AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

Why is 5/6/7 minutes outrageous but 3/4 minutes is acceptable? It’s a 2 minute difference! If your child can wait 4 minutes then what difference is 2 more? They may not like it, but learning to be patient and wait your turn is just as an important lesson for toddlers as learning to share is.

Yer a bit cunty, for sure

Because they want to wait next to the swing to be sure that they get the next turn, there's nothing wrong with that!!

OP said get DGC would happily stay in the swing for an hour. There are only two swings in that park. Are you genuinely saying that Montessori advocates a child hogging one of only two swings for an hour or more?

@GrannyMW50 But there were other kids waiting as well according to you so not just the vocal mum and her kids? Believe me, you do not have to teach a 2 year old to stand up for himself- it's peak in their development to want everything for themselves at that age. They are the center of the universe why focus should be on learning how to think about others and share.

OP I’m totally with you on this. Look into Montessori turn taking etc. It’s basically describing what you are doing. Which is, if a kid isn’t ready to share, don’t force them. My husband bends over backwards to get our kids off toys they’re playing with if another kid approaches, and that attitude has definitely underpinned so much of the things he struggles with now - knowing his own feelings, communicating them, being taken advantage of. It’s just swings, but also the micro lessons we teach our kids now underpin their sense of self. We were at an English heritage day, on this really cool rocker wooden things, and he and daughter having the time of their lives on this thing. A couple of kids with rude manners come up to him, “can we have a turn” in gruff voices, “oh of course after you oh please do take it, no we have to share darling”, while our daughter is like, “but I’d only just got that and was having fun??”. Same kids go up to another grandmother and her two kids to try and get theirs too, she says “no thank you, my grandkids are enjoying this; you can have it when wev’ve finished”. I’m with team grandma aaaaaaaall the way. Plenty of other shit to do in a playground. Great Montessori vids on YouTube about this; look them up and don’t ask on here, basically if a kid isn’t ready to do turns don’t force them. Let them come to it when they feel ready. Too tired to explain the ins and outs but when I watched the videos it really challenged my very English fundamental concept of sharing which is basically relinquishing your own feelings to another. I was very like that as a kid, which led into adulthood, and ultimately situations of SA to people in positions of authority. I wish I’d learnt when young how to tell people to fuck off. Again sounds daft when it’s just swings, but these fundamental lessons do shape us. I’m with you all the way. Let your child enjoy them!

Everybody knows that the way to deal with this is by having a passive aggressive conversation through the kids.
'you can have a go when this boy has finished' she says.
'We're still having our go aren't we Benedict, you love the swing don't you,' says you.
'everybody gets a turn don't they Jessica, that's how we share' she comments.
'you've been looking forward to swinging all day haven't you Benedict, and you deserve a nice long go just like everyone else' you opine.
'not everyone is as good at sharing as you,' she interjects
Et cetera until the kids get bored and go and play together on the roundabout while the two of you make thinly veiled jibes at each other via the still swinging empty swings. The joy of the playground that is.

Agree with this.

Same, thought all parents did this? And grandparents usually seem even more on the ball with the only ten more if someone is waiting. So maybe the reverse guesser is right.

3 mins if someone is waiting. If I was waiting 5 mins and my little one was getting antsy I would have asked you to let us have a turn tbh. I don’t make comments, I am more direct 😅

I've noticed when taking my GC to the park what an excellent job the majority of this generation of parents are doing in teaching children to share and take turns. Recently I saw children queuing up to take short turns on a piece of equipment then getting off when told and joining the queue again. It was so civilised and I thought what a credit they were to their parents.
It seems to be the etiquette now amongst good parents to tell their child it's someone else's turn now and move them along rather than a scramble so the biggest, fastest, oldest children get to dominate.
I'm all for it and in your position would have told GC after a few minutes it was another child's turn.

Another post with a very entitled parent/grandparent enabling hogging of pool toys

The swings are often the hottest commodity when the playpark is busy and if you don't stand near them, you can keep missing out on having a go. The etiquette is only to swing for 2-3mins if someone else is waiting. Making a small child stand waiting for longer than a few mins is unreasonable. If your child wants to have another go, they can stand and wait for their next turn.

She did make her own children share - they took turns! All the while the OP and grandchild were using a swing before, during and after two of her children had turns. But it's the other person is entitled?

YABVU

Lol. Good memory!

Yeah that's a bit long when there is a queue.
Might have been kinder to have 3/4 mins and swap. Hope the other family do the same and swap again.
Sound like you were a bit of a swing hogger.
X

Five minutes is fine, and then off you go if there's a queue. And get used to standing up for yourself, some parents are horrible, demanding and cheeky arseholes.

I remember that post! 😂

She was whining loudly trying to make the OP feel uncomfortable. But you already know that :)

That doesn’t work as any time the swing becomes free, you get a dash of children racing towards the swing, the little ones never make it, much better to take turns of 2/3 minutes swinging.

I used to say now you’ve had your few minutes, it’s time for the next child to have their FEW minutes before they pass it on to the next child.

YABU. Your grandson was on the swing for too long in this situation. I would say no more than 4-5 minutes on the swing since other children were obviously waiting to use it.

It's all very well and good to want a child to be confident, but your grandson also has to learn about social rules. One of the very first rules most children learn is taking turns. He's old enough to understand, even though he may not like it.

I wouldn’t have appreciated her pass-agg way of trying to get him off so I would have politely but pointedly told her like it is - “don’t worry he’ll come off in 5 minutes, but he had to wait a long time for his turn and he’s only just got on”.

I think if the swing is busy then go on other play park things first. Come back once the swing is vacant.

I used to hate this when my two were small. I stopped feeling intimidated by parents and children waiting by the legs of the swings a nano-second after mine had got on. I learned to say that mine had only just got on the equipment and they would be having a fair go. I often used to offer to send a child to fetch them if they wanted to play on something else in the meantime. It is not entitled to have a fair go. What is entitled is to automatically assume that other people will acquiesce and hop off equipment the second your family rocks off. The passive-aggressive mother had access to 50 per cent of the swings; if she was so focused on ‘sharing’ she should have made her own children share.