Was she right to expect dinner?

Onlyme7575 · 04/09/2026 08:01

openmouth · 02/09/2026 13:20

I had a friend over the other day we are both mid 20s she is actually a good friend from school but we don’t get to see each other as much as we went to different uni and different areas and so when we have got together it’s usually been a night out rather than to the flat which I’ve only recently moved to.
Anyway I invited her over for 4:30 and she came and I offered some snacks and wine and she said no I will wait until after dinner and laughed or it will go straight to my head.

I hadn’t said anything about dinner so I was surprised when she asked what we were having but it wasn’t a problem I just made a quick tuna salad and offered a jacket potato but she was fine with just the salad and enjoyed it.
She is absolutely not the cheeky sort so it was obviously just misunderstanding but it just got me thinking do people usually assume dinner if they are invited over that time as I was just thinking wine and catch up but she did stay until about 8 so it worked having eaten.
I know we should have communicated better but it wouldn’t have occurred to me to mention it as I had only meant for drinks and hadn’t intended to serve a meal, not that I minded but don’t usually host dinner
She did bring wine and I know her well enough to know she would cringe if she knew it was a mix up.

It sounds like you were only expecting her to visit for a hour or two,but obviously she did not know that.

Jane143 · 03/09/2026 21:54

PurplebudsWhitebuds · 02/09/2026 13:29

I think unless you specifically told her it was a dinner invite I think thats really presumptuous.
4.30 is afternoon tea time so yes expecting tea and cake would be normal.

Certainly bringing a bottle of wine seems weird - does she have a drinking habit? A cake or a box of nice biscuits would have seemed a normal offering from a guest asked round at afternoon tea time, not wine.

Edited

I always take a bottle of wine as a gift even for a lunchtime meet. Just as a nice present but wouldn’t expect to drink it

happylittlefruit · 03/09/2026 21:44

Unless she was going to be leaving before 6pm then yes I would definitely be doing dinner.

Indespair40 · 03/09/2026 21:38

It really depends on how far she's travelled because if it's up the road, then no I wouldn't expect dinner having had wine and snacks. Because I would have enough time to be there and then travel home. But if it was far then yes definitely Id expect dinner, logically.

DaringQuoter · 03/09/2026 21:32

Nice to give her dinner. Supper is after 9. Just being picky. Had a whole conversation re serviettes v napkins with a friend a few weeks ago (it's serviettes).

Unless the invitation expressly mentions dinner, I would not expect it.
Serviettes to me are paper napkins. Napkins are linen or some other fabric.

jjW29 · 03/09/2026 19:57

Why is everyone saying that 430 is such a strange and weird time to meet! Why? People can meet at whatever time they want,maybe OP and friend do shift work or maybe that was the only available time that suited both.
Also why is 430 a strange time to have a glass of wine?
With regards to the post,it depends on the plan that was arranged,if my friend said come over for the evening then I would expect some sort of food.How far did friend travel? She may have left home around 2-3pm so would have been hungry by evening

browneyes77 · 03/09/2026 19:53

I would never just ‘expect’ to be fed dinner.

And if my best friend and I go to each others houses we tell each other we’ll make dinner. So it’s always known beforehand.

When I’ve gone to other friends houses, around teatime, if they haven’t mentioned food, I will offer to pick something up on the way for us both. They will either say ‘great!’ or they’ll say ‘no don’t worry, I’ll order a takeaway for us!’.

Either way there’s some form of communication so we both know.

independentfriend · 03/09/2026 19:32

There's rarely a good reason for serving wine without a meal at a time when most people won't have eaten since lunchtime.

Tryagain26 · 03/09/2026 18:44

Yes at that time i think I'd expect a meal , if not dinner afternoon tea or something like that. It's a strange time to invite someone over for a drink

ImogenBrocklehurst · 03/09/2026 18:34

Can’t imagine inviting someone and not intending to feed them, to be honest.

BlueFahrenheit · 03/09/2026 18:26

I would expect a meal.

Sam9769 · 03/09/2026 18:24

Yes, you should have supplied dinner. Attending at 4.30pm for a catch up, an hour and a half later is around dinner time. Did you intend to turf her out at 6pm? If not, make dinner! Not exactly difficult, pizza and salad or an M&S microwave Indian would be fine!

likeitshard · 03/09/2026 18:12

What time do you normally eat? When would you expect her to leave.?
if someone came at 430 I’d assume we were eating but i eat 5/6ish .

