Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to think my boyfriend is too soft with his daughter?

214 replies

YourShyLemonGoose · 02/09/2026 15:51

My boyfriend has a 3 year old daughter from a previous relationship who he has about 50% of the time. She’s a lovely little girl but I do feel like she pretty much runs the house when she’s with him, as he seems to have absolutely no backbone with her!
I know it comes from a place of love and he absolutely adores her, but I worry that constantly letting her have what she wants is going to make things harder for everyone as she gets older.
We’ve been together just over a year and I’ve lost count of the number of times he’s given in when she wants something. If she doesn’t want to do something, he generally just lets her get away with it rather than having a battle.
There’s also the potty training thing. Her mum has tried twice, and I don't think she was ready either time, so I’m not blaming him for that. But he hasn’t really carried on with it at his house either, and I do wonder whether things like that are going to become harder if there’s no consistency between the two homes.
I’m very aware that I’m not her mum and don’t want to overstep, which is why I’m asking here rather than trying to parent her myself.
AIBU to think he needs to be more of a parent and less of a friend to her? Or am I expecting too much from a 3 year old?

OP posts:
jimmyateworld · 02/09/2026 16:30

She’s still a baby op, I have a 3 year old and she is so bossy, little girls are 😆 I agree he needs to lay down the ground rules but as I said she’s so little, especially him not living with her full time she’s going to get the princess treatment ! You’re going to end up resenting her though op, believe me I’ve been there and it wasn’t until dsd got older I bonded properly with her and realised she was a product of her environment (also just her personality)

Idontjetwashthefucker · 02/09/2026 16:28

Newgirls · 02/09/2026 16:23

So he left them when she was 2? It’s all far too soon. If you don’t like his parenting now it’s not getting to be any easier long term

She might have left him?

Newgirls · 02/09/2026 16:23

So he left them when she was 2? It’s all far too soon. If you don’t like his parenting now it’s not getting to be any easier long term

OttersOnAPlane · 02/09/2026 16:17

You're not wrong, but there's nothing you can do about him wanting to be a Disney Dad.

I feel sorry for the mother, who gets to see her parenting undermined by a man to lazy or weak willed to even help potty train his 3 year old.

Boomer55 · 02/09/2026 16:14

Quitelikeit · 02/09/2026 15:54

Are you a mother?

I don’t think you are and until you are only then you can understand what parenting is like!

It’s not easy first time round either so give the guy a break

This. Until you’ve got a child, you cannot get it.

Lyra25 · 02/09/2026 16:07

This sounds like my ex husband. Our DD is now a late teen but he simply would not parent at all and let her do what she wants. We separated when she was 13 and at 14 she went to live with him as she got anything she wanted and the life of Riley. She missed two years of school as he wouldn’t make her go. I arranged an online school instead and he couldn’t even ensure she went to online classes.
your ex is indulging himself by wanting to be liked by her rather than doing what is best and being a parent
I’d give it a miss

fairygarden26 · 02/09/2026 16:06

I know a person like that she gets everything she's 6 now she started spitting and smacking now and there was no repercussions 1 time she smacked there was no u shouldnt do that it was like it's normal but I stay out of it

Nofeckingway · 02/09/2026 16:06

Stay out of it . Let him parent his child his way . Just don't offer to do anything for him that he should be doing . As a parent he probably knows to pick his battles by now and some things aren't worth arguing over .

Millytante · 02/09/2026 16:02

Quitelikeit · 02/09/2026 15:54

Are you a mother?

I don’t think you are and until you are only then you can understand what parenting is like!

It’s not easy first time round either so give the guy a break

Funny you should say all that.
I’m starting to think that non-parents, and possibly cats and dogs too, ought to be invited by government think tanks to advise modern parents about their primary responsibilities.

Catza · 02/09/2026 15:55

I try to stay well out of commenting on how my partner parents his child. If she is spoilt, that's no skin off my back. I only give my advice when asked for it.

EppingIsFun · 02/09/2026 15:55

This isn't going to get any better unless he makes an effort to change. Think carefully whether you want to remain involved.

Ablondiebutagoody · 02/09/2026 15:55

This won't end well. Get out of there a.s.a.p

Quitelikeit · 02/09/2026 15:54

Are you a mother?

I don’t think you are and until you are only then you can understand what parenting is like!

It’s not easy first time round either so give the guy a break

Ilikewinter · 02/09/2026 15:53

Sounds like hes trying to be a Disney dad. I imagine you'll end up stepping in and parenting if you stay together!