AIBU to feel upset by my husband’s holiday group chat messages?

It’s never their Nigel he wouldn’t do such a thing. Nor would their darling Stephen.

Must be a misunderstanding.
Someone hacked them.
Accidentally downloaded that within another file.
A friend took their phone.
I thought it was funny she’s just stuck up.
She led him on.

I thought it was you I was replying to. 😀
I just could not be bothered to get upset by this.

So far this year, five people who I am friends with have passed away, 2 of them young.
It just puts things into perspective. 'Oh no my husband finds women in swimwear attractive and told his mates'
Big wow.
Sorry for the rant though.😀

I'm with the 22% that said YABU.

He is human and just because he married you doesn't mean he stops being attracted to others.

And commenting to his mates is just saying "out loud" what he was thinking.

I'd be quite worried if my DH didn't find other women attractive. It doesn't bother me if he says they're attractive. Just because someone is attractive doesn't mean he wants a relationship with them.

I find other men and women attractive and will say so.

I really hate the idea that being in a relationship means you need go stop being human.

If he didn't write it down would you have felt better? Because he still would have thought it.

What wrote is the issue to me eg if he’s been asked how the holiday is going and he replied lovely hotel great food pools good and there’s so many gorgeous women i wouldn’t get my knickers in a twist, it’s just banter, it’s the bit about being turned on that is ick.

however I wouldn’t let it ruin my holiday, I’d be seeing if he is ogling etc before confronting

I had never been a phone-checker before, but a couple of unusual incidents made me suspicious. Female intuition is rarely wrong, but thats a whole different thread!

Ah yes, the secret life of men.

I have worked for many many years with mainly men, and I can tell you, they mainly disgust me. I am beyond the point of surprise. I always think ‘really’ when someone (on here) says oh no my DH isn’t blah blah blah, I’m think, you reckon? - I’ve seen it all from quiet Kevin, to lovely Simon. Those who aren’t like that are the minority. I’m also talking educated, high achieving, not just your builder types who get the finger pointed.

I’d move on, feeling a little more world weary OP

Absolutely, I echo this.

I am astonished by women who refuse to acknowledge male nature.

"My DH would never do such a thing"
"My son is such a good lad and would never"

Fair. If dh didn’t trust me and felt the urge to check my phone, I’d tell him there’s no point being together if the trust was that bad

"Women have very little idea of how much men hate them" as Germaine Greer said.

So many men are just pretending to see women as full human beings so they can have sex and outsource all the shit bits of being an adult.

Why are you on Mumsnet? Why can’t men just let women have a space to vent without getting emotional and feeling like they have to make everything bloody men’s rights activism? Go and put your energy into supporting dv victims or war victims and respect our right to safe spaces to vent

The difference being my ex really was cheating

If you go snooping, be prepared to find something you don’t like. Of course it’s natural to look but his mistake was putting it in a message. Move on.

‘Have a low bar’

Was wondering how long it would take for this line to be trotted out.

Some men, not most, men are like women, some of us have basic standards

No, I know!
It was me you were agreeing with haha.

Sorry, I meant throwing your partners phone in the pool because he’d sent messages you didn’t like didn’t make sense!

This. Most men if they think they can get away with it behave this way.

Sorry, I didn't word that well at all. I was agreeing with a poster that it would be childish to throw your partners phone into the pool.

Some women have a very low bar and think it’s ok for their husbands to text rheir mates they’ve a hard on about another woman when you’re laying there right next to him, it’s tragic.

Ah and you sound like my abusive controlling ex who accused me of cheating when I went on instagram

You call it secretly messaging, most would call it privacy.

Towmthings can be wrong at the same time.

I wouldn't be offended because I look great in a swimsuit, and I also gaze at other men through my shades 😂

If I saw a man with Henry Cavill's physique wearing his budgie smugglers and packing a mouthful, yes, I would tell my friends and be turned on!

I’d be disgusted if I found out my husband had invaded my privacy like that never mind what had been discussed in a group chat with friends which was never for you to see.

You shouldn't of looked at his phone. You can now make yourself miserable and spoil your holiday or think what an idiot he is and get on with enjoying yourselves. You have a solid marriage you say, so forget about it. Men are often stupid.
Dont carry on reading this thread because people love to work you up into a fury .

a) what is that difference?

b) the OP's husband didn't say that.

All heterosexual men notice attractive women.

Polite heterosexual men won't mention it to their partners.

Good heterosexual married men won't mention it to anyone, including their mates.

(But... if they are mentioning to their mates, is it actually awful to say that they are "turned on" by beautiful women in swimwear?)