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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not let me join padel?

113 replies

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 21:44

ok, I’m willing to accept I abu, if I am.
I have a disability, it slightly affects my day to day life but I don’t linger on it and am able to manage 90% of things. My DH started to play Padel and has said I’d really enjoy it, he’s gone with mates. He’s raved about it, telling me and the kids we should go. (You need 4 to play like doubles tennis).He’s won 4/22 games so he’s not amazing. He finally asked me and the kids to go and I did really enjoy it, it’s one type of game I can actually do. We had a lot of fun. So I’ve been asking to join him since but he said no because I’ll bring his rating down and none of his friends will play non-competitive (which won’t affect his ratings). I know his friends, I also know that he’d allow new players to join his games, as he has done so. His excuses range from it’s “a man thing” (competitive-ness) to “he’s protecting me” (they’d aim balls at me) to “you’ve only played 45mins” (he had also only played 45 mins at one point yet everyone let him play). “ It’s a male-female thing”, (the game is mixed sex and low level).
I may not be amazing to start, I probably would affect his rankings to start but that has never stopped him being partnered to newbies before. I mean, he’s won 4/22 games. He thinks I am being totally unreasonable to be hurt but am I? Do Padel standings really count that much? He’s now very angry and is not talking to me.

OP posts:
Freya1542 · 01/09/2026 22:41

@Treebaubles Pure Swansea hosts ladies-only padel social nights on Tuesdays from 6:00 PM to 7:30 PM for £7.00 per session. 🙂

Hyperbolically · 01/09/2026 22:32

Tumbler2121 · 01/09/2026 22:25

Sounds as though he likes to present as a single person when he's at his hobbies.

Absolutely. I know so many men that do this. Same at the gym.

disturbia · 01/09/2026 22:32

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:07

He has a load of hobbies, and different groups of friends for each of his hobbies. I have one hobby which I do from home. I going to have a little look at Facebook to see if there are any padel groups in my area. I think I feel let down, because I’d allow him in my group.

Find some more hobbies for yourself and meet new people outside your home. Whar do you do when he is out with his other hobbies and friends?

Hyperbolically · 01/09/2026 22:30

I think it’s really mean to encourage you to go with him and then say he doesn’t want you to join him again! Properly mean, especially when he has other hobbies that you’re not interested in.

He’s not talking to you because you’re hurt? Borderline emotionally abusive. Is he usually like that?

I’m petty. I would play in secret with anyone that is willing to play with me and then join a club or something and compete against him knowing I would win. But I have form for this. It’s very satisfying. When my OH bored me to tears about how he could run 5K (he couldn’t, he walked 50% of the time) and refused to slow down slightly when we walked together on a night despite asking me to go with him and his being 6inches taller, I exercised in secret, lost 7 stone and started running in secret. Now I refuse to slow down walking alongside him, I turn around and ask in my most condescending voice ‘Are you okay? Is something hurting?’ And mannnnnnnn it feels good hahahahaha. Petty Betty for life here.

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:29

The children aren’t always available to play with us. I just think it’s hurt me that he’d allow a guy (colleague not friend) from work to join but not me. He also wouldn’t say a word if a friend brought his wife. I’ve heard him moan about one guy playing, but he still allows him to play. I think I’m not unreasonable to be hurt, but I am unreasonable to let it stop me playing the one thing I can and enjoy playing.
Anyone from Swansea want to start playing Padel? 🙏🏽 😆

OP posts:
Tumbler2121 · 01/09/2026 22:25

Sounds as though he likes to present as a single person when he's at his hobbies.

RockyFraggles · 01/09/2026 22:19

I know a fair few couples who play Padel and they try not to play together much as they just argue. One couple never argues except on the padel court so now only play separately.

