AIBU to think my boyfriend is too soft with his daughter?

Id not be with somebody who wouldn't parent.

So a first time Dad can't put boundaries in place for his child!

Probably more than a lot of parents you don't magically know it all just because you had a kid 😂 😂 also kids spend more time at school than home it's usually teachers that notice things First

Yup. It came out of nowhere. Every time. Never any clues.

@spirah The DD is 3 not 6. Not potty trained and dad making no effort. Op maybe should step in here. However the 50:50 arrangement is not helping this child. She needs consistent parenting, and she’s not getting it.

No judgement but I genuinely could not think of any man who I would move in with after 10 months, or in all honesty who I would even date when he had a two year old. Unsurprisingly he’s not a great dad, because if he was, he wouldn’t be moving in a new girlfriend and planning another baby so soon.

Do you, but objectively this is unlikely to end well for any of you, including the poor child who has no say in it whatsoever.

@YourShyLemonGoose please think deeply about what I am going to say as if you stay it will become the truth and you won’t be happy.

You have recognised issues with your oh’s parenting. HE WILL NOT CHANGE. As time goes on it will be different circumstances but same kind of responses from him. When you challenge his ways he will defend them and you’ll end up arguing a lot (he might accept your challenges now but in time he will fight you).

This child is being taught by him - she rules the home. This is MASSIVE and if it’s not corrected NOW at her age and moving on, you will have a child fighting you for her dad’s attention nd she will ALWAYS win, you will ALWAYS be second place to her in a way she sees and uses to her advantage (not her fault).

You want dc well, I hope you are aware your own dc’s rules will not apply to her. Your OH will tell you it’s different for her as she doesn’t live there/ can’t help it/ needs to feel loved etc etc.

Op please really think before ttc with this man. Think if you split- when he has your dc he won’t work with you just like he’s not working with 6 y-o’s mom.

Sorry but please get away before it’s too late.

@wishfulthinking25 Because she has a relationship with the dad and is concerned. She’s right to be concerned. Just because they are “bonded by blood” doesn’t make him an amazing dad. I’d be weighing up my future with him. He’s just lacking in parenting skills and op is right to think about this and her future.

You’re unreasonable thinking you have any right whatsoever to think your boyfriend is being too ‘soft’ with his daughter. They’re bonded by blood, why do you think you matter more than that relationship?

You have better options than this man!

But we are told, constantly, men hide who they are there are no red flags

Awful, this is one of the reasons I don’t think 5050 can work well. No one takes the lead on things. Children need a leader.

Of course you do. Ffs it’s like no one has any common sense anymore.

I'd think twice before dating a father of such a young child.

I think you need to thrash this out now before you have a child. It’s only going to get worse.

Since when is 3 not a toddler ? And you do know people can say baby to mean really young?
And yes bossiness can be part of personality traits, bore off with your judgment
Girls are sassy, they’re a different kettle of fish to boys, I know as I have 2 of them and one boy, i also grew up with 2 sisters and 1 brother, there’s a definite difference

You want to have a child with a man who shares fundamentally different parenting styles to you? Oh that'll work out well! 😂

This all seems like terrible decision making
Your partner introducing his child to you so early, never mind you moving in to their home!
He can't have been broken up from the mother for very long at all
And now you both want to TTC...why so soon?? Is it an age thing?
You must barely know each other.
If he's a crap dad with his current kid (and he sounds crap), he's going to be worse when he has a new baby and a preschooler demanding his attention.
I think you need to take a step back and look at your decision making

OP, unless you are positive that his daughter will become a joy to be around whenever she is with you (does not sound like it - and consider that she will be his daughter all her life and circumstances may change and she may come to live with you full time) why oh why would you tie yourself to him now that you have seen the writing on the wall?

It’s Disney Dad 101 I’m afraid and will only get worse if you can’t have an open and honest conversation.

If you bite your tongue and leave it, you’re faced with years ahead of you feeling resentment towards both your partner and his child so it needs to be addressed.

Just get out now OP. This is too much baggage right for you.

Why are you planning to have a child with a man you have only known just over a year???

Do not do it. You don’t even really know each other properly

You have been given something many women are not given: the opportunity to see what kind of father your children's putative father will be. Now you know, because you've seen it with your own eyes. What you do with that information is up to you.

What you must do is leave the father to it. That means hours of looking on and keeping silent.

On toilet training, consistency, persistence and the parent communicating confidence in a low-key way that the child is able to learn are key. Stopping and starting is confusing for the child. The older a child gets, the more independent they become and the less notice they take of what their parents want. It's one of the reasons too many children arrive in reception in pull-ups.

She’s not a baby! She’s not even a toddler! Little girls are not always bossy. That’s poor parenting. Yes, she should behave better than she is doing. In general, a three-year-old should be toilet trained.