AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

When the mum came along, I would have smiled to acknowledge her, and say “he’s just got on, so he’ll be a few minutes”. Then the mum would know he’s not hopping off immediately, and her second kid can wait, do something else or take a turn with her first kid.

I’ve twins, so frequently have my kids sharing one swing, while another child is on the second one.

This is funny. You don't have to teach toddlers self worth: that's their whole default outlook! The bit that needs teaching is the turn taking and consideration of others.

The other mum did nothing wrong. Instead of stewing you could have said aloud to your GS that you'd have two minutes or whatever. That's a pretty long time for a toddler. Most of your angst is coming from you being too passive in the moment and stewing afterwards.

Yes! I just referred to this. First thing it reminded me of!

Absolutely depends how long he was on the swing. But I get a feeling that you wouldn't care if he'd been on it for half an hour. Like that op on here who let her son choose 10 toys from a swimming pool and then told her son not to share when other kids arrived.

*just seen the update "5-7 minutes". That's a long time for a swing.

So the woman had x2 kids and x1 swing but wanted the OP's grandson to get off his swing so she could have x2 swings?

Yeah fuck that, I'd have let my grandson stay on out of principal.

If the park was busy / no swings were available I'd have hurried my grandson along so the two kids could share one swing but no way would I give up the swing when she already had one, she was a CF to expect you to do so.

😂😂 I just made reference to that thread as well! Definitely cut from the same cloth these two!!

Sorry OP I think you were taking the piss a bit here! I agree he shouldn’t have got off immediately but 7 minutes is too long when there are other children waiting.

Yes he should be taught that he is entitled to his time, and yes other children do need to learn to wait as some of them expect you to get off as soon you’ve sat down, but in this instance, you were allowing your grandson to hog the swings!

You sound like the woman who took her kid to the swimming pool and decided to take all the communal toys and hog them for over 45 minutes and then got upset when another parent took some. Is she your daughter by any chance?

My son refuses to go on anything at the park until he’s been on the swing. It’s infuriating to me, but it’s also not worth the argument trying to get him to play elsewhere, so we would be the people waiting by the swings.
We don’t expect people to get off for us though. So you will also hear me repeatedly reminding him he has to wait his turn. And that’s very much what I mean, not a backwards way of trying to get the other people to get off. Maybe that’s what happened in your case.

This mentality wrecks all the nice things because it creates such a bad feeling that then unnecessary policies are brought in because ordinary people don’t want to suffer your selfishness

All the examples you’ve given are irrelevant.

I don’t give money to charity because I don’t want other people to piss my money up the wall. I donate items to baby banks instead. That is not ‘sharing’ though is it.

Adults may share in the context of equipment at work for example when there isn’t enough of something. Or may share a table at a cafe where there is no other space left.

Not eating all the toast/cereal/milk if I know someone else in the house also needs breakfast

Driving every day, giving way to pedestrians/other cars

Public transport - letting people get off before you get on, sharing your seat,

Not barging in front of other people in queues for tickets, coffee, the post office, etc.

I haven’t even gotten to the office yet & I’ve already used my sharing skills multiple times.

In that case, if it's busy and people want the swings and you've had them 3-4 mins: "ok, ten more pushes and then it's time to get off so other people can have their turn. The park is for everyone".

If it’s the baby swings with a proper seat, there often isn’t very much you can do at a park with a very small child <18 months so that’s why they’re so popular & why you would wait for one. I’d also tell my child that we had to wait until someone got off, they’re not mind readers at that age.

I’ve always given up the swing (or zip line) after someone has been waiting for a few minutes. I don’t want my child to be a pushover but they also do need to learn how to share. I don’t think it’s really fair to keep your grandson on the swing until he’s finally bored with it.

No, the point is by giving them just a little more space to work it out themselves what happens is kids tend to naturally want to share, rather than being made to share which makes them want to keep things.

It's about developing genuine willingness to share rather than training them into begrudging enforced sharing.

This has the flip side benefit of helping them understand when they REALLY have a strong feeling that someone is asking for something they don't want to give (e.g. in bullying situations).

I’m with you OP. I don’t think 5 minutes on a swing is that long tbh especially when you’d only been using it a minute before they turned up wanting a go. I’d just make the kid play on something else until the swing was free! Sounds like a lot of people on here think their kids are important too and don’t have to wait.. so what’s the difference??

6-7 minutes, when there is a queue is absolutely unreasonable!

Teaching kids to socialise and take turns is important. Telling a child that they have to wait their turn isn't unusual in a park. Saying it loud enough so their child and your child can both hear also isn't unreasonable, it helps to set the expectations for both children. 2-3 minutes sounds more than fair.

You could have taken your grandchild off after 3 minutes and loudly said, there darling, you've had 3 minutes, not it's someone else's turn, I'll set an alarm for 3 minutes so we can all take turns fairly. Then, the mum here's that and everyone is set up for the next turn.

6-7 minutes is hogging a swing, not taking a turn. I'm guessing he's your first grandchild, as nothing else would explain your unreasonableness otherwise. Hopefully you'll learn from this and not end up turning your darling grandchild into an entitled twat of a kid (because that's what comes next if you always do this).

What age do you plan to start teaching swing etiquette / queueing. 28 months? 29 months? 33.5 months? 58 months?

My kids usually don’t like others just standing there staring at them waiting so they hop off and go on something else. Their self worth is absolutely fine.

That's a pretty ridiculous analogy. Laptop, cars, money etc are personal property.

Swings in a park are public infrastructure designed for everyone. Taking turns on them is more akin to not blocking the best spot in front of a tourist attraction for ages while you take a million selfies, or moving aside to let people past on a path.

i don’t tell mine to come off something or handover something ‘early’ until they’ve finished.
mine will naturally share but won’t be pushed into cutting short because another hasn’t learnt to wait.
mine are respectful, empathetic & kind. Shock horror nobody has fallen out or moaned about it.
i couldn’t stand being pulled away or told to ‘share’. not because I didn’t want to but because if I was enjoying something (not for a long time either) & then it was snatched away or an adult took it for another it made me feel less than & often.
yes children need to be aware of sharing but also shouldn’t be forced to give it up immediately because another hasn’t learnt to wait

Yes, she hurried one of her children off so that her other child could have a turn because he was becoming impatient and annoying her. Would she have hurried either of her children off if someone else's child was waiting for a turn? We can't say for certain.

No one likes waiting, but children need to learn patience and how to wait their turn. I can't start loudly complaining because someone else is taking too long at the airport (unless I want to look ridiculous to everyone around me). It's quite entitled to think that you'll get what you want exactly when you want it as long as you loudly voice your frustration.

Not enough adults learned this as children. This is why we have adults throwing tantrums in fast food restaurants and berating NHS workers.

Sorry OP, you are being very unreasonable.
I speak from experience, having been a nursery teacher and managed very young children sharing popular equipment and toys......3-4 mins maximum, then let someone else have a turn.

satire.....lol

How often do grown ups actually share, though? I would bet that most don't even give to charity on a regular basis. In society, we really only expect children to share. That expectation/teaching disappears by adulthood. Do you share your clothes, makeup, jewellery, perfume, home, Netflix plan, food, mobile phone, laptop, car, money, etc. with strangers?