AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

I will get my child to wait and expect nothing from the child already on the swing. In fact I use it as a lesson to my child that a) they need to wait and b) if they don’t want to wait then use something else.

You were being unreasonable and selfish. 6 or 7 mins is too long when the swings are in demand. Perfectly fine not to instantly remove him. I'd have said to the mum we only just got on, so we will have three mins, won't we Jimmy, and then we are getting off. But being on so long and being obstinate because you felt she was being pushy was not on. I often say "we are waiting our turn' to my kids because it is important to teach them turn taking and patience. But on many swings if you played somewhere else the kids would never get on them as other kids would wait, so you need to wait near them. Impossible to say whether she was really being rude and pushy or whether she was reasonable. But YABU for taking so long and being rude in doing so.

Mine often share a toilet cubicle (two are the same sex) and if we travel by tube and it's busy I'll get youngest to sit on my lap or the youngest 2 share a seat or the kids will all stand. Most people with multiple kids do the same? We don't think as we have more kids we are entitled to more swings / toilet cubicles etc. I also make sure my kids are 'quick' in busy places so they wouldn't all have 5 minutes on the swing each.

But you seem to agree with me - in the absence of a swing each mine are allowed to have a quick go each on a swing we share (and have waited our turn for) before we vacate for others? Which is what I said park mum should have done!! She had one swing so she gives both her kids a go on that one instead of expecting the other swing as well?

This post isn’t about sharing personal belongings though is it? It’s about sharing resources that are available to everyone and being polite. Same as letting people get off the train before you get on, or not eating all the food at a work lunch. It definitely shows when some adults haven’t been taught manners as kids though 🤣

I don’t make my kids share their personal toys but a swing? Of course, if it is busy then they get a shorter turn than usual.

This thread has reminded me of an incident in the park when my dd was a toddler. There was just one toddler swing and then there were two swings for older kids on the other side of the park.

There was a boy of around 10 on the toddler swing, with a couple of his mates stood nearby. The other swings were also occupied. DD wanted the swing but I explained to her that she would need to wait her turn. Initially I encouraged her to use the other equipment, but we later went to stand near the swing to let the boy know that we were waiting. I probably did make some comments to dd during that time about waiting for her turn, but the boy didn't show any inclination to move and neither he nor his friends even made any eye contact. I was getting increasingly irritated by his selfishness and by the fact that this much bigger boy wasn't giving way to my tiny toddler, especially as both of the other swings had been vacated by this point and they were obviously more appropriate for this older child than for my dd. Eventually, I asked him if he would move to let my dd have a turn. That was when he very sheepishly informed me that he was stuck in the toddler swing and couldn't get out!🤣

We don't expect children to share these types of personal items either.

The closest analogy to this is probably a gym. You are expected not to hog the equipment, to move off equpment while resting between sets if someone is waiting, and to spend a limited amount of time on popular equipment e.g, the treadmill in busy periods. A lot of gyms even write this into their Ts and Cs, put up signs and get the staff to enforce the rules. Most gym goers who have some notion of considering others as well as themselves happily do these things without being asked.

In a similar vein you might want to search MN for "lane swimming" threads which is another example of having to adapt what you might to do to provide space for others.

It sounds daft, because it is daft I'm afraid. Straight out of the same play book that has children growing up believing their feelings take priority over everything and creates entitled adults who struggle when they learn that not every feeling will be 'validated' in the real world.
Understanding the concept of facilities that are for everyone and how to use them fairly is a life lesson for anyone who's going to be living as part of a community.
Its entirely possible to raise children to understand their rights to access things are as important as others (so they don't need to get off immediately) but not more important (so they get to hog something intended for sharing all day because...feelings).

You were on shaky ground before that post because 5 minutes swinging on a swing is enough. If it doesn't get boring for the child, it definitely would for the adult pushing the swing. I don't believe for one minute that you have stood for an hour gently pushing a swing without losing your mind.

Op the time on the swing was fine, 6-7 mins isnt that long and its equally important to teach patience to children.

It's not your turn. So it's not about you commandeering the swings, because you are not the user of the settings, the child is.

If you have the children and there are three swings free then of course they use the swings. If there's a queue after a few minutes they get off to allow other children to use them.

This is really really weird.

