AIBU to refuse moving house if it means changing school catchment?

Not really the catchment areas are fixed but in Edinburgh (at least) but there's a lot of people who desperately want to live in certain areas for the catchment but they are not necessarily better schools with better teachers - just more middle class area with parents that will pay tutors to make up any issues with teaching

But I don't think the op is being unreasonable not to want to move from an area she's settled.

It’s broadly true but literally a street away can be the difference of going to the 12th best school in the country and the 295th

So the travel/commute was an issue to him before you moved, it will be hell when you have teens if you move.

Is he offering to do all the running around, drive when you go to BBQs etc?

OT but I often read on here that in Scotland everyone goes to their local school, and the disparity between a good and a bad school is much less. All schools are pretty good and there is not the obsession with getting into certain schools as there is in England. Is this true?

Having teens it’s so much easier to be somewhere where they can walk and get transport themselves. I would never move from that!

How much more is he going to be earning?

When you have teenagers, living somewhere that they can get out and about independently is absolutely priceless. No way would I want to be living somewhere rural with teenagers.

Adding to my previous post - I wouldn’t underestimate how hard it is for kids to adjust. People always say kids are adaptable - mine weren’t. The problem is that every time something goes wrong at school or with friends they look back to where they first lived with rose tinted spectacles. If you don’t uproot kids they never have this additional aspect when they’re unhappy.

I posted before reading your update. You’re in a fortunate position. Hope it works out for you all

It might seem “too big” for you, but your DH is feeling ignored and dismissed, like his feelings don’t matter. And it is not 3:1, it’s 1:1, your kids aren’t in the position to give an informed view- looking back to my childhood one of my biggest regret is the fuss i and my brother made when our parents told us they wanted us to move about 200 miles to be near my dads work.

We were so upset they didn’t do it, but looking back my parents would have been so less stressed and happier, we would have seen so much more of my dad (he died when I was in my 20s so this means something) and we would have adapted.

You are being selfish, if it means so much to your DH why can’t you give it a go?

I don’t think you should appease him, tbh.
He seems to think the whole family should revolve around his need for a big garden?! I don’t think you and your children should have to sacrifice your friends and social lives for his fantasy house.
He has his reasons and you have yours, but according to him yours are “silly”?!

To add, he seems to be wanting to recreate his idyllic rural childhood for his children. whereas the children have a great life here already. He is being unreasonable and very self centrred here for no discernible benefit to your family.

Are you sure he doesn't just want to isolate you from your support network? His language towards you calling you 'lacking in resilience' etc and the fact that he can't have a calm discussion is worrying for me.

These are the difficult dilemmas that make up marriage. I was in a similar situation to you except the move was over 2 hours away. Initially I ruled it out because of schools. However the topic came back a year later and my husband had found a good school in the new area.
Evebtually I reasoned that my husband was unhappy where we currently lived (though I was happy) and that would not make for happy family life long term. The headteacher at my children’s school told me they’d do well anywhere - “it’s the child, not the school” she said. It also made a big amount of financial sense since we paid off most of our mortgage.
I have to say that if you are relying on his promotion to pay for the new place is there a chance you may be overstretching yourselves? What if he’s made redundant? I wouldn’t want to be reliant on one person’s salary to make the mortgage in this day and age when companies can get rid of you at the drop of a hat and the job market is terrible.
Good luck OP - can you get the kids into school then move?

I always dislike it when a man uproots his family and moves them somewhere rural. It almost always ends up being that the woman and children become isolated.

Additionally I wouldn't trust any man who belittles the benefits of having friends and community links within walking distance. It almost sounds like he is sneering at your and dc needs . Be very wary @Holly11111

I definitely wouldn't be moving.

When did he move from the rural area?

Is he looking at it from when he was a child?

It is very different living rurally as an adults- many of my friends who moved away for uni move back and regret it/move again quickly.

Its a different lifestyle, even if only 10 minutes away.

Does he realise how much time a large plot takes to maintain (or costs if you buy in labour?)

What counts as a good school? Academic results? Behaviour management? Wider range of specialist subjects? Good emotional support? ASN support? Positive destinations after school? Size of school? Resources? Demographics of who attends?

I'm in Scotland and the schools near me are totally different. One is very academic with great exam results. But my friend who works there says it is 90% tutoring impact. If you aren't academic or have ASN its horrendous.

The other school is far less academic but amazing for vocational subjects, sports, outdoor education, really much better balance and more friendly. Thankfully this is our catchment school because the other one absolutely wouldnt suit my children.

Im I right in thinking this is Edinburgh? If so I wouldn't bet on school catchment being the same even in 2 year's tbh. Especially as alot of the good schools are overwhelmed just now.

Right I am not going full on LTB but one of my usual questions. Is this a deal breaker? I mean do you see any way that there is a compromise or is this line in the sand time?

How old are the kids?

Ignoring the major fact that he's belittling you for wanting the walkable and sociable lifestyle that you have, who would be maintaining this bigger garden that he thinks is more important?

Op says they aren't

Very possibly. High quality state schools are like gold dust and add thousands to house prices in the catchment area.