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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to consider quitting my job?

61 replies

GreenBayTractor87 · 02/09/2026 11:49

I cannot decide which is best for my family and have no idea how to figure out the route forward, and would appreciate anyone’s thoughts.

Firstly, I recognise that I’m in a very fortunate position. I have worked my butt off for the last however many years, and have gotten to a senior position at the company I work for. Likewise, my husband works in quite a senior position, and our salaries are roughly equal.

We have a 3 year old, who currently goes to nursery 5 days a week, and I have flexed my hours so that I finish at 3pm for pick-up. We don’t really have any family to rely on for childcare, beyond the odd day here and there, and I’m starting to really worry about school holidays etc. when the time comes.

I am good at my job but it causes me a lot of stress. I am quite often working out of hours, including sorting emails/calls from the park after nursery pick up, and I rarely get a non-working evening, even on the weekends. I’m tired all of the time, my husband and I snip at each other a lot, I wouldn’t say full on arguing but definitely bickering and moodiness and we struggle keeping on top of housework, exercise routines etc. due to us both having full-on jobs.

All of our bills and household expenses fit into one salary, although doesn’t leave much spare income on one salary, so we have been questioning lately whether I should leave my role and become a SAHM.

Pros - a lot less stress, I can take housework off my husbands plate (we split 50/50 at the moment, my husband taking more of it on just because I happen to do more of the childcare due to my hours). I can cook healthy meals as I’ll have the time and energy, I can be more “in the moment” with my DD when I’m with her. Hopefully the knock on would be that myself and my husband feel happier in our marriage also. We also won’t really have to worry about school holidays.

Cons - significantly less money. We can make it work but it would definitely be tighter. We’re quite used to not really having to worry about affording days out etc. at the moment and I am worried if there is some sort of recession or something we would be screwed.

I can’t work out whether the best thing for our family would be to be financially secure, or mentally happier. I know that sounds silly, money isn’t everything, but will the financial worries just take over from the current work stress?

I know some people will suggest part-time but that’s not possible in my role.

We also want a second child but worried we won’t be able to physically cope with another baby when we’re already so stressed with work stuff.

Has anyone been in a similar position?

My heart says quit my job but am I being a fool in the current climate?

OP posts:
OnlyUsername · 02/09/2026 12:37

AndnowIneedanewname · 02/09/2026 12:05

Get a different less stressful job? That's what I did. You can always go back to more stressful/better paid in a few years.

I did this too. I recently changed role from PT job to PT job, but did get interviews for FT roles - as long as you keep working you can move hours and levels of responsibility relatively easily in my experience.

Obviously if you're in some careers then this may not work (for example there are very few child-friendly veterinary practices as you have to do on-call shifts).

There are also quite a few part time jobs about because, sadly, firms are looking to replace FT roles with PT to save cash.

WaitingForAutumm · 02/09/2026 12:34

Do not quit your job and make yourself SAHM / jobless / moneyless / throw away a career you’ve worked so hard at.

Do not re-divide the responsibilities such that you get more than 50%. This will never go back to 50-50 once you are on that slippery slope.

If you must - look for lower paid, less stressful roles so that YOUR job stress is lower. Even this is changing your career trajectory but might be a worthwhile sacrifice for your own sanity.

Don’t put yourself second. You’ll never recover from it.

Plus read through the numerous threads here of women who’ve quit jobs and then been left high and dry by their husband. You never think it will happen to you - until it does.

MJagain · 02/09/2026 12:31

Why can’t you do part time?
I don’t mean 4 days (often a trap for same work, less money ). I mean a proper 2.5day/week with a job share partner.
Work might not love the idea, but this is a marathon but a sprint and there should be ways to make it work. Even CEOs have a joint model.

PuppiesProzacProsecco · 02/09/2026 12:26

Absolutely do not do this OP. See all the threads on here about SAHMs being trapped in a loveless or abusive marriage for reference.

Backedoffhackedoff · 02/09/2026 12:09

Has your DH considered leaving his role and being a SAHP too?

Swiftsmith · 02/09/2026 12:05

Couldn't you do part time in a different, less stressful role if you found you needed some extra income? Once your child is at school you will have time.

AndnowIneedanewname · 02/09/2026 12:05

Get a different less stressful job? That's what I did. You can always go back to more stressful/better paid in a few years.

WerewolfOfLoudon · 02/09/2026 12:00

Could you afford a housekeeper a couple of days a week so all housework is done and healthy meals are prepared at least on those two days?

theresnolimits · 02/09/2026 11:56

I worked FT when I had my first child but gave up when I had my second. Was aSAHM until he was 2 and then picked up pt work, returning FT when he went to school. But I was a teacher so had holidays covered.

I think other niggles come in around one parent being SAH and an inbalance in finances. So it’s not perfect. But parenting is a marathon, not a sprint and what works at one stage doesn’t work at another.

Original poster
GreenBayTractor87 · 02/09/2026 11:53

LlynTegid · 02/09/2026 11:51

The first thought must be how you can reduce the impact of work. Perhaps you need to set some expectations of others.

Try that first, see if that helps, before quitting work.

I’ve tried this, tried working my hours I’m paid to work etc. The result is a lot of people annoyed that projects aren’t progressing as quickly as they should unfortunately. It’s quite commonly acknowledged that
”we’re paid this much as the long hours are expected”.

I just never pictured I’d be so maternal when I started down this career path!

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 02/09/2026 11:51

The first thought must be how you can reduce the impact of work. Perhaps you need to set some expectations of others.

Try that first, see if that helps, before quitting work.