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AIBU?

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AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?

1000 replies

AutumnLighting · 01/09/2026 22:51

We moved into our house just before Christmas last year. We are one of 6 houses on a lane in an u shape and our house is directly opposite one of the other houses. All of the houses are set back so we are not close to the houses opposite.

When we moved in last year, we put up lights on our house and in two of our trees at the front of our house as well as 2 nutcrackers and a Christmas wreath on the door. Nothing garish, just white lights. Every time we saw the neighbours opposite they would comment on the lights and decorations. They said things like that’s is a lot of lights, did you leave any in the shop for anyone else, we certainly can’t miss you etc. We took the lights down in January.

This is now our first autumn in the house and my husband has put up some lights along the front of the house, a garland around the front door and a wreath on the door. We went out for the evening and have come home to a note from the neighbour opposite which said she doesn’t like the lights, none of the past neighbours have ever put them up and that the lights will give her migraines like the ones we put up at Christmas did. She would like us to remove the lights.

How do we respond to this? My husband thinks we just ignore it but I said she will talk to us when we see her if we don’t go over and talk to her about it. He said he’ll tell her not to look at the lights. What would you say? We obviously plan to put the lights up for Christmas again this year so that isn’t going to go down well either.

We know she has moaned about other things to some of the other neighbours like their grandchildren playing outside on their bikes so she seems to be a moaner.

Edited by MNHQ to add a Cancel The Cheque Klaxon: this thread has moved on quite a lot so it's worth reading through all the OP's posts before replying

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
Friendless943 · 02/09/2026 22:27

Anyone who calls round at 7am to discuss anything non urgent is bonkers, and concerning for erratic behaviour.

Racist aside, I would tell them to close their curtains and watch the TV in the back room.
Houses like that must have a back room.

Racist comments though just show what quality people they are not.
I would report them BC I suspect they are probably a danger to themselves.
I hope you get some peace

HettyMeg · 02/09/2026 22:17

Littleorangeonaplate · 02/09/2026 22:10

It Is unreasonable to put up lights as decorations. It’s light pollution and has an adverse effect on wildlife, especially insects.

In this world we live in, let people have Christmas lights, for goodness sake.

HettyMeg · 02/09/2026 22:16

Ive only read your posts OP, not the other comments.

They are cheeky frs. Why do they think they can dictate what you can and can't do with your own home. If you bowed to them on the lights issue they would then make further demands as shown with their comments about not reversing out of your drive. I mean WTF!

And then there's the racism. They are deeply unpleasant people, and they have behaved in a threatening manner to you. Sorry you have experienced this!

Pashazade · 02/09/2026 22:15

Something like this OP? I’m sure with the nice neighbours you could go all out! I do hope the police have a word it’s truly awful you’ve had to deal with this. But I’m glad your other neighbours are turning out to be good people. ‼️‼️Warning many flashing lights in video‼️‼️

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https://youtu.be/pWBjl-jPcVM?is=oftTdxeoJKBIDzii

Littleorangeonaplate · 02/09/2026 22:10

It Is unreasonable to put up lights as decorations. It’s light pollution and has an adverse effect on wildlife, especially insects.

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 02/09/2026 22:04

Notaninfluencertype · 02/09/2026 22:00

Please make sure your Christmas lights play out of tune music on repeat in time to the flashing.

And make it something "endearing" like "The 12 Days of Christmas", "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" or "Deck the Halls".

I wonder if they sell Christmas lights that look like headlights?

BippidyBoppety · 02/09/2026 22:01

Thank you for updating, OP. If you do the complaint on 101 it might take a couple of days for a Police response, but logging this now makes sure any escalation from the neighbours is noted - you should get a reference number when the 101 complaint is logged.

Please be assured that you are not wasting Police time as was suggested pages back. Do a Google search "how to report racist neighbour" and follow the links. And the absolute fuckery of knocking on the door at 7am this morning!

On the flip side - how wonderful the other neighbours are being supportive!

