AIBU to call off our wedding ten days before the ceremony?

Dont do it. My mum was in this exact situation and did it. She ended up staying with my dad her whole life and now at 75 regrets her whole life with him. Its so sad.

Ty not to worry about them. You can’t predict things maybe they won’t mind as ,I h as you think.

remember from your point of view it’s your life a very big decision
for some of your guests it’s a wedding they care about you but its not going to affect their life as much as you - for most of them it will be a minor disruption in the short term

Listen to your gut.

Definitely don’t stay with him until they’re teenagers …I say that as someone with a 15 and 12 year old ! Those years between toddlers and teens are YOUR prime years, you’re young and have energy. Honestly by the time the twins are teens you’ll be exhausted living with him and will be a shadow of yourself. Sounds like he drains the life out of you. Give yourself and your twins a new start. You do everything anyway, so in many ways it will be easier not having him around and his shoes cluttering up the hall and his lazy body taking up the settee.

Dont marry him because you think you ‘should’. And no, you don’t need to pay for guest’s cancelled accommodation xx

I nearly called off my wedding the day before due to something my ex did. Felt the pressure to go ahead because all booked, relatives travelled etc. I should have listened to my gut. Wasted another three years with him. Worst mistake I ever made 😬. Marriage can be hard at times when you’re happily married, but bloody miserable when you’re not. Luckily I got it right the second time.

Getting divorced is costly and a nightmare. Don’t go and get married if you’re not sure. End it now, it’s much better in the long run. People can cancel rooms for refunds or go away and have a night away it’s no biggie x

That’s not very kind. She has very valid reasons not to marry.

Can I ask kindly if your head has been turned @ThisFunnyZebra ?

It’s a pain and maybe you should offer but you can’t get married just because someone has paid to come.

A scene.

Please don’t marry him @ThisFunnyZebra I know it is embarrassing and incredibly hard but just put a stop to it all. Sorry you’re in this situation.

The Registrar or Vicar etc. will literally be stood over them when it's time to sign the paperwork. Once it's signed, and witnessed, it's done. So she'd have to make a seen by refusing to sign it.

Honestly, this is a silly idea, she needs to call it off.

Call it off. You are not happy and don’t want to marry him, that’s all you need to know. Aside from
that - legally having to divorce only adds a whole other layer of complexity (and frankly money) to the whole situation.

Take it from me, I went ahead with a wedding that I didn't want to go through with, just to save face. Let's just say it's my biggest regret in life.

You will NOT be able to last until they are teenager's before divorcing him as he will be driving you crazy, you will find more excuses not to divorce him, oh their GCSEs, oh their A-levels, oh they are starting Uni, I cannot put them through the stress of their parents splitting whilst they do their degrees....trust me, rip the plaster off and call it off now. Do not go through with it.

Do NOT worry what others will think/say. That was what made me go it and trust me, I was lying in bed on the wedding night full of regret already.

And divorce costs money.

Call the wedding off.

Please don't marry this man. You will be utterly miserable. You will feel more trapped than you do now.

You get one life. This is not the way to spend it. Like other separated parents, you will work your way through it. And be happier for it. Just stop it now.

Don't go through with it.

Confide in a family member or a friend who can take the lead for you making the arrangements to cancel.
You won't regret cancelling - you will only regret going through with it.

Good luck
X

That would be wasting even more money, especially for the guests. Also, can you imagine having to fake this for a whole day in front of loved ones, knowing what you are going to do 😩. Horrendous idea, TBF.

Don't stay because you can't not see your babies sometimes, that isn't particularly helpful advice from family members.

Yes, it might he difficult at first but as your children grow you will value the time.
And it's likely it will be less than a 50/50 time split anyway, it might be that he wouldn't want to have them.that often if he's not a very involved dad.

But for now just concentrate on canceling the wedding and trying to have some couples counselling.
If you get too tied up in fears about what might happen (e.g "what if I lose my job?"), you will never act & you will stay unhappy.

Cancelling a wedding isn't the end of the world, particularly if it's the right thing to do - which it clearly is if you have so many doubts.

Op, why not go through with it but then just don’t register the paperwork after?

One or two family members have said I should stay with him because they know how heartbroken I would be at having less time with my babies and having them stay away overnight,

Do you honestly think that a lazy and selfish man would really want to get off his backside and look after them? He might try to at first but eventually his true, lazy, selfish, bone idle self will appear and he'll end up being the Sunday Disney Dad and fill them full of sugar during his spare two hours.

Don't stay for the children but leave before your anger and resentment makes the atmosphere more horrible, you've already said you bicker every day, it won't take much to tip this over into toxic. Get out now.

just pull the plug and call it off. Do it today. people can cancel accommodation this far out for a refund, hopefully and may be able to reschedule flights.
it will cost you far more to divorce later. Your kids are young and will not remember anything different. You are already doing it all, may as well do so without the resentment of having a non involved partner.

If you were my daughter, here’s what I’d tell you:

1. Call off the wedding.
2. Don’t implode the relationship. If he wants to end it—that’s his choice. But I’d be asking him to attend counselling and work on repairing the relationship. You’re in a whirlwind of bereavement and parenting twin toddlers, which would test even the strongest relationships.
3. Agree a date with him to re-assess whether the relationship is working—6/9/12 months?
4. Assess the situation on the date, and whether promises of improvement have materialised.

I was in your position many years ago, although the wedding wasn’t booked. The twins are now teenagers and I know it would be a million times harder now. I’m so thankful and relieved I did it when they were small. Never regretted it. You can do this

Call it off. Do not get married if you are feeling like this.