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AIBU?

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AIBU to tell my husband I do not want swinging?

207 replies

DiabeticChocolateLover · 01/09/2026 19:16

Apologies for the length I'll try to precis as much as I can. Prudes look away.

M/F married couple, 17 years. Mid 60s. Husband came out to me mid way thru as bisexual, ok no issue. Then said he wanted to watch me have sex with so else. Uh uh. No way. He accepted that for a few years until we moved to a town with a "sauna" which he started visiting a couple of times a month. I could deal with that. Then it was come with me and I felt I ok, I'll go see as tbh I do like dressing in sexy lingerie. But I hate it there. He then joined Fab Swingers with a joint account, I wasn't happy but went along because he sulked when I said I wasn't really interested. He wanted me to make my own account so after a few drinks one night and under a bit of pressure I did, got lots of weirdos so sneakily I closed the account. So far I have managed to avoid having sex with anyone else. He says he just wants me to enjoy someone else and for them to enjoy me, but tbh at nearly 70, as Boy George said, I'd rather have a cup of tea. He's obsessed, its all he talks about. . And yes I know I don't have to do anything I don't want to but irl the atmosphere it will cause will make me give in. Again. We go away a lot to places with swingers clubs and I love the travel but not what he wants to do when we get there. If I say anything I know he will say there's little point in going away then. He's a lovely guy otherwise and looks after me so well, but I just don't know how to tell him I don't want the life he wants.

OP posts:
thetinsoldier · 01/09/2026 19:27

Slobberchops1 · 01/09/2026 19:20

Well clearly he’s not a lovely guy because he is pressuring you and guilting you to do things you aren’t comfortable with . If he won’t leave it and keeps sulking , I think it’s time to call it a day .

Agree.

He’s not lovely! He tramples all over your boundaries and sulks when you say no.

He’s a sex pest.

I’d leave him.

PauliesWalnuts · 01/09/2026 19:27

If he’s bisexual and going to local saunas, is he practicing safe sex?

MajorSamanthaCarter · 01/09/2026 19:26

He's trying to manipulate you into doing something sexually that you don't want to do, please explain how exactly he's a lovely guy!!

nowimabeliever · 01/09/2026 19:25

I would just get divorced tbh.

Bloatstoat · 01/09/2026 19:24

I don't think anybody would say YABU. You find it hard to tell him you don't want to do the things he wants because he refuses to listen or accept you aren't interested, which is absolutely not the actions of a lovely man who treats you well.

Slobberchops1 · 01/09/2026 19:20

Well clearly he’s not a lovely guy because he is pressuring you and guilting you to do things you aren’t comfortable with . If he won’t leave it and keeps sulking , I think it’s time to call it a day .

HairyToity · 01/09/2026 19:19

Not for me. I'd walk away on the sauna visits.