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AIBU?

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AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

1000 replies

AutumnLighting · 01/09/2026 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2026 20:04

venus7 · 02/09/2026 19:44

My statement was intentional..........a humorous remark. Some 'got' it.

Well I thought it was funny

Ihateknowingthis · 02/09/2026 20:03

Gosh there are some awful people about... how dare they tell you what you can and can't do with your own property?!
And definitely report the racism.... that's far worse than a few pretty lights!!
Pout twice as many lights up and keep them all night!!!

Jowls53 · 02/09/2026 20:03

Tell her to bog off!!

Notgoodatpickingusernames · 02/09/2026 20:00

Please do report to police. At the very least it will mean that there is a record of their appalling behaviour and racism in case it escalates in future.

Soitshoteh · 02/09/2026 19:55

PrawnFree · 02/09/2026 19:44

You’ve confirmed my point in your very first sentence.

okay great you win ... now read the rest, for your sake.

worldshottestmom · 02/09/2026 19:55

Munchie1965 · 02/09/2026 19:19

Well said!

I changed my vote based on the update not because I am a "woke keyboard warrior" but because the update showed how absolutely awful and unreasonable the neighbours are.

Exactly! It's fine to change your opinion in light of new information, that's what intelligent people do.

Then you have the other type of people who accuse others of only changing their opinion because they're 'woke'. Yikes for them.

LifeAirport · 02/09/2026 19:50

For racists, ethnic minorities can do no right. Minorities are constantly told they must integrate and embrace the British way of life. But here is a family putting up autumn wreaths and enjoying Christmas lights, and they are still told to go back where they came from.🙄

catlover123456789 · 02/09/2026 19:48

Yes you need to report to the police with the evidence.
Set the lights to not flash and turn off at 11pm. Not because you owe them anything but because it's polite.
They sound absolutely batshit.

LifeAirport · 02/09/2026 19:48

user5783940 · 02/09/2026 19:01

Your bending over backwards not to sound like a racist makes you sound more and more like a racist.

Is your positive contact with these 'polite, reliable, conscientious' 'black colleague' 'ladies' a surprising revelation to you?

Are you a 90 year old man? I don't know anyone else who would call co-workers ladies, never mind point out 'black colleagues',

Agree.

OT but has the OP said if they are black or brown or what their ethnic background is? Did I
miss where this was stated?

IglesiasPiggl · 02/09/2026 19:47

OP, please go and buy one of those massive inflatable Santas that go on the roof, and a giant reindeer for good measure! They sound awful. Before your update I was thinking it might be worth a compromise for neighbourly harmony, but now we know what they're really like, compromise is not going to work anyway.

RowsOfFlowers · 02/09/2026 19:45

MassiveOvaryaction · 02/09/2026 19:01

Given the number of people who still think this is about the lights @RowsOfFlowers you're probably best asking for that comment to be deleted. Mind, I suppose it shows that at least some people are reading beyond the op.

Yes think I might consider doing that, thanks!

MarthaLovesLaughing · 02/09/2026 19:45

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2026 19:43

I know thanks. I was making a feeble joke in response to another posting. The complaining neighbours are appalling and need reporting.

Apologies. I'm so incensed by the racism that my soh has disappeared!

venus7 · 02/09/2026 19:44

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2026 19:40

There was me thinking that the light(s) were the problem.

My statement was intentional..........a humorous remark. Some 'got' it.

PrawnFree · 02/09/2026 19:44

Soitshoteh · 02/09/2026 18:36

calling everyone stupid and lacking in reasoning skills right after arguing that racists deserve "basic" consideration is hilarious.
Nobody missed your point. People understood it fine and disagreed with it, which is a different thing. The argument being made is pretty straightforward, a man was called a slur and told to go home in his own country and people feel the racists dont deserve courtesy and decency . You don't have to agree with it but it's not exactly a logical leap.
If you want to actually engage with why people think the way they do on this rather than just writing everyone off as thick, look up everyday resistance, James Scott wrote a lot on it, basically the idea that small acts of non compliance are a legitimate response to mistreatment especially when formal consequences are unlikely. Or bell hooks on respectability politics and how demanding that people who've been targeted by racism stay gracious and measured actually protects the people doing the harm more than anyone else.
Nobody is saying be awful to everyone you disagree with. People are saying a racist screamed a slur at someone on their own doorstep and probably faces zero real consequences for it, and if that person wants more fairy lights up at Christmas then honestly who cares. That conclusion doesn't require stupidity to reach. It just requires not prioritising the comfort of the racist over everyone else, which apparently is the bit you're stuck on.

Edited

You’ve confirmed my point in your very first sentence.

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2026 19:43

MarthaLovesLaughing · 02/09/2026 19:42

No

The racist neighbours are the problem

I know thanks. I was making a feeble joke in response to another posting. The complaining neighbours are appalling and need reporting.

andthat · 02/09/2026 19:42

AutumnLighting · 02/09/2026 09:21

They’ve been back and it went worse than expected. Some people really are nasty fucks.

They said before they talk about the lights, we need to start keeping our cat inside because it’s using their garden as a toilet. We don’t have a cat and told them that. We have never had a cat.

