Was she right to expect dinner?

4.30pm is a bit early for wine. It's not even 5 o'clock!

But yeah if you said 'come over tonight, arrive about 4.30pm', I would be expecting to be fed. Unless you clarified 'pop over for an hour or two' in which case I probably wouldn't. And most people (I'd hope) wouldn't expect wine then either.

Strange on your behalf.

What was your intention? That she would go home for dinner at 6pm ?

In your mid-20s (and with no kids ?) I would think drinks, snacks, dinner, possibly takeaway.

4.30 is an odd time to invite someone unless there is a specific reason for it to be that time.

her bringing wine and OP offering wine makes it sound like one of those friendships that only works if its lubricated with alcohol because otherwise they can't communicate with each other

Well seeing as your first thought (in your first post) was that bringing a bottle of wine indicates an alcoholic problem, it's obvious you're very concerned about alcohol consumption full stop.

I have been sober for 4 years because I definitely do have an alcohol dependence issue, but I have many friends who might have a drink with old friends in the afternoon who do not.

@openmouth I think you handled it well by providing food, but we've all learnt here that invites for this time of day are ambiguous and catering needs to be clarified in advance.

If it's an old friend you see infrequently and you normally meet for nights out, I think it's reasonable to assume that you would be having a good catchup and would be more than an hour or two i.e. there would be dinner. I'm sure you could have suggested getting a takeaway and that would have been fine if youj'd not wanted to cook.

If it's someone you see a lot who lives close by I'd assume it would be a cup of tea and quick chat.

I'm always really clear whether I'm offering a meal or not.

Eg "Would you like to come round after lunch? I'll be free from 1.30 onwards."

If I invited someone round at 4.30, I would expect to feed them. I usually eat around 5.30/6pm.

Drinks at 4:30 is a slightly awkward time but yes, I think I would expect dinner later on.

4.30 is a bit unclear but generally any invite from 4pm I’d assume includes food unless explicit otherwise

Depends how it was phrased etc, but 4.30 is a weird time for a visit.

Unless she was staying half an hour or so, yes, I would've thought it would be dinner plans. 4.30pm is going into planning meal time territory. 4.30pm is a really strange time to invite someone over for drinks otherwise?

Why would you offer wine ar 4.30 without dinner? Yabu op. If you wanted just drinks then you invite around 7pm onwards not the middle of the day?

I agree, it depends on what the plan was for how long she'd stay. Just an hour or so then no dinner required. If you were inviting her for the evening then yes, a meal should be provided, or order a take away. Can't really be drinking too much alcohol on just snacks (or I couldn't anyway).

Yes, why did you invite her over at 4:30pm? Tell her to come at 2pm if you dont want to serve dinner. Or meet out somewhere

where you hoping she would sod off after 2 hours?

If you were inviting a good/old friend around for wine and it started at 4.30pm, I would expect to be there for a few hours so I think dinner would be reasonably expected as the socialising would extend to the early evening. I would certainly prepare dinner for a friend that was coming round then as default. I would expect to feed my friend with either a nice meal or at the very least some plentiful, wholesome snack food (not just crisps or nuts or something). Unless there was a prior agreement that she would be leaving at 6 or something, then I'd assume she'd be staying into the early evening at least

I think it is an ambiguous time. How long were you expecting her to stay? Presuming you were catching up for a couple of hours then I would also assume there would be something more substantial than snacks planned.

I wouldn't want a glass of wine at 4.30pm, to me that is coming over for a coffee territory but obviously everyone is different! If just doing drinks I'd normally invite friends over about 8ish and be clear they should have eaten first.

I also love my wine but I wouldn't expect to be drinking wine at that time, unless it was an actual dinner 'date'! It kind of ruins the rest of the evening,unless you're the sort who goes to bed very early I suppose.

I eat about 7/7.30 so if there was no sign of food I'd have been leaving then as I'd have been hungry. If I'd hung on till 8 and you'd kicked me out with no food I'd have been very hungry (even though I know 8pm is a perfectly normal time for some people to eat food...)

Slightly odd timings though - I wouldn't have assumed I was getting fed - but if you'd invited me for 6pm I would have assumed food was involved.

I wonder if I've inadvertently ended up being fed at people's houses or not fed people who were expecting fed....

If I was going to a friend's house at this time I would expect them to mention food, be it them providing it or us going out for it. If I invited someone at this time I would assume they would expect dinner unless they mentioned otherwise. I would ask them what they'd like to eat, and say something like 'I'll cook XYZ is that okay?' I think it very odd that neither of you thought to mention it!

If they have a commitment at 16:30 that doesn't have an end time, I'd expect them to be wanting food somewhere between then and about 20:00. As you were expecting to be at your flat for at least a couple or hours then yes, normal for food to be involved (or if you couldn't provide it, to mention such to let them know).

I would definitely have expected dinner, just because she arrived at 4.30pm it doesn't mean she's expecting the meal sitting on the table when she arrived. She probably assumed she'd be there for a bit and maybe eat around 5.30/6pm. That's how I'd do it, I wouldn't expect a guest I hadn't seen in a while to survive on some snacks for the whole evening, although 8pm is very early to leave maybe she was starving.

I think the whole thing is odd tbh.

I don't know what time people have dinner but 4 30 is incredibly early for ut in my world. I don't see why she would have assumed dinner.

And her bringing wine and OP offering wine makes it sound like one of those friendships that only works if its lubricated with alcohol because otherwise they can't communicate with each other

What time did you think she’d go home? I wouldn’t expect drinks at 4.30 but no food to be honest. Maybe tea and cake?

4.30pm is that in-between time, a bit too late for tea and cake and a bit early for dinner. If she’d been invited for 5/5.30pm I’d deffo think dinner was on the cards.

A bottle of wine is entirely normal for someone who thinks it’s a dinner invitation. It’s the OP offering wine in the afternoon without proper food which is odd!

It’s a bit of a weird time tbh.
I wouldn’t expect dinner unless the host explicitly said “come for dinner”.

A 4.30 slot without dinner would be quite a short visit though, so if she was expecting a good catch up I can see why she thought she would be there over dinner time, and so dinner would be provided.

I think unless you specifically told her it was a dinner invite I think thats really presumptuous.
4.30 is afternoon tea time so yes expecting tea and cake would be normal.

Certainly bringing a bottle of wine seems weird - does she have a drinking habit? A cake or a box of nice biscuits would have seemed a normal offering from a guest asked round at afternoon tea time, not wine.