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Original poster

ds has refused his first 2 days of year 7

307 replies

dinosaursroars · 03/09/2026 11:37

my ds was due to start year 7 yesterday, he’s got asd but no ehcp which i was already concerned about

i don’t drive so he was going to to with his older brother (y10) on the bus but he wasn’t starting until today so I tried to take him yesterday but was also with my baby in the pushchair and my 5yo.

he got ready and everything but when we were walking to the bus stop he kept saying he didn’t want to go and was getting upset and tried to run in the road and it just wasnt safe as it was just me and also trying to keep an eye on my younger children so i gave in and we went home which probbaly wasnt great

Today I had to do the school run for my 5yo so couldn’t take him in and he was going to go with his brother as planned but he just wouldn’t get dressed he kept saying things like he wanted his old school and he didnt want to start a new school etc so again i gave in as he was going to make my other children late

have phones the school and the head of year 7 is supposed to call me today but hasn’t yet

I just feel like a failure already i was already worried about him going to school and how he’d cope but not actually getting him there i didnt think this would be the issue

OP posts:
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Sereine · 07/09/2026 09:11

Balloonhearts · 03/09/2026 11:51

Year 7? Seriously? He's what 10/11? He doesn't get a say in whether he goes to school. He does as he's damn well told, even if I had to drag him there by the bloody ear.

Discipline him. Running in the road wouldn't have occurred to me as my mum would have walloped my arse in front of all my new schoolmate for pulling that sort of shit.

Tell me you know nothing about autism without saying you know nothing about autism.

However, your mother's abusive parenting methods probably explain a lot.

plasticplate · 07/09/2026 09:10

Balloonhearts · 03/09/2026 11:51

Year 7? Seriously? He's what 10/11? He doesn't get a say in whether he goes to school. He does as he's damn well told, even if I had to drag him there by the bloody ear.

Discipline him. Running in the road wouldn't have occurred to me as my mum would have walloped my arse in front of all my new schoolmate for pulling that sort of shit.

I wonder if you have ever tried dragging a resistant 11 year old somewhere. I suspect not. It's not like dealing with a toddler.

Sussexserpents · 07/09/2026 08:46

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Absolutely this! Op has said her kids are clean, fed and have clean uniform. There are plenty of kids in all schools who are not and all staff are stretched dealing with these scenarios. There is not the budget and not the staffing levels to deal with every families unique scenarios and schools have to make triage decisions.

metellaestinatrio · 07/09/2026 08:07

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Sussexserpents · 07/09/2026 06:32

dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 21:44

i dont have anyone’s number

It’s very likely there is a class WhatsApp group. The school cannot add you or pass on your number due to gdpr so therefore are not officially school related so therefore you will need to ask one of the other parents about it. If you ask the school office they will likely know which parent is a class rep or they may be able to forward a link and you can join the group from there.

if you don’t have anyone’s number are you missing out on party invites? How do you arrange play dates. Does you son have a friend you can speak to their parents about helping each other out? If you don’t have a village in the form of family support you need to put the work and effort in to find your own.

Needmorelego · 06/09/2026 22:56

ButtercupYellow26 · 06/09/2026 22:55

Had you thought of repeating year six at his old school if he is just not ready for secondary?

It has to be extreme circumstances for a child to repeat a year in England.

ButtercupYellow26 · 06/09/2026 22:55

Had you thought of repeating year six at his old school if he is just not ready for secondary?

Needmorelego · 06/09/2026 21:55

dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 21:44

i dont have anyone’s number

It might be helpful to find out if there's a class WhatsApp group and join it (for your 5 year old).
It could help you keep in touch with the other parents for both friendship and situations like helping with pick-ups.

Original poster
dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 21:44

i dont have anyone’s number

OP posts:
Sussexserpents · 06/09/2026 20:12

at my DCs primary - if someone is going to be late by 5 mins or so becuase of the bus being late - they will message into the what’s app group and another parent is alway happy to watch their child on the playground for 5 mins. Do you have any friends in your sons year that you could message if the bus is late?

Sussexserpents · 06/09/2026 20:03

That’s good that he’ll have a positive association with- hopefully tomorrow will go smoothly.

you could try and offer to the senco to do the meeting over zoom during the day and then hopefully could ensure you get a meeting quicker.

