AIBU to feel hurt my adult son forgot my birthday

I don't think it has anything to do with me valuing myself. It's more that I don't care for specific days or dates. Haven't since I turned 18. Dh and Mil love their birthdays so I fuss for them. Personally I would much rather have a gift/something thoughtful that came my way because the other person felt like it- not because of it being a special day with obligations..

He should have remembered and done something. It does not have to be expensive or big. There are so many easy ways to send a gift/a thoughtful message etc.

However he does sound like my brother when he lived abroad. I would have to remind him to phone my parents on their birthday. (And just communicate with them on a regular bases so they knew he was alive).

Why don’t you value yourself more .

So many bullshit answers on this thread.

His behaviour is absolutely not acceptable, OP. I wouldn't be sending him anymore money.

I couldn't care less about any of those days to be honest. My dc Birthdays are important to me but my own not at all. Mother's Day is just commercial. I want my children to be kind and considerate every day.

My two adult sons are exactly the same. It makes me sad also but I am used to it. I now don’t worry overly about their birthdays. I send them a text and some money. Job done.

I once forgot my DH Birthday and I love him very much . I was going through a very busy time at work and I was constantly preoccupied . I am grateful that he didn’t take it personally and just laughed and was ok with it .

What rubbish. You can be secure and confident and still be a thoughtful person. If he’s big enough to be living in another country, he’s big enough to be told how selfish he is! Asking you for money after that - utterly selfish

Selfish and toughtless but quite common with uni kids.

I would tell him you are hurt and then forgrt about it.

How horrible. Happy birthday op!

I would never forget my mum and dad's. I never forget my stepmum's either. Some people just don't have it instilled in them. The cheek he had to ask you for money then after... maybe you should say to him I would have appreciated a card.

Absolutely not ok. Selfish and thoughtless of him.

He sounds a selfish thoughtless twat . Forgetting mums birthday but not to ask for money . Tell him no time to get a job.

I agree with this. This isn't a child, this is an adult man who is managing to live independently overseas. This small gesture of care for his own mother shouldn't be beyond him. Nor should the OP be expected to be glad he's so happy he forgets her until he needs money. She is a human being not a walking wallet.
If this was my son I'd definitely tell him how I felt.

As your child, it's his duty to keep track of his mother's birthday. If he has such a bad memory, how difficult is it to put a reminder in his phone's calendar? Its rude.

Who is paying for his lovely (and probably quite expensive) life overseas at uni hmm??

To me the son comes across as seriously entitled & selfish, even spoilt sorry.

To those trying to excuse him saying it’s hard to remember everyone’s birthday - you only get one Mum & personally I knew my Mum’s birth date off by heart from a very young age, I never forgot even during my 20s when we didn’t see each other very often.

He remembered to phone his Mum to ask for more money, didn’t he??

He didn't forget to ask for more money did he. The general consensus these days seems to be that young adults get a totally free pass on just about everything. But they need to learn to give as well as take, and not to hurt people. Otherwise they're being taught that it's OK to forget or not care and basically that other people's feelings don't count. They'll also get a nasty shock when they discover in the real world that not everyone is as forgiving as mummy.

To be perfectly transparent, I do sometimes forget family birthdays. Forget isn't even the right word. I remember that their birthday is coming this week, I am just generally not that well aware of the dates unless I make a point of checking what date it is today. Sometimes, I even remember when I wake up and think "I'll send a message once I get to work" or at lunch, or whatever. Then I get caught up with the day and suddenly get a jolt at 11pm. There is 2h time difference between the UK and where my family are so sometimes it does end up being "the next day" for them.
I have about 5 different reminders too and try to make a point to message as soon as the reminder comes in because leaving it till later has a very high risk of forgetting.
We don't do cards in my family so that part is easy.
I promise you I am not a selfish child. Nor do I not care about my mum. I do my best and sometimes fail at it.

He was here over the summer so could have easily left a little gift or card

That's a level of forward planning and organisation I would not expect from someone under 30, and even then it is a push.

It's a bit rubbish that he didn't call on the day. I'm sure he feels bad that he forgot on the day itself but he didn't forget entirely, he was a day late.

Cards are mostly a thing of the past - I don't know anyone under 35 who sends them. I'd just chalk it up to youth and being swept up in all the busyness of a university course overseas.

I hope you still had a nice birthday and that you aren't missing him too much.

Yeah that's shit, hope you had an other wise good day 🥰 mines tomorrow - daughter will remember and there will be a message when I wake up and presents when I see her (she lives abroad but we're meeting up next week!) But both boys... one of which still lives at home... I expect daughter will remind them late in the day tomorrow (not her job) and he WhatsApp will come at some point. They're crap at this stuff, it really pisses me off.

I was going to say the same. It’s not par for the course! I guess no reminder from dad? You are out of sight and out of mind. I’d be cross about the money request too. Has he a dad in his life? If he has, dad needs to step up. He’s very self centred and should be managing money - does he have Turing funding?

It's not par for the course. It's self centred. He's not a child and shouldn't need reminding of the basic expectations in a family.

If he were mine I'd send back a message 'Treat yourself with whatever you saved by not sending me a birthday present'.

I would not be sending him money.

Tosh! He's a selfish little git who remembers his mum well enough when he needs money. Which I really hope OP didn't send him.

Nope. I wouldn’t be standing quietly for this. Birthdays, Christmas, Mother’s Day’s and Father’s Days are when we should expect our children to show recognition and respect for the others in their family.

If you have a normal, decent, ordinary relationship with your son then informing him that you deserve due respect is, unfortunately, necessary this time around.

Lots of people do not send cards for occassions now

However, a text, phone call, whatsapp message should have been sent to you.

You should let him know that you were upset

Happy Birthday🎂🌻

He didn't forget, to be fair, as he messaged you the next day. 24 hours late, but not forgotten.