Notaninfluencertype · 02/09/2026 22:00

Please make sure your Christmas lights play out of tune music on repeat in time to the flashing.

padampada · 02/09/2026 21:58

Clearly not read the updated thread

AnnoyedAsAllHeck · 02/09/2026 21:50

Lillabet · 02/09/2026 18:41

I was going with YANBU to have lights up anyway, but having heeded the "Cancel the cheque" klaxon - JFC! Absolutely you are not being unreasonable and they're racist fuckers who need reporting to the police along with the footage you have of this interaction. Draw the line now, make it clear you will not tolerate bullying and racism. Give them an inch and they will take a mile! I'd then be tempted to make my house look like this for the entirety of December.

Every year around Christmas there is a show called "The Greatest Christmas Light Fight". I am pretty sure some of the displays can be seen from outer space.
Maybe OP and her DH can get some Christmas Cat inflatables.

AIBU to keep our lights up despite neighbour complaining?
NavyBlueJeans · 02/09/2026 21:50

@AutumnLighting I'm very glad to read that you're reporting and that your neighbours are being supportive❤️

SharyBobbins · 02/09/2026 21:41

OP, I just wanted to comment in support. I'm sorry for the abuse that you and your family have had to endure and witness today. I'm glad you've made the decision to report it.

In terms of your neighbours might I recommend you invest in one of those 20 foot inflatable Santa's for your house this year? Perhaps your neighbours could join in, I hear they do inflatable snowmen and Xmas trees too 😂

Justthethingsthatyoudointhisgarden · 02/09/2026 21:38

Good luck OP. If you like, I'll ask DH to park his shitty old car outside their house.

I hate racists. Massive hugs to you and your family.

21stNightOfSeptember · 02/09/2026 21:37

Im assuming the racist neighbours are retired, no hobbies, miserable sods with nothing better to do than curtain twitch and be offended at the existence of non-white people?

Sod the autumn lights, put up the Christmas lights ASAP. Have a massive inflatable Grinch. Get a snow machine that blows soapy bubbles across the street.

LilloLil · 02/09/2026 21:36

Surely you switch them off when you retire at night though. (Leaving them on overnight just to confuse foxes and mess around with birdlife is very poor behaviour).

That was covered seven hundred posts ago. There might be some other stuff you missed too although you may just have nailed it with ‘out of season cultural practices upset some people’.

godmum56 · 02/09/2026 21:36

Fledgedup · 02/09/2026 20:33

Omg this.
I get migraines from being unreasonable any type of moving vehicle going past hedges with sunlight coming through. Or walking past them.
I also get flicker vertigo from moving lights. I cant have candles for that reason. In December, I have trouble walking up my street and cant go out after dark because of all the flashing lights on hiuses. I lose my balance.
OP, I dont think there is anything wrong with decorating for Autumn, do it myself indoors. 🍁🍂But, if your neighbour really does have migraines, it would be kind to consider turning your lights off, and certainly making sure your Christmas ones are static. 😊

but her current lights don't flash

glowfrog · 02/09/2026 21:36

@AutumnLightinganother good reason to report them now is that they might escalate their behaviour. Putting it on record asap can only help should that happen. Lovely that your other neighbours are good people and supportive. Hopefully the racist ones will be shamed into leaving you alone.

Yorkshirelasss · 02/09/2026 21:34

I’m sorry that your husband had a racist comment aimed at him. The neighbors sound utterly deranged. By the way you described the lights, it sounds like they aren’t blinding. I’m really glad that your husband is going to report it. Too many people suffer in silence when it comes to racism. I hope that you all enjoy a lovely light display at Christmas!

Rpop · 02/09/2026 21:34

Fledgedup · 02/09/2026 20:59

Apologies. I was so excited to see someone else with chronic sensitivity to light that I didnt read the full thread.
OP, I am so sorry your husband has experienced disgusting racism from these people, and support you in putting your lights on the fastest, brightest, strobiest setting from now on

I haven’t seen the up-dates (thought I had read all from OP) but I can see things have taken a horrible turn.

sorry to infer you’ve had a bad time with the neighbours. I replied in solidarity of people with migraines (it’s a horrible thing to live with) but it sounds like there are bigger issues here.

