AIBU to feel hurt my adult son forgot my birthday

Tell him you spent all your spare money this month, celebrating your Birthday!

Agree with Pallisers. Outrageous. Selfish little git. Can’t believe the low bar. Couldn’t imagine ignoring my own mothers birthday.

He's at university overseas!! These days I'd not forget my parents birthdays but at that stage of life I'd have multi-days benders where I'd forget what species I was, let alone that birthdays existed.

No, because as I said, if a birthday is important to someone I respect that. Mil and dh love their bdays and I always celebrate them. That I don't teaches my children that we are all different and to celebrate those who wish to be celebrated and not make a big deal about birthdays for those who don't care.

Those excusing him are ridiculous. He’s a thoughtless git and you need to tell him you were upset as no doubt he will do the same next birthday. So he needs to be TOLD .

I totally agree with you.
My mum and I had our ups and downs but until she died in her 80's we never ever forgot each other's birthdays. We always exchanged cards and presents - on time - and would phone on the day if not meeting up.
I still think of her on her birthday.
Ditto for my dad though he died years before mum.
Hopefully this is an one-off omission by the OP's son.
Is this more of a son than a daughter thing? Genuine question.

I don't know where to begin with this thread. It feels like a competition to be the mother who needs the least attention or love. So many selfish young adults described here who will go on to marry and be crap husbands because no one ever said to them (presumably their dads didn't either) that actually other humans like to be acknowledged too and love is a two way street and "having your own life" doesn't mean you can piss on those who love you.

And at the risk of sounding "not my Nigel" all young people are not inherently selfish. Most of the ones I know (including my own) are not. yes sometimes thoughtless and get things wrong but not inherently selfish.

That teaches your child to behave a certain way towards their spouse and child.

It's nothing. Really. They don't attach any importance to those things when they are young. If he is a kind and loving boy in other ways forget it. They leave and have their own lives that don't revolve around you. Mine forgot my two surgeries for breast cancer. A bit hurtful but ok. He has his own life. I don't want him to be spending his student years constantly thinking about my significant dates. And really, once you get past 16 years old to be fixated on everyone celebrating your birthday is odd.

Reminding them? Why do that? I'm not that important.

It's not selfish or uncaring. It's just kids being kids.

My birthday is important to me, and there is no way that anybody around me would forget that it is my birthday. Because I remind them, and I organise things that I want to do.

Not reminding people that it is your birthday and then getting upset that they don’t remember is the kind of thing that my passive aggressive mother would do.

At least lol. Like the OP should be grateful.

That what calenders were created for.

Yanbu bloody awful OP.
What a selfish and uncaring son.

Having experienced this, my first thought was whether my son was ok, as it was the first time he’d forgotten. He was actually involved in a stressful work situation which had consumed him. NEVER would I send a shitty text or purposely forget theirs, as a grown up that’s just spiteful.

OP will you tell him how this has made you feel? I think that it is especially important to tell young men that these things mean something to you if they do, otherwise they will always devolve responsibility for remembering occasions to their girlfriends or wives in the future.

My kids are early 20s and they have never forgotten mine. I would be really disappointed if they had forgotten. We are a very close family and it is unthinkable. I am so sorry OP and a belated happy birthday to you. X

You go to trouble for his birthday because he is your child. You can’t expect the same level of care from a young person – they’re inherently selfish. And he did remember!

My mum once forgot my birthday when I was in my 20s and I didn’t care. I reminded her and we both laughed about it.

That's a bit shit, OP. It's not so much he forgot, as it sounds like he knew when it was. It's more he couldn't be bothered to message on the day itself. It doesn't take two minutes to send a Happy Birthday text, if nothing else.

My DS missed my birthday last year. But when I mentioned it, he was genuinely mortified. He has it written down in his phone, but doesn't actually look at his notes. Apparently calenders are for old folk.

Whilst it may not have been on the day, given he messaged the next day he didn’t forget.
My adult sons sometimes forget my birthday but tbh it doesn’t bother me. They are kind and thoughtful in other ways.

At least he messaged the next day. Very selfish I would be upset too.

Forget his Birthday. Say u thot we weren’t doing adult birthdays as u got nothing. A message on the day is not asking much. Don’t give him the money snd
when he asks why say cos you need it for
yourself to treat urself as noone else bothered .

Well surely you need to tell him how it made you feel and stop giving him money?

OP has clearly stated he didn’t forget.

Forgetting is forgivable, to be ‘not bothered’ is not ok. Can only imagine the people shrugging it off on here are doing so because they’ve had to accept their offspring are also completely thoughtless.

My dc are a bit younger but it wouldn't surprise or bother me if they forget my birthday when they're older. As long as the relationship is solid and secure and they're in touch regularly, that's what matters. I'd expect to be acknowledged at Christmas though as there's no way they could forget that date!

Love flows downhill (and sideways). Upwards is a bonus but it's unhealthy for dc for their parents to demand it.