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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel upset by my husband’s holiday group chat messages?

209 replies

Ickinspain · 03/09/2026 14:34

Currently on holiday in spain with husband of 20yrs and our 2 children. This morning I was using chrome on my husbands phone as mine had no battery. I also checked his family WhatsApp group for updates on my mil who has been unwell. I happened to also look(snoop) on his friend's group, and was shocked and disgusted by what he wrote. There was a msg he wrote a couple of days ago referencing the amount of naked flesh on display. And then yesterday again he msged friends saying how turned he was by the women around the pool. Now we are at a very nice resort and most of the women are all very beautiful, slim, model-like bodies in skimpy swimwear. Of course I expect him to notice and have no issues with this. But for him to msg his friends what he did gave me major ick. It was a shock because ive never seen this side of him, hes always been respectful of women and just wondering if hes just hidden it well. I brought it up with him saying I felt it was gross and disrespectful to me. He says I'm making too much of it and it's just male banter and jokes.
So would you agree this is just how men talk or am I right to feel disrespected.

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/09/2026 14:56

I think it's as likely that the face he shows his friends is fake, as the face he shows you is. Men are socialised to be disgusting to each other.

Doesn't make it right though.

Oxo01 · 03/09/2026 14:56

You should have started saying small things about the men around the pool over a day or so if he quetioned it then you could have called him out on his messages. See how he liked it.

Tel12 · 03/09/2026 14:54

Well it's what a lot of men think. Gross but it's a fact.

vinhoepimenta · 03/09/2026 14:51

It’s disgusting but you shouldn’t have snooped on his phone so you are both unreasonable

Ickinspain · 03/09/2026 14:50

Ialwaysthoughtitwasadojo · 03/09/2026 14:42

YANBU that is very creepy to take the step to comment on it to other men. It's not a joke, as how is it funny? Is he otherwise ok? Makes an effort and makes you feel loved/desired?

That was my reply to him. 'How is that a joke?' Which he had no reply to. He is otherwise very loving and complimentary towards me on a regular basis. We have what I thought was a solid strong marriage which is why reading that threw me.

OP posts:
LilacBalloons · 03/09/2026 14:47

Yeah I would hate this. I just don't want to be near men who talk this way.

Ialwaysthoughtitwasadojo · 03/09/2026 14:42

YANBU that is very creepy to take the step to comment on it to other men. It's not a joke, as how is it funny? Is he otherwise ok? Makes an effort and makes you feel loved/desired?

Lexy2345 · 03/09/2026 14:41

He's bragging to his mates like a 15yo schoolboy. Look at all the gorgeous women I'm surrounded by! Utterly pathetic. He's a middle-aged dad and the women probably think he's a repulsive little creep, if they are aware of his leering gaze. Tell him to grow up. Hope MIL is okay btw.

Daisywhatsyouranswer · 03/09/2026 14:36

What a creep.

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