I hope everyone is ok.

LilloLil · 02/09/2026 21:33

Rpop · 02/09/2026 21:27

I’ve got photophobia with migraines too. It seems like a made up fussy thing but it’s really. I can be sensitive for a whole week at a time. I genuinely think the flashing ones could be a problem. If they don’t flash then she hopefully can just look away if she gets close (though obviously I can’t imagine the set up). I guess it just depends how reasonable it all is or whether it’s insanely bright.

Hopefully the neighbour really has got it then.

May her head be full of pain until the end of February with the lights drilling into her brain. May the invisible cat invade her garden and the headlights from cars disturb her daily.

Millytante · 02/09/2026 21:33

Surely you switch them off when you retire at night though. (Leaving them on overnight just to confuse foxes and mess around with birdlife is very poor behaviour)
Not the main point at this stage of course; I hope you whack those neighbours with the full force of any available anti-harassment legislation, and it’s good to know you've supportive neighbours.

All the same, light pollution is a scourge for human neighbours as well as for wildlife, so I’m sure you take all these things into consideration, no matter how far your legal right to displaying lights extends.

Out-of-season accoutrements of cultural festivals can upset people, who might feel the mid-Winter, Christmassy cheer of fairy lights adorning trees and houses loses all its particular joy when it’s spread across the whole year like aerosol cream.
Others might just be of the anti-showy sort, bristling against having these celebratory decorations forced on them for more than the generally agreed few weeks in December, feeling the atmosphere’s balance is tilted over into mild hysteria when it’s allowed out of its usual festive bounds.

Barring local statutes insisting on monochrome shop fronts or a ban on fake carriage lights on Georgian townhouses, etc, we’re all free to decorate our houses as we see fit.
I think our unstated contract with our neighbours still carries the hope that in practice, we will restrain our inner Zandra Rhodes/ Lawrence Llewellyn-Bowen.

Conversely, we also understand that we will not insist on conformity when any extravagance in exterior appearance just happens to irritate us, based on stupid prejudices and bottled up frustration.
Unless we are physically or economically injured by the offending décor, we definitely ought to practice acceptance.

AutumnLighting · 02/09/2026 21:31

The distance from our house to theirs is so far that the lights really wouldn’t cause an issue. This isn’t like many roads where the driveways are only the length of few of cars. The drives are really long, as well as having the hedges to obscure the view so it was obvious there had to be something else going on. I didn’t expect it to be racism but my husband and kids say they always have to think of it as a possibility. It’s so depressing for me, but much worse for them.

OP posts:
JayJayj · 02/09/2026 21:28

I didn’t think you were unreasonable anyway but after reading the updates!!! Wow!!

I am glad you will be reporting them. I don’t even like flashing lights, but I’d be buying brightly coloured flashing ones and maybe something with music.

Good luck!

ThingsAreNotWhatTheyWere · 02/09/2026 21:28

ProcrastinatorsAnonymous · 02/09/2026 21:23

I love the idea of all the nice neighbours in your street buying the largest, most tacky decorations they can find and filing their front gardens with them! The way they are backing you up gives me hope for this country! Good on you for reporting and showing your kids that this is totally unacceptable (but of course so sorry you had to deal with this).

Hear hear, couldn't have put it better myself!

Rpop · 02/09/2026 21:27

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 01/09/2026 23:22

Come to a compromise. Say they won’t clash and you will turn them off at 9.30. Honestly I am really sensitive to light and they do give me severe headaches

I’ve got photophobia with migraines too. It seems like a made up fussy thing but it’s really. I can be sensitive for a whole week at a time. I genuinely think the flashing ones could be a problem. If they don’t flash then she hopefully can just look away if she gets close (though obviously I can’t imagine the set up). I guess it just depends how reasonable it all is or whether it’s insanely bright.

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