AIBU to tell my husband I do not want swinging?

You say that standing your ground will cause an atmosphere that will make you want to give in. Can you imagine the shock you'd feel if your DC or a good friend told you she was in a relationship where she felt pressured into having sex with other people?

What advice would you give to someone you loved in that situation? Love yourself. Either find a way to turn this around and create an atmosphere he can't stand when he tries to do that, or leave him.

How often are these threads happening with men pressuring women to sleep with other men, it seems every few days at the moment! Why are men such bloody sleezebags and why do so many women tolerate it.

Sorry but your partner isnt lovely at all, he is a creep thinking you are an object for his sex games rather than a person! How the hell anyone calls that lovely I will never understand.

I’m sorry - just so I am clear - he goes to the sauna to have sex with other people and you dress in lingerie and go watch him?

He’s not a lovely guy.

He’s an abusive, coercive, sex pest who is bullying you into doing something that you do not want to do.

Leave him to his ‘Saunas’, get yourself a sexual health check and a Solicitor.

this has really tickled me. Great response!

Made my skin crawl just reading the OP, how can you bare to be in the same room let alone married to this person?

These bloody men, decades of having sex and they still want to explore kinks pushing 70. They really do maximise every second their balls are on this earth

It’s fine if that’s not your kink, but he should not be pressuring you just because he thinks you will eventually just give in. If you have said no and he continues to pester that crosses the line into manipulation. That doesn’t make him a nice guy that makes him a jerk! No means no, he should have accepted that the first time you said no.

No he wants her there. He goes off on his own too but he drags OP along as that's part of his fetish.

Guilt doesn't seem to be something that troubles him.

He's a deviant, not a lovely man.

This 👏🙂

think that's what the op's husband is hoping she'll do so he can go and be free and gay without guilt. Really dull when people choose to be abusive rather than just to man up and break up with someone. having multiple cakes and eating them too it seems. Although, op is a bit ridiculous and giving mixed messages...she "likes the travel" with the swingers clubs? but not what he does when he's there? what does she expect him to do on a swinger's holiday?? just sit about by the pool?

I’d swing for him but not in the way he expects!

A lovely guy who looks after you would not be pressurising you to have sex when and with who you don't want to

Everything I read about original sexual practices - on this site mainly - says that consent and communication are even more essential.
So he... registered "jointly" to a swinger's site without asking you first. What, is he describing you or showing photos of you there as well? Without asking your opinion?

You need to decide two things

• what you tolerate he does and still be in a relationship with you
• what you enjoy, don't enjoy, and at what point those hobbies of his are without you

And if he's drifted away so far that your relationship isn't genuine anymore... People change. It sounds like he has.

One male user is interviewed and admits he has been to ‘swing’ where women have looked scared or sad at what they’re having to do.

This is so sad. I despair at what women go through into to please and keep their husbands. Most men would cut their losses and leave us if we put them through half of what they did. We could actually learn something from them.

What on earth. I’ll never look at the old dears in the same way ever again.

🤮

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm wondering if there have been scenarios in the past which you've initially said no to, which with some persuasion, or more likely coercion, You've ended up going along with. And now in his eyes, 'no' means keep trying and eventually you'll give in. I really thing you need to think about where your own boundaries lie - what you are genuinely happy to do - and communicate these to him clearly, making him aware that they are not up for discussion!!! If he continues pushing you, don't enter into a conversation about it, simply repeat a chosen phrase e.g. "that's not something I'm up for, and I'm not prepared to discuss it any further." I'm sorry to say that if he doesn't respect this boundary, it may be worth reconsidering the relationship.

Please listen to Swingers by on BBC Sounds. It’s a series of programmes to listen to which highlight the role of coercion for workers men using swinging websites. One male user is interviewed and admits he has been to ‘swing’ where women have looked scared or sad at what they’re having to do. I would everyone to listen to understand the power pressure can have, not just for themselves but to be aware for their friends.
I’ll include a screenshot which will hopefully be published, the series is from radio Wales

Coerce is the correct term.

OP. This is abuse. It’s coercive control.

Call a domestic abuse helpline and talk through your relationship and see what comes of that conversation.

So far I have managed to avoid having sex with anyone else.

The very fact you have written this sentence like it's in anyway normal or OK says it all OP. He's erodeding your boundaries. You tried the sauna, you hate the sauna, stop going. It will eat away at you and he is not lovely he's a pushy sex pest. Lovely men don't pressure and sulk at their wives to be sex toy props. He knows full well you won't enjoy it so the "I want you to enjoy yourself" is crap.

He's mentally abusive and unfaithful. Dump the git. He's never going to stop pressuring you to do what he wants.

He is not a lovely guy , he is abusive and is continually trampling over any boundary you try to set. I think you have boiling frog syndrome … you’re so far in it you can’t see how the is .

Over 65s have the second highest level of STIs as an age group. So clearly lots of people