BeardySchnauzer · 01/09/2026 22:18

My DH only ever plays with ‘strangers’ but has made a few friends as you come up against the same people.

just sign up yourself - enjoy yourself and make friends and pretend not to know your DH is when you see him in the clubhouse🤣

croisette · 01/09/2026 22:16

Sorry OP, can you keep playing together as a family? Or find your own group at your level? My DH wouldn’t want me in his padel or tennis groups to be honest! Why not take some lessons in the meantime ?

Isittimeformynapyet · 01/09/2026 22:16

Freshrain · 01/09/2026 22:14

I agree with most of the comments, that someone saying "you should try this new thing, I think you'd enjoy it" isn't the same as saying "I want you to join my league"

I am also wondering about if childcare is needed if you do this on the same night?

If you want to play, find your own crew to play with.

Why would childcare be an issue when she said in her OP that it was something the whole family could do together?

RockyFraggles · 01/09/2026 22:15

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 21:56

It just that he has always told me how much I would enjoy it, but now won’t let me go with him. I don’t have anyone else to go with. He has other hobbies that I’m not involved in, darts, squash, fishing. He told me today, that a guy from work wants to start so he’s invited him. We don’t do anything together other than the odd date night. Maybe I’ll ask around in work. I just wanted to join a few games with him to learn all about it.

If you set up an account on playtomic you can join open matches (either competitive or casual) with other people who are beginners. You can also find social sessions, which are good for beginners.

You don't need to find friends or work colleagues to start playing. I didn't know anyone when I first started playing and began in the way I have said in my first paragraph.

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:15

PollyBell · 01/09/2026 22:12

How do you work that out maybe he wants to a something with other people couples are allowed to do things with out their partner

Why do people on here need to make up back stories?

I think she was trying to make me feel better. It worked 😊

OP posts:
Freshrain · 01/09/2026 22:14

I agree with most of the comments, that someone saying "you should try this new thing, I think you'd enjoy it" isn't the same as saying "I want you to join my league"

I am also wondering about if childcare is needed if you do this on the same night?

If you want to play, find your own crew to play with.

Bufftailed · 01/09/2026 22:13

On the app you can join games with others. He wants to play with others, that is ok

PollyBell · 01/09/2026 22:12

mummymummymummummum · 01/09/2026 22:07

He’s clearly clocked that you’re better at it than he is and doesn’t want that ‘shame’

How do you work that out maybe he wants to a something with other people couples are allowed to do things with out their partner

Why do people on here need to make up back stories?

Itsthewoluff · 01/09/2026 22:10

You’d be happy for him to be in your group. Not everyone would, so Yanbu to be hurt but yabu to take it personally.

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:09

sunshine244 · 01/09/2026 22:05

Is it a childcare issue if you both go together?

No, children are 15 & 18.

OP posts:
Hellohelga · 01/09/2026 22:09

I assume he wants to play competitive with his mates but just for fun with you and the DC. If he’s happy to play with/teach you and DC in addition to playing with his mates I’d find that ok.

lanthanum · 01/09/2026 22:08

See if you can find someone else to go with, and in the meantime, perhaps he would be willing to go more than once a week, so that he can go with his mate and go with you to help you get started.

mummymummymummummum · 01/09/2026 22:07

He’s clearly clocked that you’re better at it than he is and doesn’t want that ‘shame’

Treebaubles · 01/09/2026 22:07

He has a load of hobbies, and different groups of friends for each of his hobbies. I have one hobby which I do from home. I going to have a little look at Facebook to see if there are any padel groups in my area. I think I feel let down, because I’d allow him in my group.

OP posts:
SueKeeper · 01/09/2026 22:06

Oh you have to go, but separately from him and get a higher rating than him, he's asking for it!!

RumPidgeon · 01/09/2026 22:06

How weird to tell you you should try it - BUT not with him.
Definitely ask around at work or get yourself a couple of 1:1s with a coach and beat him at his measly scores.

sunshine244 · 01/09/2026 22:05

Is it a childcare issue if you both go together?

Contain4 · 01/09/2026 22:03

I voted YABU just because I don’t think I’d want to share my hobby with my partner.

It wouldn’t be anything personal towards them.

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