ds has refused his first 2 days of year 7

I hardly think homeschooling is the solution here with 3 other kids and an absent father? OP needs to be focusing on getting them all into school and working herself

Lovely attitude to a child with additional needs.
Op you don't need an EHCP to request reasonable adjustments at school to help with his transition to the new school

My son is autistic. Never missed a day of school unless for a legitimate illness.

Just drop him outside the school and tell him he's not allowed back in the house until school has finished. Parents are too soft on their kids nowadays. I would never have been allowed to refuse to go to school. It wouldn't have even occurred to me to refuse.

if this was an option I’m sure it would have been mentioned.

sadly it looks like this could and should have been predicted. You can’t drive but your kids take a bus to school? How do you plan to get there in an emergency? Assuming that’s a taxi, you need to get one now and take him in for a chat with head of year 7 or pastoral team. Letting him come home (to do what??) just extended the problem.

It sounds like you have far too much on your plate with 4 kids. Are you on your own? The 11yo needs attention and specialise support. How are you going to manage that? Are you working as well and if so can you get some time off? What family support do you have?

Yes I agree. And inclusivity is not the child being in the building as some LAs seem to think.

in all fairness the child hasnt gone to the first 2 days so we don’t know if school would go badly for him.

OP were there issues in year 6? maybe he just needs routine after the summer holidays.

can dad take him until he gets used to it

Indeed. Well done to the poster who advocates physical violence against a small child with a disability in order to make them comply.

[sarcasm]

Where is dad? You’ve got at least 4 kids there, and you cannot manage getting him into school when he is fighting it like this while you have all the kids alone. Dad needs to take a couple of mornings of annual leave and help.

You must get him into school, before it becomes too ingrained that he gets to stay home.

Why didn’t you take him in late, once you got the others all sorted?

Please consider homeschooling and try to get a place in a special school. I am ASD and refused to go to school in the 70s, because I had massive social anxiety and still have to this day. Things were different then and I ended up in care but by then I was 15. My ASD son who is now 35 hated school, he didn't refuse to go but even with what was then a statement of special needs and lots of help he still has trauma from his school days.

it's absolute bollocks Im afraid that 'crossing the barrier' will fix his probllems.

This may be a child who had a lot of invisible support and structure in primary that is now gone. He is expected to move between lessons/ teachers/ through anonymous busy corridors. Whatever they 'say' in their sen bullshit promises, the teachers will not have time to understand that there are autistic kids in their classes of 30 children.

Unless you have an autistic child who has been through this please don't respond to the OP.

Why are you teaching him that if he makes a scene he gets to go home rather than go to school?

He goes to school - end of. No if's or buts.

Why can't his dad take him if you can't?

@dinosaursroarscan I suggest you ask for this to be moved to the SEN board?

i have yet to meet an autistic child who was able to go through secondary school with no EHCP and no school refusal. A lot of autistic kids are fine at primary but secondary is a whole other board game.

Tread carefully because it’s his mental health at stake.

My autistic child lasted two weeks of Year 7 and we never got her back after that - she is now in an alternative provision part time - being funded via her EHCP

sorry op - mainstream is not for many autistic kids I have realised. It's simply too overwhelming and the family style support of primary vanishes.

Inclusivity is a pipe dream.

It sounds very difficult. You need to put the baby in child care asap if it’s affecting your ability to get your elder child to school.

He needs to be in, whether it is on time or late, as I expect the issues will be a lot less once that barrier is crossed.

The problem at DD2's school was the SENCOs already had so many kids to deal with. Even after DD got her diagnosis we were never offered a meeting with them in the three years she was there.

'Walloping your arse' clearly didn't do your critical thinking and world view one scrap of harm, did it?

Even if you lack basic compassion, you really should at least have more common sense than this.

Agree the longer this goes on, the worse it will get. You need to engage the school in the transition - meeting him at the gate, just stating for first lesson? Etc. Can you ask him what he’s worried about? Lessons, friends, getting told off? I’d be the squeaky wheel and be emailing/calling school until something is put in place.

Agree an EHCP would be helpful but even kids w EHCPs can refuse school.

I had a very similar situation with my son last year when he first started year 7. I would have to walk him to reception where he would cry and shout.( and was not the only child doing this.) Then we had to wait for a member of staff to just take him on the building. Which then made me late for work .He missed so many lessons the first few weeks where he was going to see the school nurse faking illnesses to try and get sent home. The school ended up paying for social worker to do a anti anxiety counselling course over six weeks and they really helped him. He still has the odd day where he doesn't want to go to school. But it got so much better after the first half term.

He has his first day of year 8 tomorrow and so far hes looking forward to his friends knocking for him in the morning so they cant walk in together.

DD has ASD so I get it.

Call the SENCO and ask them for immediate support. They should have had him in last term and made a plan he was happy with. Although I appreciate all plans can go to pot on the day!

Oh well I can tell you know fuck all about autism 🙄

You need to speak to the senco asap. They will probably suggest a soft start where you take him in later. You should have been meeting with them both with your son and independently in year six to come up with strategies. It's hard. I've been there with both my children but you do need to work with the school.

Dad needs to take some AL and help here. This is too much for one person to manage.

Yes that always works really well. 🙄

My first instinct with DD2 at that age was that she will be nervous but will settle in after a few days, and we just forced her to go in, as advised by school.

But it doesn't work. She started having panic attacks and ran away, both from school and from home, on the way to school. She was 5'7" already aged 11 and it was a physical fight to get her on the bus/ in the car/out of the car at the other end. It nearly broke our relationship entirely. She thought we didn't love her any more and that we hated her for not going to school.

Forcing them does not work and is now not advised by anyone who knows what they are taking about, when you are dealing with SEN.

We have a great relationship now, by the way, she did some GCSEs at home and is 17 now. It was a very difficult few years because she did want to actually try to go to school up to Y9 but a lot of the time couldn't manage it. College wasn't for her, she gave it a go, but she is working full time and is a very good and reliable employee, not one day off sick in a year. It really was just secondary school that was the problem. She had been great all through primary school, no attendance issues at all and got very good reports, so it was a real shock.