Was she right to expect dinner?

Hey, what's wrong with that on the odd occasion? I'm not in my 20's but sometimes needs must, and a chilled night is fun!

Surely nobody invites someone at 4.30 for dinner?

I would have assumed cake and coffee at that time.

But I tend to eat dinner around 8-8.30 so maybe I'm not the best judge.

I wouldn't expect to drink wine before dinner, so if invited round at 4.30 with wine being the plan, I'd assume we'd be eating. Nowadays as an old fogey, that would be a proper dinner, but in my 20s it'd probably have been an oven pizza, a garlic bread and a bag of preprepped salad.

Whereas we normally eat dinner about 8. That's the problem, people have very different habits and expectations. Though with friends you see often you will probably know.

I’d just show up and drink however much wine was offered until you began making noises which indicated either way that you wanted me to fuck off or that you were thinking about feeding us both. I’m pretty easygoing. But I’d also assume that if a good friend I don’t see often invited me over at 4:30, we’d be spending the evening together, because that’s how it is with my friends. You handled it fine, nothing fancy was expected, just some dinner.

No, if someone invited me at 7pm then I would be expecting dinner. I'd certainly clarify it it wasn't clear. At 4.30pm I wouldn't, unless I had travelled a long way

I think you always have to say. At that time if it is someone local it could be for a cup of tea, or for wine and nibbles (though slightly early for that). Unlikely to be for dinner unless you've explicitly said. If it's someone who has come a long way then I guess they might think they are getting dinner. But I think, regardless, you always have to be clear - I'd always say come at X for Y. Not just come at X.

Are you in your 20s?

peak Mumsnet. Why is it not appropriate to bring wine as a gift at 430pm? Why is it tone deaf? Jesus Christ. The pearl clutching. I’m sorry you have such issues with alcohol to the extent you can’t see that gifting alcohol is acceptable in circumstances that the OP has outlined. Stop projecting.

I think I'd only assume dinner would be cooked for me if it was mentioned. When in my 20s.

But if I was still there by about 8pm I'd probably be suggesting we get dinner. Not that she cooks, just ready meal or takeaway or go to a local fast food place.

I think as a host I'd probably feel obliged to supply a meal now I'm older. But in my 20s just drinks and snacks could sometimes be fine.

Would totally depend how the invite was phrased. If you said come at half four for a cuppa and a catch up I wouldn’t expect food. But if I was invited for wine and was going to be staying a few hours I would expect to eat. We’re quite upfront with each other though so me and my friends would either say ‘oh I’ll do food’ or say they can’t be bothered cooking and suggest a take away.

It is isn't it. I wouldn't have expected dinner as it would be too early and I don't make assumptions unless specifically invited for "dinner." I would have assumed I'd be leaving by 6.30ish if dinner hadn't been specifically suggested. I would have said thanks for the invite, I'll leave before dinner if I wasnt sure what was happening, or I'll get away and let you get your dinner. Then it would be up yo the host after that. I also think a couple of hours is enough, some people love to overstay, esp if just a cup of tea and biscuits

Yes I would expect dinner, unless of course you're the type to boot someone out after 2 hours.

The host had wine too.
Do they both have a drink problem?
Is that what you really think that 2 friends getting together for a rare catch up have a drink problem if they're drinking wine?

4.30pm is a really odd time

I would have expected dinner too.

I think adults tend to eat dinner later so I wouldn't have expected dinner. When I invite if I don't want to make meals, I'll say to come after lunch, or for snacks and tea, or whatever. I find this works well.

She was wrong and rude to expect dinner, if you did not expressly said 'Come to dinner on Thursday'. If she suddenly realised she was hungry, she could have said 'You know what? I fancy a takeaway - shall I order some for us'? To which you could have responded - no need, I shall rustle up a salad!

Nice to give her dinner. Supper is after 9. Just being picky. Had a whole conversation re serviettes v napkins with a friend a few weeks ago (it's serviettes).

How far did she have to travel?

If it's half an hour or more and at someone's home, at that time I'd expect dinner - but offer to bring dessert.

I think if she had actually been invited to dinner at a time considered normal for dinner then of course a bottle of wine would be a usual and welcome gift.

As OP hadn't mentioned anything about dinner to bring a bottle if wine at what is obviously the time considered high tea time is totally not appropriate unless the friendshiprealkly is based on alcohol.

Tbh I think taking a bottle of wine to drink at tea time , unless you are totally aware that the person you are giving it to is happy to start drinking in the late afternoon is pretty tone deaf. So many people really are now trying to live alcohol free or cut down on their drinking.

I think the 4:30 does indicate you would eat together. Whether that would you making something or getting a takeaway.

4.30 is too early for wine in my world…

It’s an awkward time to invite someone round really and everyone eats dinner at different times. We have ours around 6 so I would expect to be fed if it was a proper catch up and not just a drop in.

So if I was expecting a good catch up with someone id would expect to arrive at 4.30 and booted out by 6. As for bringing a bottle of wine, that's just good manners Where do you get she has a drink problem

It's a weird time. If you planned on drinking I'd expect food too at this time of day.

4.30 unless you told me we’d have a quick tea or coffee would insinuate a dinner as you’d be there until about seven and dinner to me is between 5 and 7. Well done for pivoting though, I’m the worst host and would have panicked !!!👏👏👏