AIBU to let my grandson stay on the swing

Try not to take things so literally.

And as far as the swings go, you balance your own needs with those of other people. It’s a life lesson as previously stated.

When selfishness starts to negatively impact others and is at their expense, it’s at that point that it becomes unacceptable.

I agree. My daughter is 6 and has a half brother who is 29 years old and he is a brat because his parents brought him and his sister up to believe the world revolves around them and their feelings are the only ones that matter . He tries to arrange family events that deliberately exclude my dd to make a point because he’s angry that his dad had another child. I only know this because her dad tells me!

Anyway, I made my feelings known to him and told him his behaviour is horrible and he threatened to send me a cease and desist letter 😂😂

Honestly, I cannot imagine how difficult his life must be as an adult with such a delusional grip on reality. And it’s all because of poor parenting. A cautionary tale if you ask me….

Has anyone actually said they should jump straight off when someone else arrives?

There’s a fine line between teaching him that he’s important and teaching him that he always comes first and is the main character everywhere he goes.

A few minutes when the park is busy is plenty, it’s good to teach him that he gets a go and also that we let others who are waiting have a turn.

It feels like we've had a lot of this over the summer 😅! So much time spent in playgrounds. Oh well, it's part of learning social skills and how to share spaces with others.

Rules of the playground imo... you have to wait your turn, you have to take turns. So no, you can't expect someone to jump off just because you've decided you want to go on something, they're entitled to a decent go. But no, you can't stay on playground equipment forever if others want to use it... it's a shared, public resource and we all have to... well... share it. And 5 minutes is too long for a go if there's a queue. If the playground is busy, it's perfectly reasonable for a child to stand and wait for their turn, rather than run away and play on something else... otherwise they might miss their go if someone else butts in!

I've had all sorts this summer. I've had parents ordering my older child off a roundabout because their little children want to use it and he was going too fast for them (🙄), I've had to order my kids off equipment that they've been hogging and stop them butting in on other kids' turns, I've had to stop my bigger one from going on a dragon swing that some smaller children were having a go on and I've had a parent having a go at me because a younger child was playing with mine and followed him up a big climbing frame when the parent wasn't looking and the child got scared and couldn't come down.

Just be reasonable. You're sharing the space. Do your bit to create a nice, safe, enjoyable experience for everyone. I've always treated going to the playground like having a big, extended playdate for lots of random kids. Ideally, all the kids should enjoy themselves, not just mine.

Too long if it’s busy

Well, that was rather selfish of you, wasn't it?! YWVU.

Mine like to go in together. What can I say? Yes they are old enough to manage by themselves but usually if one goes for a wee then other does too - 100% their own choice. They may go on the same cubicle, they may not but in a busy environment yes they'd go in together or even come in with me.

With regards to the swings, if it's busy and they all want a go then they have a quick go. Children with siblings tend to be better at compromise / sharing / adapting. For mine it wouldn't be an issue if they got 2 minutes each whereas the kids next to them had a full 5 minutes on the swing, it wouldn't even register to be honest.

You don’t think your kids are entitled to a toilet cubicle each just because they have siblings? They have to wait longer just because they have siblings? Of course different if they’re young enough to still need help and that’s why you’re all in one cubicle but the post you were replying to said ‘assuming they’re old enough to sort themselves out’.

So similarly on a swing I’d expect all children to get a similar length of time, even if they have siblings.

You could have said to her, ‘my gs has only just got on.’ He had to wait for his turn too. We’ll only be a few minutes.

I think that children do need to learn to take turns - but that doesn’t mean getting off as soon as someone else says they want a go. Kids should learn how to enjoy their turn, not just give it to whichever loud mouth is demanding they get off. Children who are waiting need to learn that they don’t get what they want almost instantly because they’re ’waiting for it’ either.

That’s a good point. Most people give to charity and share stuff within the family. But for most part I guess adult sharing (with strangers) looks a bit different. Allowing cars into the traffic flow for example, stopping to allow some with a child to cross the road, offering someone older a seat on the train or offering to put their bag in the rack, saying can I help you. It’s sharing your time I suppose and very similar to common courtesy.

It took you 5-6 minutes to decide and over think this!?
Boy, I hope the other decisions in your life are less complex or you'll be paralysed.

But her daughter had been on less time than your grandson. You were being very rude and selfish, but your sort of attitude is everywhere these days so it doesn’t surprise me.

Speak for yourself. I was taught to share as a child. All the things you list are not the things you share to fit into society. It's road space, room at the bar, space in changing rooms and not parking on pavements that is the meaningful sharing.

The OP should have acknowledged the approaching Mum, told little Jimmy that he had another two minutes and then it was the other kids turn. Y'know, show a bit of humility.

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I think it’s good not to jump straight off the swing to show him he’s as important as other children. But you don’t need to stay on for 7 minutes to get that message home. You stayed on extra long to spite the mother, but you’re surely too old to spite people when children are involved. So YANBU to keep your grandson on the swing for a bit, YABU for taking so long. I get you want to teach your DGS self worth, but you don’t want to teach him he’s more important surely.

You could also have just politely said to the other parent "We've just got on so we'll be about 5 mins".

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I will also add that there is an awful child at my son’s school that has never been taught to share. There’s a play park just outside so all the kids go over straight after school for a play on it. Every single day he cries, whines, moans about someone not letting him have a go, having to wait, kids not playing the game he wants to play, always tatting to his parents. It’s insufferable! You can tell he was bought up with this mentality of I can have anything I want for as long as I want. I would much rather my child get off one minute before they are ‘ready’ than end up with an awful kid like that.

Also for the poster saying it’s the Montessori way of teaching - it most certainly is not! Montessori does not teach children to be selfish, it’s teaches respect for others and the things around them, learning to play in shared spaces with shared belongings. Whoever that poster is has read what she’s found and interpreted it to fit their own selfish attitude to try and justify the awful behaviour their children must display.

If there are only two swings in a playground and it's obvious kids are waiting, we have a two minute rule. It's just good manners!

I have politely asked parents to wrap up their kid's turn when they've been on there 5+ minutes. Especially when the parents are chatting away to each other or on their phones and perhaps just not realising that others are waiting.

Queuing for a swing can feel pushy, but a number of times we've gone over to something else and been too far away to dash back when a swing becomes free and I can only expect my 3 y/o to be cool about missing out so many times before she's going to flip! So we queue. She practices patience, and it lets the people using the swing know that others are waiting.

You're not BU in that particular situation, but you seem to think you should never have to let someone else have a turn? That's very unreasonable. Surely as an adult you know that teaching young kids to be gracious and generous is important? Being selfish comes naturally to humans - that's not something you need to teach.

3-5 mins is a reasonable go on a swing when other children are waiting.

If the park is busy then sometimes you have to queue/ wait near the swings or you would never get a turn.

I would have just said 'Oh look, there's another child waiting to go on the swing, let's have a few more minutes here and then we'll let them have a turn'.

You strike the balance of them being important, but also letting the other child have a turn.

Obviously don't take your child off immediately if they've just got on, but longer than 5 minutes is a bit mean to the child who is waiting.

Give them a '10 more swings' warning when it's time, count the swings so they are ready to get off and the other child knows it's nearly their turn.

Doesn't really matter how the other parent is behaving, I'd do the same every time.

No of course not.
Because some things are our own possessions, earned or purchased by or for us. We share these only if we choose.
Other things are provided by another body, the state, local authority or a business, for the use of everyone. We share these because they are no more ours than anyone else's.