.

Britain is not a wealthy country nor does it have a wealthy population. Once we understand that, then we probably won't feel so bad when we can't afford that 'middle class' top for £80 and just accept our Primark polyester equivalent at £20.

On the other hand, accept that inflation for substandard tops at £80 is what the going rate is now for cheap clothing.

It's not a class thing. It's inflation with stagnant wages where the poor are becoming poorer.

I agree. I remember hearing about the professional class as a child, which I think covered educated people on an above modest income, but not actually wealthy like the middle class.

nomas · 03/09/2026 21:47

GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:43

So, £60 an hour. Which isn't half bad.

Yes, and it’s drop in.

GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:46

MeetMeOnTheCorner · 03/09/2026 20:57

@likeafishneedsabike There is a huge problem saying we can live without “stuff”. I think we should live without some stuff but only if you have bought wisely so things last.

However turning your back on buying anything just puts people out of work. I’ve just read The Times today: VW in Germany is planning to cut 100,000 jobs. Yes, I had to read it twice too. We just buy Chinese cars now and look what that means for German and other workers! Yes, bring it on say all the anti capitalist nerds. It’s a brilliant idea isn’t it until it’s your family without a job?

Plus what about the tax take? We need people employed and paying taxes. 6th form politics and illogical economics should stay in school. There will be no money to do anything if we don’t work!

But it's also a vicious circle buying stuff to keep people making stuff. It's a bit like perpetuating debt by taking out new loans to pay off old loans.

HollyhocksandPeons · 03/09/2026 21:45

Sorry, me with my old thing again - there is no middle class - there is only bourgeoisie who live off their capital and don't have to work and there is working class - who have to work for a living - it includes doctors and university professors as well - because they WORK for a living. Obviously, there are richer working class people who earn more and poorer working class people, who earn less. Also, there are skilled working class people - surgeons, dentists, teachers and unskilled ones, even though I struggle to name a job that did not require a skill. And the sooner we realise that, the better for everyone - i.e. these mythical 'middle class luxuries' will stop playing on people's minds.

there is working class (it includes professionals, like doctors and architects and teachers)

Papyrophile · 03/09/2026 21:45

@dingodan , at which stages of life though? We saved, but very little. We made investments in our early 40s that are still delivering a sensible income now we're 70.

GaIadriel · 03/09/2026 21:43

nomas · 03/09/2026 21:31

You’re right, it is low. It does take her 10
mins though. It’s 2 inches off the bottom, no layers.l, no shampoo.

So, £60 an hour. Which isn't half bad.

the80sweregreat · 03/09/2026 21:43

Do people save 2k a month ? Really ?

dingodan · 03/09/2026 21:41

The average family saves 2k a month @foursquares 😆😆

Papyrophile · 03/09/2026 21:40

I can get a bit exercised about the value of work. IM not even slightly humble opinion, most people try to deliver too much too fast, and fall short. I'd rather pay a bit more to have the job done well. Probably in a minority though.

nomas · 03/09/2026 21:31

Noodledog · 03/09/2026 21:28

£10 is less than minimum wage. I'm sure you'll say it's fine because the haircut takes less than an hour, but really? You consider £10 a reasonable amount to pay for an experienced hairdresser? You remind me of my ex MIL who loved talking about how little she paid for haircuts. Ironically, a middle class, liberal Labour voter. Wouldn't surprise me if she's on MN talking about how fantastic Andy Burnham is.

You’re right, it is low. It does take her 10
mins though. It’s 2 inches off the bottom, no layers.l, no shampoo.

Allergictoironing · 03/09/2026 21:29

foursquares · 03/09/2026 19:20

Tradition class definitions are irrelevant, as they don't equate to a familys disposal income.

Kate Middleton's father was a multi millionaire.

The average family saves £2k a month, so not sure why £80 tops are an issue.

Erm - I think you've got a decimal place wrong there! A quick search suggests average savings are £288 per month, and the median is around £180 per month. That's for the 80% who have any savings at all - 20% don't have any.

the80sweregreat · 03/09/2026 21:29

Went out with various vouchers I’ve had for ages for a pizza last week.
Not been in that particular restaurant for years and was astonished how much it was for a pizza that you can buy for 6 or 7 pounds in the supermarket. It was ok, but I wouldn’t have bothered without the vouchers and it definitely didn’t seem as good as it once was. The poor waitress was on at own , rushed off her feet and only had half the place open. The place and toilets were clean though.
It all feels such a rip off. Chicago town pizzas are just as good. (Maybe I’m just jaded by it all though ! Lol)

Noodledog · 03/09/2026 21:28

nomas · 03/09/2026 21:16

My haircut is a tenner because I’ve long wavy/curly hair that doesn’t really take to excellent cuts like a bob or the Rachel cut back in the day. So I just get a trim and conditioning treatment for £10 because getting 2 inches lopped off by a creative director at a London salon or my cheap local salon is much of a muchness.

£10 is less than minimum wage. I'm sure you'll say it's fine because the haircut takes less than an hour, but really? You consider £10 a reasonable amount to pay for an experienced hairdresser? You remind me of my ex MIL who loved talking about how little she paid for haircuts. Ironically, a middle class, liberal Labour voter. Wouldn't surprise me if she's on MN talking about how fantastic Andy Burnham is.

Middleclassblues · 03/09/2026 21:26

Windsurf · 03/09/2026 21:09

The cupcake fad of ten years ago signalled this ridiculous economy didn't it? I remember going to work and seeing a woman with a stall set up outside the work canteen selling little cakes with a massive pile of ludicrous icing on the top. She's standing there by a table full of these silly cakes she'd made. No-one was buying them.

Your purpose in life is to consume cake with a massive pile of sugar on top. This is the meaning of life now.

We are then taxed into oblivion to pay for your obesity, inability to work and for poor people from the rest of the world to run around after all the cake eaters.

Edited

Funny but true story.
My daughters close friend is a great little baker and 2 years ago in school she brought in delicious cupcakes 2 days a week, 50 x 2 days @ £2 each.
This is a private school and she did it as a little hobby.
Both parents are hospital consultants and she is now entering medicine.
She cleared £5k during that year.
She is a credit to herself, will make a fantastic doctor, but clearly has a great business head too.
I did however raise my eyes to heaven at my daughter/me paying this every week.
One day her father mentioned bringing a tray of them in for his surgical team and she charged him!
Great young woman.

Papyrophile · 03/09/2026 21:22

@nomas, I have curly hair (lots of it) that grows outwards not down long. I prefer it cut short because I am petite. Understanding my hair growth pattern is the skill that I happily pay for. I live on Dartmoor, and I see shorn sheep daily. I prefer not to look like George Mudge won the fastest shear!

dustabsorber · 03/09/2026 21:19

I use kindle because I am learning French and reading French litt. If I don't know a word, I can press on it and get 1. The meaning from the French dictionary in French. 2. Translation of the word into English.

tomatoplants · 03/09/2026 21:16

Agree to a point that I earn ok but have less money. I’m having to avoid buying things I might have a few years ago. I don’t buy many clothes now and we rarely eat out.

however, when I was younger it wasn’t the norm to eat out. I’d never see my parents with a takeaway coffee like I see a lot of people walking around now. We didn’t really get takeaways unless it was a treat or a birthday. Toys were for birthdays and Christmas and we circle things in the Argos catalogue. Didn’t have easy access to things like Amazon so it was a trip to b&b or similar to pick bits up. More effort meant less likely to spend more.

but on a whole I agree. I don’t go into town much or walk round the shops as I can’t afford to buy the nice things! And by nice it’s not designer I’m talking about - just standard high street like Fatface or next etc.