If you take your 3 children to the toilets (assuming for now same sex and old enough to sort themselves out), then that's have a cubicle each because they are the toilet user.

If you go to a restaurant, they don't all share one chair or one meal.

A swing is no different.

At our park, the swings are frequently hogged by teenagers who just sit on them (while other thread).

If there is a queue you say to gs- there are other children waiting for a go so just 2 more minutes.
YABVVVVU to keep your gs on the swing that long when other children waited.

I've 2 minds about this. I agree that you don't just get off.

I also agree that his turn should be under 5 mins as it's not fair to monopolise the swing when others were waiting...

BUT the other mum had her other child on the other swing for nearly as long as your son so I also think her child should have got off the swing to share... I.e. exactly what happened. Same principle.

I've been in the same position as the other mum- 2 children 1 swing available and my children shared the swing.

In other circumstances though OP, pls don't let your child hog the swing for so long.

It’s not always that easy to get a toddler/young child to play elsewhere in the park if they’re set on the swing. I will often have to repeatedly reassure my child we are waiting for someone else to finish and then they’ll have their turn. It’s not some kind of passive aggressive comment secretly directed at the other adult, I’m literally just supporting my child to build patience.

I also agree with others that 6/7 mins is too long. Couple of minutes, then 10 more swings and let someone else have a turn. If you got off immediately, that would be implying your grandson’s needs aren’t important, but there’s a balance.

If Op goes to parks frequently then one day she'll be the one waiting for an eternity. That will give her time to reflect on how it feels from the other side.

We're in a busy-ish park, I have x3 kids that all want to go on the swings, I am not sure what to do in your eyes?

Do I commandeer all the swings? Do I pick a favourite child and only let them go on the swing? Or do I take one swing when it's our turn of course (thus leaving the other swings free to be shared) and let them all have a quick go each and move on?

I am genuinely curious now as to what your solution is.

Thank goodness I'm past all this shit now as mine are older.

So entitled mother wanted both swings. Pretty selfish. Not sure why kids wait by swings now, we never did as kids, go do something else. We had this when my eldest was a baby, a load of massive kids and their parents queuing to go on the toddler swings while the regular ones sat there unused. No one was rude about it though and no children cried.

Speak for yourself.

I was taught by my parents to share and to be considerate of the needs of other people around me. Those principles absolutely inform how I live my life as an adult. Sadly, I do encounter some people like you who were clearly taught to be selfish, but I don't regard that as a positive thing at all.

OP, kids don't acquire self worth by learning to be selfish, and you are not doing your grandson any favours by teaching him to be self-centred and inconsiderate.

Leaving a table in a busy cafe when you and your friend have finished coffee and cake , rather than sitting there for another hour without reordering because ' we got here first'.
Being considerate of gym equipment, fast/ slow lanes in swimming pools
Not panic buying things you can't use/ eat before they go off.
Not spreading your camping equipment into someone else's pitch space
Not playing loud music in your garden/ public places .
Important life skills start when you are a small child on things others want yo play with too.

Genuine apologies- I thought you were being goady but you're being overly self sacrificing. If you have 3 kids please go ahead and let them know they're all fine to have a turn, even if an only child has to wait. It's not you having a turn, it's them!

Why does it make no sense?

I have x3 kids and would never expect all 3 of them to have a swing at the same time let alone ask someone to vacate a swing so we could have more than one swing and they'd have no swings? We'd share what is available.

It makes no sense to me that the majority here seem to think this woman was entitled to both swings?

And thank you for the spelling correction 👍

YAB very unreasonable. This is what you are teaching these children.

Thats a lifetime for the other small child who is waiting. Put your child on, have a couple of minutes, get off and do other things.

I think you're getting a hard time on here, OP. You were on the swing first, when a queue formed you let your grandson stay on a few minutes longer and then took him off to let other kids have a turn. I don't see a problem with that. People are arguing over a couple of minutes here. Seems daft.

Yes, of course your grandson needs to learn to share and take turns. But so do the other children in the park. Waiting a few minutes won't hurt them and they all got to have their turn so what's the issue?

That makes no sense and is a bit goady, no? It's the children using the swings, not the parent. By that logic only children should get double or triple what siblings do in every situation.

And it's 'out of principle'.