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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was she right to expect dinner?

135 replies

openmouth · 02/09/2026 13:20

I had a friend over the other day we are both mid 20s she is actually a good friend from school but we don’t get to see each other as much as we went to different uni and different areas and so when we have got together it’s usually been a night out rather than to the flat which I’ve only recently moved to.
Anyway I invited her over for 4:30 and she came and I offered some snacks and wine and she said no I will wait until after dinner and laughed or it will go straight to my head.

I hadn’t said anything about dinner so I was surprised when she asked what we were having but it wasn’t a problem I just made a quick tuna salad and offered a jacket potato but she was fine with just the salad and enjoyed it.
She is absolutely not the cheeky sort so it was obviously just misunderstanding but it just got me thinking do people usually assume dinner if they are invited over that time as I was just thinking wine and catch up but she did stay until about 8 so it worked having eaten.
I know we should have communicated better but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it as I had only meant for drinks and hadn’t intended to serve a meal, not that I minded but don’t usually host dinner
She did bring wine and I know her well enough to know she would cringe if she knew it was a mix up.

OP posts:

Growlybear83 · 02/09/2026 15:11

At 4.30, I would expect someone to leave by about 7 before I started cooking, unless I had specifically mentioned them staying for a meal.

Ceramiq · 02/09/2026 15:07

Dinner is at 8pm or later where I live so an invitation to come over at 4.30pm would most definitely not be an invitation to dinner or even an alcoholic drink but rather to tea/coffee. I think these things are culturally dependent (what time are meals in your neck of the woods).

redskyAtNigh · 02/09/2026 15:04

agri · 02/09/2026 14:54

That’s so weird of her to expect dinner. I would never think that unless the person had literally messaged me saying ‘do you want to come over for dinner?’.

Much weirder to invite someone you don't see very often and lives at some distance away to effectively pop in for an hour or so.

If it's a friend who lives round the corner, then rather different.

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 02/09/2026 15:02

agri · 02/09/2026 14:54

That’s so weird of her to expect dinner. I would never think that unless the person had literally messaged me saying ‘do you want to come over for dinner?’.

It's really not weird.

momtoboys · 02/09/2026 15:01

Yes, she was right to expect a meal.

Holidaymodeon · 02/09/2026 14:59

I wouldn’t expect food unless someone has explicitly stated it beforehand and then I’d offer to bring drinks and dessert or depending on the timings I might suggest sharing a takeaway

agri · 02/09/2026 14:54

That’s so weird of her to expect dinner. I would never think that unless the person had literally messaged me saying ‘do you want to come over for dinner?’.

Loub1987 · 02/09/2026 14:50

Yes, I would have served dinner or got a takeaway.

shhblackbag · 02/09/2026 14:49

theemmadilemma · 02/09/2026 14:12

4.30pm is a bit early for wine. It's not even 5 o'clock!

But yeah if you said 'come over tonight, arrive about 4.30pm', I would be expecting to be fed. Unless you clarified 'pop over for an hour or two' in which case I probably wouldn't. And most people (I'd hope) wouldn't expect wine then either.

Strange on your behalf.

Agree.

shhblackbag · 02/09/2026 14:48

Yes, inviting at 4.30pm I would be expecting to make or buy dinner.

Freeme31 · 02/09/2026 14:45

Yes 4.30 i would expect a meal

redskyAtNigh · 02/09/2026 14:43

mondaytosunday · 02/09/2026 14:36

No. But how did you word the invite? ‘Hey Anne haven’t seen you for ages come for some tea at 4.30’? If you just said ‘come over at 4.30’ I would not expect a meal as two hours is max for a casual visit and it seems pretty clear that is before dinner time. I eat around 7, and if having company I’d eat a bit later, so would invite 7 for 7.30 dinner. But I would expect some tea and maybe a cake.
I’m going to see my FIL this weekend and said I’ll be there at 2-2.15pm, clearly after lunch, so would not expect any food beyond a biscuit.

If an old friend who I scarcely saw and who lived in a different area invited me round for a casual visit for a maximum of 2 hours, I don't think I would bother going.

CorkedWellbeing · 02/09/2026 14:42

I don't think either of you are unreasonable! 4.30 is a tricky time, but clearly she thought she would be staying later into the evening (and she did!) so assumed there would be proper food (and there was!)
She definitely wasn't being cheeky, but neither were you in assuming nibbles would be all you had. Just a misunderstanding that you resolved kindly and well 🙂

Sunshineandgrapefruit · 02/09/2026 14:40

Unless you specified a very quick catch up I would probably expect dinner yes.

mondaytosunday · 02/09/2026 14:36

beaglescurleduplikebagels · 02/09/2026 14:34

If you weren't planning to provide dinner, what was your plan when 6-6.30 rolled around? Were you just going to kick her out?

DazzlingPony · 02/09/2026 14:32

I wouldn’t expect dinner at 430 no. I wouldn’t expect it unless the person invited me over for dinner tbh!

Partingofthewaves · 02/09/2026 14:29

I had a neighbour who used to invite me over at that time. She would then open a bottle of wine and sometimes some snacks, sometimes not. I never knew when I was supposed to leave and I don’t like drinking that early but it felt rude to decline the invitation. Make it clear what you are inviting people for is my advice.

WeatherbyGeorgeDupris · 02/09/2026 14:27

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 02/09/2026 13:41

I think the whole thing is odd tbh.

I don't know what time people have dinner but 4 30 is incredibly early for ut in my world. I don't see why she would have assumed dinner.

And her bringing wine and OP offering wine makes it sound like one of those friendships that only works if its lubricated with alcohol because otherwise they can't communicate with each other

Show quote history

Yes 4.30 is early for dinner but a two hour meeting is odd for people who don't see each other that much. If a good friend who I hadn't seen much invited me over at 4.30 I think I would assume I would be staying longer than two hours and thus that dinner would be involved.

godmum56 · 02/09/2026 14:23

I wouldn't expect dinner unless the inviter said "come to dinner"

TheVelvetCell · 02/09/2026 14:23

People also eat dinner at different times. If the friend is an early diner, say around 6pm, she'd be more likely to assume it was a dinner invitation - as a normal length visit would see her still there at what she sees as dinner time. That's why it's important to be clear about what is planned/expected.

Ponderingwindow · 02/09/2026 14:19

Unless the visit was meant to be under an hour, I absolutely would expect that was a dinner invitation.

risingup · 02/09/2026 14:15

I'd always expect food when invited to someones house, it's part of the hospitality socially expected.

As others have said though, 4.30 is a really odd time to have people round for anything really - other than a kids tea party.

NoticeTheFlame · 02/09/2026 14:14

That would be tea and cake time for me. We have dinner between 730 and 8.

Marellain · 02/09/2026 14:13

Maybe you could explain why you chose mid afternoon for wine without much food? I’m puzzled, and wouldn't be into that.

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