AIBU to feel upset by my husband’s holiday group chat messages?

hold on a minute, who's to say we don't?
...if there's any honesty on here? and I think, generally speaking, there's a lot.
I've always referred to it as "window-shopping" (as in, "ooooh, there goes a very nice young man").
there's honest admiration of the form and there's creepy/slimy ogling.
tho' I'm vv old, I'm not averse to the sight of a nice young man in his swimmers.
what about Michaelangelo's David? that's high art and it's about appreciation of beauty of the human form.

in the eye of the beholder - that's what differentiation between ick and non-ick.

This

All men do this. In our absence they are entirely different and behave in ways they would not display to the women in their lives. I used to point out women who were good looking - this tends to short circuit DH's comments.

This is interesting because there's a woman on Instagram who (jokingly) suggests breaking the law in Italy so as to be arrested by Italian policemen. What follows is a series of pics of extremely attractive police officers standing around chatting (I think the crime rate must be low). See, I've noticed how handsome they are and at my age too. When I told my stepdaughter how funny it was, she pointed out how differently I might feel if it was a man showing pictures of women. Until she said that, I thought it harmless fun, now I'm not sure and have decided to stick to hairdressers and SchiTzus. Maybe.

Sorry for the multiple responses. I'll stop posting soon! I also don't really agree with the 'don't snoop or you'll find something you don't want to see / hear'. My husband / friends wouldn't find anything mean about them or worrying if they snooped, anything I've got to say I'd say infront of him or keep it in my head. Again not everyone is like this, but there is a difference between sharing things that are on your mind, and 'banter' which objectifies women

Also ita one thing thinking it, another thing commenting on it in the momebt, and to me it's another thing to tell a whole group publicly that you're thinking about snagging someone (that isn't your wife). I'd see it as a pretty public Diss. Appreciate other people have different views. I think the important thing is having aligned views in a relationship, as this has shown ita difficult when one person thinks 'it's only natural' and the other feels publicly humiliated

Women do this,just the same.Dont like it/don't want to see it ?Dont snoop.Simple.

I'd be really upset about this. Yes I notice other men, no I don't tell people about it or make it into something sexual (that I'm turned on) as it would feel disrespectful to my husband

Just wanted to say I am in Spain too with my husband and kids! I too am very very impressed with how well kept the women are! Good on them. Can’t say I noticed the men! Not sure why he would mention it to his mates aside from banter/bragging etc but really there is nowhere else to look. There was the most beautiful mum, slim, in just her g string bikini breastfeeding whilst in the coffee queue at the breakfast buffet yesterday morning!

Agree, as OP says, she'd never have thought of him as that's type of men, but they walk amongst us.

Most men hide it well and there'll be women on here defending their own husbands/brothers/sons etc but it is a fact, most men think this way.

Absolutely. Im thinking about when I comment about a nice young waiter or the bloke that comes to fit the new gutters or something

People dont dry up to a husk over the age of 21, people fancy other people, its human nature. It would be odd if we didnt surely?

And so you message someone in idle chit chat, saying, lots of nice looking blokes here round the pool.

So what?

I may get slated here but when my husband and I got together I took advantage of looking at Whatsapp messages when they were available because I wanted to know how he spoke about me to his friends, especially as a new girlfriend. I can honestly say i've never seen anything smutty, or even any reference to other women other than whether those in their friendship group were attending a particular get together. Surely that's not too unusual. I do think that's rude of your husband OP and i would call him out as you have done.

I can tell you, that women, especially women who've had a few to drink can be much much worse, commenting on good looking men! It's incredibly naive to believe that men or women don't communicate with their friends in this manner. It doesn't make them terrible people, who should be shot a dawn!

You shouldn't have snooped on your husband's phone. I've never looked at my husband's messages and he hasn't mine either. Why would I, there's no reason for me to do so.

This is why snooping is never a good idea.
But I understand how you feel, that would give me the ick and feel very insecure.

Male bravado and banter can often be crude, it's all for show. Sad I know 😞

You probably feel more upset because youve beem married for 20 years and he has a side you werent aware of. As long as everything else is fine then I wouldnt worry.

What would you think if a female friend messaged abd said there were some fit blokes st the hotel?

This is why you don't read other people's private messages.
I am not surprised you have the ick, but o good ever comes of snooping

Same!!

we were on holiday once and a navy vessel from the Netherlands was docked and they come to our hotel for the day! I must say me and a couple of the other women sitting round that day become very good friends as we watched them play water polo!! I also txt home to tell my friends!!

I would comment on some attractive women in skippy swimwear myself and I am straight

They weren't meant for you

Of course you would. But you and @Desmondo2021 would be doing something very different from what men do, because we live in a patriarchal society in which women serve men's needs.

Just as a male stripper is doing something very different to a female lapdancer. It's about the context of the society in which we live - none of these things happen in a vacuum. They have different meanings and significance depending on who does them.

I would never, ever look at a man in his trunks who is v handsome and fit, Ever, I wouldn't even notice if there were 10 of them 🙄😂

It what men do when they are not pretending to be respectable,respectful and not constantly objectifying women

Think? No I don’t need to, but you carry on with your thinking.

That's the point. They're doing something else when they write it down in a text and share it with other men.

Think.