Original poster
dinosaursroars · 06/09/2026 18:37

SouthLondonMum22 · 04/09/2026 12:50

I'm glad he's gone in today. How did he manage? Did you take him or did he go with his brother?

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He came with me to take my 5yo and then i took him and he was 15 minutes late then i picked him up and we got the bus to get my 5yo but i don’t know if i can do that all the time incase the bus isn’t realisable. he finishes at 2:55 and the primary finishes at 3:15. he did seem to have a good day and he was taking about board games at lunch

i have a meeting with my older sons head of ye this week but i am hoping to get a senco or head of year on the same day but i dont know if it will be possible it’s just make things easier especially if it was just before he finished so then we could just go

OP posts:
NeedANapAgain · 05/09/2026 03:34

dinosaursroars · 03/09/2026 16:18

I didnt leave my 14yo to manage anything. I tried to take him myself yesterday but he ran in the road and i panicked and also had my baby and 5yo with me so couldnt exactly run after him
and today he wouldnt even get his uniform on

Dont see why im being judged because i have a baby its not relevant ds would be like this if he were an only child or not anyway it wouldnt suddenly make any diffrence

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But if he were an only child, you would have had the energy/time/bandwidth to have dealt with his mental health much sooner and more proactively. The problem isn’t having five kids - it’s having two more kids when you knew number three needed extra time and assistance.

Cel77 · 04/09/2026 18:41

Ask for a meeting with the SENCO at the school. He needs help, you need help.

Stressedandgrey · 04/09/2026 18:13

Balloonhearts · 03/09/2026 11:51

Year 7? Seriously? He's what 10/11? He doesn't get a say in whether he goes to school. He does as he's damn well told, even if I had to drag him there by the bloody ear.

Discipline him. Running in the road wouldn't have occurred to me as my mum would have walloped my arse in front of all my new schoolmate for pulling that sort of shit.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this.

I would gently recommend going into the SEN board because I can see the ignorant idiots are already on here suggesting the would just slap or punish their child until they were no longer autistic.

If his impulse control and shut down in stress is reaching that level he categorically needs an EHCP. I say that as a former teacher/SENCo.

In the first instance I would contact school today and ask for some support.

PotatoLove · 04/09/2026 17:42

Good stuff, OP.

All the best.

Sussexserpents · 04/09/2026 15:00

That’s really good news! That is a brilliant first step. Hope he had a good day!

WonderWeeksArentReal · 04/09/2026 14:42

Great news OP!

SevenYellowHammers · 04/09/2026 14:11

dinosaursroars · 04/09/2026 12:47

every single time when i made a thread im constantly attacked by posters bringing up the fact about my sons college when it was over a year ago now. hes already completed a year at college and has just started a new course it’s not relevant to any of my new threads but posters cant help bringing it up
i dont make my older 2 do childcare either

yes ds has done to school today

Awesome! Amongst some good advice and empathy, there’s some horrible judgemental comments. Try to ignore them. This place can be a nest of vipers and busybodies. I hope you and yours have a great weekend!

FirmSnake · 04/09/2026 14:05

Glad to hear things are improving OP!

nocoolnamesleft · 04/09/2026 13:28

Well done for getting him in today. I was worried that the longer he went without managing to go in, the bigger deal it would become. And year 7 is already a big transition, so especially difficult for children who struggle with transitions. I hope he settles in okay, but I’ve known a fair few autistic kids who have gone from sort of coping at primary, to not coping at secondary. You may well need to brace yourself for the EHCP battle again. Good luck.

TeddieBears · 04/09/2026 13:23

So glad he's made it in today.

PinkFrogss · 04/09/2026 13:09

Brilliant news he’s gone in today OP, first time is always the hardest. I hope he has a good day and at least it’s Friday.

Did the school ring back? If not make sure you chase up today even though he has gone in. It’s important you’re proactive in him getting the support he needs.

dreamiesformolly · 04/09/2026 13:05

Blimms · 03/09/2026 17:15

Are you suggesting that society was better when more people hit their dc?

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I'm wondering this too...

Needmorelego · 04/09/2026 13:02

@dinosaursroars so good to hear he went in today.
Fingers crossed he has a good day.
Make sure you still talk to the SENCO and Head of Year to get support and just take it a day at a time 🙂