ds has refused his first 2 days of year 7

Glad to hear that your DS went to school today

Hope it stays that way

I'm glad he's gone in today. How did he manage? Did you take him or did he go with his brother?

This was my thought when I read OP's reply. Without the pram, it's much easier to grab the 11 year old when he runs into the road.

I would have tried again when the 5 year old had been dropped off. It's not "Oh, whoops, it's 9.01 so I guess this day gets written off".

Sorry to hear you're still having such a shit time OP.

Seem to recall from a previous post you were going to get an appointment to discuss your own undiagnosed struggles. Did you ever get anywhere with that?

Hope your 17 year old is well and has found a new course to enroll in.

OP, you need practical help of other people, like his dad, your parents/siblings etc. to help you, because you are not coping. What about your new baby's dad, what does he do? You cannot go on like this, and even EHCP will not solve the problem of your son not being taken to school if there is no one there capable of taking him. Instead it will be used as an excuse for him to stay at home in his bedroom scrolling on his phone for years to come (because the help is not there, services are overwhelmed) and later claiming UC/mental health benefits indefinitely.

The secondary school can only do so much. OP ignored them and avoided contact to the point that she didn't know the 17 year old needed to apply for college. Schools cannot force parents to be involved.

The baby’s father is useless going off another thread where the 11yo had had a seizure and was admitted to hospital. The baby’s dad went work on his night shift leaving the 17yo to look after the baby, the 14 year old and the 5yo. The 14 yo has had some issues and it sounds like the 5yo may be ND too.
I agree that OP is possibly undiagnosed and unsupported. Thankfully she took advice from another thread and did t move in either the father of the baby.
All her children are here now, there’s no point asking why she had more. She needs support and ironclad contraception. Let’s not kick her when she’s down.

@dinosaursroars Has DS11 gone to school today?

In an ideal world yes, but realistically the 17 year old (who seems fairly sensible) is going to be a better help than the struggling 14 year old. And the 17 year old will be impacted by the chaos regardless.

OP definitely needs professional support, but it’s not always easy to navigate. She really needs support to access the support. Assuming all 3 have attended the same secondary school I think they’ve let the boys down really, they must know how much OP is struggling and how much it’s impacting her DC and their education.

I do feel for OP, she is almost certainly undiagnosed and unsupported herself. But shes been posting the same stuff for years about different children, and nothing changes except that shes added another one into the mix.

A slight low blow but if OP has claimed DLA for him and put the effort in for that then she can put the effort into helping him into school.

So not autistic then because autism is present from birth. If OPs son has had an official diagnosis then he is autistic and not because he hasn't had enough boundaries or snacks.

Autism is genetic but I think what merrybandofpirates somewhat clumsily tried to describe is the other spectrum of additional needs in young people, estimated to be between 40-60% of SEN which is NOT neurological or genetic but is a result of environmental factors i.e. poor parenting, lack of boundaries/discipline, multiple siblings clamouring for attention their parents cannot give, multiple partners in and out of their lives, addiction issues, socioeconomic issues etc etc. I’m not familiar with the OP’s posts but it sounds like those who are identify her as falling in the latter category. I can see why people’s sympathy is limited, given the cost of SEN for this section of the population which we all have to pay for.

I am not autistic but I remember finding it very daunting to have to get on a bus to a new area and a massive school. Imagine how an autistic child feels.

Everyone saying the school should have had a plan but no mention of the fact the OP aka the parent clearly had no plan, other than leave the parenting responsibilities up to the older sibling. Where is the father(s?) in all of this? Ridiculous to set off to drop an autistic child to a new school with a 5yo and baby in tow and then be surprised when it didn’t work.

Oh I know it @Katemax82

Trust me, unless someone has autistic kids they haven't a clue! (I have 3 and at breaking point)

Have you ANY understanding of autistic kids and school refusal??? Clearly not.
Op if you can't get him in school,the school are going to have to help you as much as they can (coming from a mum of an autistic year 9 school refuser)

OP isn't reluctant to involve the older two in childcare at all. They already do a lot, despite having their own issues with school/college. Her 17 year old needs to be parented- not to do more parenting for OP.
Neither OP nor baby's dad have money to pay for babysitting anyway.

That is very true and I am sure OP would be reluctant to involve him in childcare but paying him to do drop offs could be an option. We have plenty of teens in my area who do an hour or so after school. And if he is looking after the baby at the same time - the baby’s dad can pay for an hours babysitting!

I genuinely cannot see her putting in the time and effort to get an EHCP started. Me and my husband are at the mediation stage and it is a lot of work.

Maybe they know their child better than you? I have known that my son was autistic from about one years old. He has now received a diagnosis at four. You don't really understand autism. I could stop him climbing something twenty times and he will get back and do it again. He is two years behind in development. Maybe I should just slap the autism out of him. He might start speaking. 👍

What should we do, abolish autism?

Some of the replies on here are so clueless; really I’m jealous that you don’t understand it. Lots of us have to.

Her 17 year old needs to just be 17. I’d bet they’ve had a pretty hard life so far, multiple men and siblings. It’s really not fair to ask them to now become a parent because the OP can’t do it.