Next was that we need to not drive out of our driveway at night, but reverse due to the headlights. We are allowed to drive out in daytime. Obviously I said no and that they can’t control what we do.

Next it was unknown cars coming to our house when it’s dark. It needs to stop because they’re unable to sleep. The only ‘unknown’ cars that come here are our friends and family, mostly in the daytime. Obviously I said we can have who we like at our house at any time, day or night. We very rarely have any visitors coming and going late at night.

My husband joined us at this point. They have spoken to him before, in English. They heard him ask me if I was ok, in English, when he joined us. My husband is British, born here, but he isn’t white. They asked him if he spoke English. 🤔 He stayed polite and told them that his English was as good as theirs being as he had lived here his whole life.

They said the current lights need to be removed and we can’t have lights at Xmas. My husband asked what the issue was and they said the flashing. My husband said the current lights that are up do not flash and there is no flash option. The called him a liar. He invited them to come and look at them in the garage to prove it to them but they refused. My husband said that we will make sure the lights at Xmas (which are warm white for those asking) will be on the static setting. They said no, we need to not have them at all. My husband said we will have the lights on our house because it is our house. The man then called my husband a fucking <racial slur> and told him to ‘go home’. My husband said would you like the opportunity to apologise for your racist comments and they said no and walked off. This is all captured on camera.

Our son thinks we should go to the police but my husband said just leave it and unfortunately he has dealt with worse racism, which I know he has as I’ve been with him when he has received it. I’m really fucking angry. He’s quiet.

We have spoken to the couple next door as they text when they heard the neighbours shouting at us, to ask if we were ok. I’ve explained what has happened which was awkward as they are both British but from the same heritage as my husband. This couple have actually done a few jobs to help the racist couple out but said they won’t be doing that again. They are also going to tell the couple next to them about the racism as they are also non white although different heritage.

They are racist bastards and we won’t be talking to them again. So that’s us and at least 2, possibly 3 sets of neighbours who don’t like them because of their moaning and now racist comments.

I’ve asked my husband to please consider reporting this with the footage we have. Our children are also not white and I feel it’s important to show them that we will not accept this for them even if my husband can brush it aside.

We have joked that we’ll be having our lights on the fastest flashing setting we can find this Christmas. Our next door neighbours have said they’ll put lights up from now on. I don’t know if they will but it was nice of them to show their support.

I am so sorry you and your husband have been subject to this racial abuse.

if it’s any consolation… it’s quite liberating when you realise that there is no longer any need to be reasonable neighbours.

Put your lights on strobe. And enjoy them when more in the knowledge it is doing their heads in.

when I moved house I had just had a bereavement. I usually put up white lights but had some cheerful multicoloured lights on one of my trees. A neighbour came round and kindly informed me that ‘people from round here don’t do coloured lights’ and if I wanted to fit in with the ‘upper class neighbourhood’ I would need to remove them.

i thanked her for her advice.. and went out and added more coloured lights to the other tree. and put them on flash mode.

MarthaLovesLaughing · 02/09/2026 19:42

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2026 19:40

There was me thinking that the light(s) were the problem.

No

The racist neighbours are the problem

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/09/2026 19:40

venus7 · 02/09/2026 19:01

Indeed. Many, not everyone. Presumptions like this don't throw much light on the situation......

There was me thinking that the light(s) were the problem.

CheeseyOnionPie · 02/09/2026 19:38

Get the most obnoxious flashing lights you can and leave them up from today until valentines day.

SulkingInTheCatio · 02/09/2026 19:38

Nasty gits. Hope you go to town at Xmas and have a giant lit up inflatable snowman amongst other stuff.

GaIadriel · 02/09/2026 19:35

Nasty fuckers.

I had a similar situation with some neighbours trying to tell me what time I could park on my own drive etc (was working nights and was always quiet etc).

I eventually told the woman to do one as I'd had enough of her and she sent her chavvy boyfriend around. He was getting quite threatening. Until my boyfriend came down from his powernap that is. Never seen somebody pipe down so fast. 🤣 BF was a 6'2, 17 stone, former amateur boxer with a squished nose. One of the nicest guys you'd ever meet and not interested in punching people outside of training but he'd have eaten this bellend for breakfast! Didn't hear a peep from them after that.

Cavycrazy444 · 02/09/2026 19:33

If they flash or flicker they could cause migraines. Our opposite neighbour has flashing blue lights at Christmas and in our living room it looks like emergency vehicles are outside despite us closing curtains. Another former neighbour had a water feature that sounded like a horse passing and she had incessant wind chimes. Not ni e when we wanted to relax in our garden. We have to take care that our acts don't cause harm to others.

Yellowishflowers · 02/09/2026 19:32

They sound absolutely dreadful.
I 100% believe you need to report this.
This is harassment and racial abuse.
Why should you tolerate this.
You have video proof.
It couldn't be cleared.

You owe it to your children to see you report this IMO and lead by example.
I am so sorry.

Thedevilhasfinallycaughtupwithhim · 02/09/2026 19:30

You’ve reminded me to put up my autumn wreath.

Thank you ♥️

Whoops75 · 02/09/2026 19:28

So Sorry that happened to ye, they are unhinged. I would definitely involve the police, this can’t go unreported even if ye don’t press charges. Ye can build a file against them just incase things escalate.

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