AIBU to feel hurt my husband will not let me join padel?

I'd say that he's embarrassed that he's quite crap at it and doesn't want you to see him getting thrashed (or worse, beat him).

Hope you enjoy going without him!

Would he not play an extra game a week with you and DS, keep it separate from his games with his friends?

I think he's right to keep something for himself. You can still play - join a club or take some lessons and build your own padel group.

I have this with DP. Every time I do something new he says 'I'll come' like he's doing me a favour by offering me company. I should put my foot down and carve out some time to do my own thing without him.

Good for you. But what I don't understand is do you HAVE to go as his partner? He must have started as a singleton surely? Can't you just go along and pair up with someone else when you get there?

It's good he found a hobby he enjoys. But it sounds like he realised he made a mistake telling you and encouraging you to play as you now want to join him and his friends. But he wants to keep this a separate thing.

It isn't wrong to have your own separate hobbies but he shouldn't have been heavy on the encouragement if he knows you have no one to play with and won't play with you and the kids either. However, if he is happy to play with you and the kids I don't see why you have such a need to join him and his friends.

Reach out to people you know or groups to see if there are others that might be interested in joining you.

I wouldn’t want my DH gate crashing a hobby with my friends

He told you you'd love it and you did. Your assumption was he was saying 'you'll love doing this with me and I'll love having you there', but he's been clear that wasn't what he meant.

Anyway, you did enjoy it and you're on your way to finding groups/other people you can continue to enjoy it with. And I don't understand how the ranking thing works but I'm sure you'll soon overtake him!

He wants to keep his version of his hobby for himself, this is reasonable.
You’re free to play on your own terms, he’s not stopping you from playing, he just doesn’t want to add you to his team.

You can still play, just get involved via a different route. I wouldn't want my husband encroaching on the things I enjoy doing without him (but I also wouldn't invite him along!).

It is a bit weird that he was raving about it to you but now doesn't want you to join.

In your situation I would just look for another group of people to play with. It's really popular at the moment so there must be lots of people in your area wanting to play.

Do you have a local FB group you could post on looking for people, or just contact the centre where they do it and see if they have anything you can join?

There must be a list on the wall there that you can add your name to. My husband plays golf. His golf club had a spreadsheet according to handicap ( golf handicap not disability) that you could sign up to. You picked someone with a similar level to you and added your name, then turned up at the chosen time to play. Perhaps he's worried you'll end up being better than him .

I'm baffled. He said you'd enjoy it. He said you should try it. You did and he was right, you loved it. Now he doesn't want you to go. The reasons he gave have not arisen since he encouraged you to try it so why the fuck does he want to stop you going. I wonder if maybe you played much better than he did the first time he went and he is worried that it won't take you long to outplay him. Men have behaved irrationally for stupider reasons.

Just see if you can put your name down to play with other beginners. If you can get that sorted, keep at it at least long enough to whoop his arse on the court.

My DH plays in London and he often comes up against women, pairs made up of parent and child or siblings, range of ages. I’m surprised how varied it is

I think you should respect him not wanting you to join. I would look for other clubs/ times to do it without him if you like the sport this much.

Though its a bit odd he wants everyone else to join but not you. Is there someone he could fancy?

Padel strikes.me as a "boys club" type sport. Lots of corporate networking. Very alpha male.

You can't force him to play this game with you and he can't prevent you from playing it with other people. But based on what you've said here it might be worth considering whether there's a bigger issue, as it seems like he is not just saying a reasonable polite no but being an arsehole and treating you badly.

First of all, it's annoying to keep telling you you'd love the game and encouraging you to try and then making ridiculous excuses not to play it with you. Secondly, he has a double standard if he's allowing completely new players to join but not you because you alone will lower his score (unless you were so horribly bad the time you did play with him that it was in a completely different league).

Finally, and most importantly - he's really not speaking to you because you're hurt by his behaviour and told him so? If he's just civilly saying he doesn't want to talk about this right now because he's too tired or upset or busy then OK, but if he's repeatedly giving you the silent treatment and punishing you for expressing opinions or feelings he doesn't share or standing up for yourself then he's a lousy partner and I would worry that he's showing some early red flags for possibly being prone to emotional abuse. Same if he's routinely blaming you for issues that HE has caused.

maybe on of your DCs can bring a friend and you can play without your DH.

Just play on your own but no YANBU to be hurt, especially if the reason he doesn't want you to play is your disability affecting his Padel rankings. The main issue here is him ignoring you and being angry because you are hurt which is actually him trying to punish you for holding him accountable. Not much you can do about that. Join a women's group and leave him to his own devicies.

You say he’s got other hobbies so yes, I think he’s out of order. If it was his only hobby I’d be more in his side.
My DH does two sporting hobbies - he asked me to one and I said no - but he wouldn’t object if I came. I’d be rubbish but it wouldn’t bother him.
If you want to try it, find a different group (and get better than your DH 😂)

Perhaps your husband genuinely thought you'd enjoy playing padal (which you've discovered you do) but didn't necessarily expect you to want to join his group? Perhaps he thought you'd find your own group to join? To be honest, it's not a hill I'd die on. I'd find your own group to join and make sure you're winning more matches than him! It could also be an ego thing, especially if you have started off better than him!!

if he wanted it as his escape, maybe he shouldn’t have gone on about how much the op would like it? If he plays darts and squash and fishing and has added paddel it sounds like he has nothing but escape and far from being a man who needs a little escape, he’s a man who needs to put a bit of effort into remembering he has a wife and not just for housework and convenience, see quote from the op ‘It just that he has always told me how much I would enjoy it, but now won’t let me go with him. I don’t have anyone else to go with. He has other hobbies that I’m not involved in, darts, squash, fishing. He told me today, that a guy from work wants to start so he’s invited him. We don’t do anything together other than the odd date night. Maybe I’ll ask around in work. I just wanted to join a few games with him to learn all about it.’

Time to join independently of him,play with others, than eventually whip his arse in a game

Second what others are saying about finding classes and others to play with, the club normally has a whats app group. I started with small group classes and then had a group to play with. It’s horrible of your husband not to play with you even just occasionally- it won’t affect his ratings and that’s bizarre anyway.

i actually asked my husband to join because at one point at the start I struggled to get games ( this was years ago when not many in club). Of course he became very good at it. He still plays with me often twice a week and then plays his higher level games as well. He actually enjoys the games with me more because they are more fun and the rallies are longer. We do bicker a bit though so I would forget your husband and find your own players. Hope you get it to whip his arse one day!

If you’re not as good it will ruin his workout, maybe find your own partners ?
you should let him have his escape

Honestly I went with my husband once to his group play and I’d rather not again 😂 he’s very competitive with other people (must have been holding it in a lot when we play just us) and it was awful! I’d be looking on playtonic and joining with other people if you fancied doing it, and then playing just you guys instead!