Tuesdayschild50 · 03/09/2026 18:03

Id say come over after dinner say 7 for wine and catch up.
Just a mix up id say.

JLou08 · 02/09/2026 18:19

What were your plans for eating? Was you going to kick her own when you had dinner or eat it whilst she was there? Or did you plan on drinking wine on an empty stomach and not having any dinner?
You are a bit of an in-between age. When I was late teens and early 20s I'd probably do the day drinking and no eating but most people get to an age where they learn that's not a good idea! Your friend is obviously there as she said she would wait for dinner before drinking.

Dependsoncontext · 02/09/2026 18:14

CorkedWellbeing · 02/09/2026 14:42

I don't think either of you are unreasonable! 4.30 is a tricky time, but clearly she thought she would be staying later into the evening (and she did!) so assumed there would be proper food (and there was!)
She definitely wasn't being cheeky, but neither were you in assuming nibbles would be all you had. Just a misunderstanding that you resolved kindly and well 🙂

Agreed and life is full of misunderstandings/miscommunications/assumptions etc and the OP made the best of it.

MyCrushWithEyeliner · 02/09/2026 18:13

mrsm43s · 02/09/2026 16:33

Blimey, I seem to have upset people. It's just oven pizza, garlic bread and preprepped salad is low effort basic dinner as opposed to fancy, pull all the stops out dinner party food which I'd do if I'd specifically "invited someone for dinner". I wouldn't really invite someone round for oven pizza now, but would have done in my 20s.

I doubt any posters were upset.

redskyAtNigh · 02/09/2026 18:09

I actually think this is less a misunderstanding about whether dinner was offered but a misunderstanding about the level of friendship/type of catchup expected.

For an old friend who I hadn't seen for some time and didn't live nearby I'd expect to have a good catchup lasting a a few hours. not for them to pop in fairly briefly for a cup of tea or glass of wine and then go away again. it sounds like she thought you were down for a proper catchup, and you didn't.

Timeforachange26 · 02/09/2026 17:35

ComtesseDeSpair · 02/09/2026 15:55

I’d just show up and drink however much wine was offered until you began making noises which indicated either way that you wanted me to fuck off or that you were thinking about feeding us both. I’m pretty easygoing. But I’d also assume that if a good friend I don’t see often invited me over at 4:30, we’d be spending the evening together, because that’s how it is with my friends. You handled it fine, nothing fancy was expected, just some dinner.

Edited

Sounds like many an afternoon/ evening meet up with a late friend of mine. Often finished with a visit to the local curry house 2 mins walk away

AgnesMcDoo · 02/09/2026 17:34

A 430pm invite - id expect dinner

Timeforachange26 · 02/09/2026 17:31

user1471538275 · 02/09/2026 16:14

4.30 is not snacks and wine time.

It's a cup of tea and a cake time, followed by dinner a few hours later.

How far did she come /what was her journey time?

What were you expecting? Arrive 4.30, leave 6.30 ? That would be a very short visit for someone you hadn't seen for a while.

How long would it take her to get home? So if she left at 6.30/7 and arrived home around 7.30, she would then have to get herself dinner (and probably be a bit miffed about it)

I think YABU unless you said 'pop round for a cup of tea and a quick chat' and she only lives 5 minutes away.

Who made those rules??

Hadalifeonce · 02/09/2026 17:28

WeatherbyGeorgeDupris · 02/09/2026 16:55

Really? A good friend that you don't see that often, that you don't live near, and that when you do meet up you usually "make a night of it" - you would expect to be gone two hours after you got there?

Show quote history

Unless a night of it was spoken about, or plans made for food, I would assume on this occasion, that a short meet up was intended.
When I meet up with long distance friends, plans are generally, properly communicated.

Contain4 · 02/09/2026 17:23

If someone invited me over at that time and we expected I’d stay longer than a couple hours, then I’d assume we’d eat a meal.

I wouldn’t assume you were cooking though but assume we’d at least order a takeaway or go out for a meal.

At the very least I’d assume substantial snacks/light meal like crackers or sandwich or something.

Sunbringer · 02/09/2026 17:21

If you invite someone over at 4.30 yes I would expect dinner.

WhereYouLeftIt · 02/09/2026 17:05

You invited her for 4.30pm, how long did you expect her to be there? At least a couple of hours, surely? Which takes you to 6.30 - 7pm, by which time most people would either have eaten or be about to eat their evening meal.

It's a bit of an odd time for an invite.