Was she right to expect dinner?

Exactly that, I’d have hasd a late lunch or a good snack beforehand.

What did you have in mind? 4.30 for me would be tea and biscuits if just a short visit. If it's beyond 6, you'd surely make dinner plans? It's an odd time so I'm surprised neither of you discussed a plan.

Anyway, you managed to feed her and all fine, so I wouldn't worry about it!

Yes at that time I would expect dinner. Just be clearer next time.

4.30 is a funny time. I think if you invite people into your home you'd expect them to stay at least 3 hours, so then are they meant to go home a bit drunk and start cooking their dinner?

I don't eat until 8.30 but most people eat earlier than that. When I was a child 'tea' was on the table at 5.30 on the dot.

I think you should be clearer what the offering is - "come round at 4.30 for drinks/tea and cake/dinner" otherwise it leads to confusion.

Really? A good friend that you don't see that often, that you don't live near, and that when you do meet up you usually "make a night of it" - you would expect to be gone two hours after you got there?

Possibly pp may have meant she had a late lunch, or something a little more substantial first.

You'd have eaten your dinner before leaving for a 4.30pm meet up? So dinner at 3.30pm or similar? I can't ever imagine being able to eat dinner then, it's only a couple of hours after lunch.

A 4.30 meet up, I'd assume dinner was a given if I'd been invited round for the evening (and to me the consumption of wine would indicate 'making an evening of it'). Otherwise I'd expect a cup of tea and a biscuit & to be on my way home in an hour or so I could get back to put my own dinner on.

At 4.30 I'd expect a cup of tea and something to eat such as a slice of cake or a biscuit. Not wine. I wouldn't expect to stay for dinner.

At 4:30, I would expect tea and cake/biscuits, and be gone by about 6:30.

Although I have popped over to my neighbours for a quick glass of wine in the afternoon and not expected a full dinner, but that's because it's literally next door!

This is an interesting one! I probably wouldn't expect to come over for wine at 4:30 and it not lead to food. If you were expecting her to leave by 6 then the wine angle seems a bit strange. Basically if there is wine I'd be settling in for a good few hours ...

Agreed. Eyeballing dm in my mind. She is obsessed with 3 meals a day and snacks. I'm always prepared to make a meal as she'll expect one.
Funnily enough though, she isn't quite so regimented when we visit her, and waits until we've gone! 🤔

God if dm misses a meal you'd think the world was over. I tend to eat when I'm hungry which seems unpopular for a lot of people.

Yes I would have expected an evening meal unless you had specifically mentioned that there would be no food.

People are so obsessed with food nowadays. I wouldn't expect a meal unless I'd been invited for a meal.

I wouldn't necessarily expect to be given dinner at that time, unless my friend said she is cooking. So I would have eaten beforehand.

I would plan to feed someone if I had someone over at that time, but I would tell them I'm cooking and ask if they have any likes/dislikes.

Blimey, I seem to have upset people. It's just oven pizza, garlic bread and preprepped salad is low effort basic dinner as opposed to fancy, pull all the stops out dinner party food which I'd do if I'd specifically "invited someone for dinner". I wouldn't really invite someone round for oven pizza now, but would have done in my 20s.

Yes i would expect dinner at that time of day unless you specifically said “come over for drinks”

when we have got together it’s usually been a night out

So when you and she socialise it's for several hours at a time, not a quick 90 minute visit.

That's where the expectation comes from, I think - she was expecting to see you for most of the evening rather than being chucked out at 6:30 because you're cooking.

Don't invite people at such odd, in-between times in future. If you mean it as a coffee and cake style visit, say so when you ask her, or pick a less ambitious time like 2:30.

What's wrong with an oven pizza, garlic bread and salad?

Why isn’t pizza, garlic bread and salad a proper dinner?

I’m also an old fogey and I’d be more than happy with pizza, salad and garlic bread. I’m not sure I would want someone to be cooking a full meal for me so their attention was on the kitchen.

4.30 is not snacks and wine time.

It's a cup of tea and a cake time, followed by dinner a few hours later.

How far did she come /what was her journey time?

What were you expecting? Arrive 4.30, leave 6.30 ? That would be a very short visit for someone you hadn't seen for a while.

How long would it take her to get home? So if she left at 6.30/7 and arrived home around 7.30, she would then have to get herself dinner (and probably be a bit miffed about it)

I think YABU unless you said 'pop round for a cup of tea and a quick chat' and she only lives 5 minutes away.

IMO 4.30 seems like an odd time.

I would have asked if we were eating and how much.

I haven’t voted as I don’t think either of you were unreasonable in your thoughts really, that’s why it’s important to be clear in your invitation.

A lot of people don’t have their evening meal til around 8.00 but looking back, my grandparents would have had 12.00 lunch and evening meal at 5, as would my in-laws. My parents just slightly later. My eating times are all over the place.

I think if I was arranging a meeting without food I’d do it more mid-afternoon and specify tea/coffee and cake. To meet at 4.30 I would probably say for an early tea (tea being the evening meal).

These people know each other. And obviously the guest had no intention of drinking it in the afternoon.

It's not others " responsibility" to deal with people's dad's and lifestyle choices. If you want to go teetotal go ahead,as example nothing to do with me and not my issue