Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was she right to expect dinner?

135 replies

openmouth · 02/09/2026 13:20

I had a friend over the other day we are both mid 20s she is actually a good friend from school but we don’t get to see each other as much as we went to different uni and different areas and so when we have got together it’s usually been a night out rather than to the flat which I’ve only recently moved to.
Anyway I invited her over for 4:30 and she came and I offered some snacks and wine and she said no I will wait until after dinner and laughed or it will go straight to my head.

I hadn’t said anything about dinner so I was surprised when she asked what we were having but it wasn’t a problem I just made a quick tuna salad and offered a jacket potato but she was fine with just the salad and enjoyed it.
She is absolutely not the cheeky sort so it was obviously just misunderstanding but it just got me thinking do people usually assume dinner if they are invited over that time as I was just thinking wine and catch up but she did stay until about 8 so it worked having eaten.
I know we should have communicated better but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it as I had only meant for drinks and hadn’t intended to serve a meal, not that I minded but don’t usually host dinner
She did bring wine and I know her well enough to know she would cringe if she knew it was a mix up.

OP posts:
ErrolTheDragon · 02/09/2026 13:28

4:30 is a bit of an odd time. If you’d usually met for a night out in the past it’s understandable she thought this was for dinner. This would imo be reinforced by you offering wine rather than tea or coffee at this time of day.

Ohdearnotthisagain · 02/09/2026 13:28

That’s a really odd start time to have someone over. Yes I would assume dinner.

Really it needs to be 3pm if you want them out before dinner time!

Star81 · 02/09/2026 13:28

If it’s someone you don’t see often and you are meeting for a proper catch up then inviting at 4.30 was where you went wrong. I would assume a meal would be involved at that start time

purplecorkheart · 02/09/2026 13:28

I think it would all depend on how you worded the invite. If you said drinks and nibbles then no. If you said call over for a catch up then maybe. Particularly if she is a person who has their dinner at 5pm.

Cosyblankets · 02/09/2026 13:27

430 and drinking wine i would absolutely expect to eat. How long were you planning on spending with her? Given that you don't see her that much

PurpleThistle7 · 02/09/2026 13:25

430 is and awkward in between time. I usually eat at 6 (I'm apparently a child) so for a cup of tea fair enough - I'd expect to hang out for an hour or so and then go eat. But if it's a proper catch up then it's definitely going to be dinner time.

Supersimkin7 · 02/09/2026 13:24

I’d expect tea and biscuits. Nice of you to give her supper, tho.

PermanentlyExhaustedPigeonZZZ · 02/09/2026 13:24

Unless you were planning on kicking her out at 6 so you could cook, surely you were planning on feeding her?

MelonSorbet · 02/09/2026 13:23

Yes, if you invited me over to your house late afternoon/early evening, I would expect that you'd be making me dinner.

Gotothelakesandlive · 02/09/2026 13:23

Hmm, with 4.30 as a time it’s a bit unclear.
Usually 3pm means tea and cake where I am, any later than 5.30 definitely means a meal.