AIBU to tell my husband I do not want swinging?

Horrible just horrible .

This sounds like a form of domestic abuse OP.

The fact you say it's all he talks about and says there is no point going away if you wont go swinging makes him sound like a complete pervert.

🤮 Get yourself tested for hiv and all stis and get yourself a divorce.

Troll or not, treating it as the truth still means that there is a clear message to anyone reading this thread now, or in the future, that this behaviour is abusive. Doubting the veracity, on the other hand, might dissuade women from sharing similar dilemmas.

So all in all, much better to give the ‘benefit of the doubt’ in my view. If you really don’t believe a thread … scroll on and don’t engage.

Nobody should be pressuring you into sexual situations you do not want OP. This is not a nice man, please leave.

Clicks = cash.

You reported a thread recently? As I said above, it doesnt matter how clear it is that its a troll, mumsnet say they are giving the benefit of the doubt. Report the thread used to be great advice, unfortunately its a pointless exercise these days. The person could be trollymctrollface and the title could be im a troll and MN would still 'give the benefit of the doubt'

i haven’t read the replies as it’s late, I expect others have already said this, but please listen to Swingers on BBC sounds. I think you will feel better informed and empowered to say no. He is coercing you into something you do not want to do, it would probably escalate. He is not a good man at all. Nobody is all bad, please do not think that because he is decent in other areas he is a good husband. A decent man would not be asking g this of you.

Instead of calling bullshit,n you should report the thread.

There seems to be a thread on a similar subject every few days so im inclined to agree. The bullshit threads lately are either im far too wealthy and here is my dilemma...insert absolute crap about horses or holiday homes, or my husband is trying to get me to sleep with other people. And no matter how much they are reported, MN always "gives the benefit of the doubt" its starting to get a bit ridiculous now.

Someone even posted the other day asking if MN are just making these threads up and it does make you wonder.

That’s not a helpful perspective. It’s not easy to leave a controlling partner.

He’s not lovely. YABU for putting up with it for this long.

I very much doubt the scenario TBH.

I can't get past the bit where according to him there is 'no point' going away unless you shag random people while you're there.

Also you've 'managed to avoid having sex with anyone else' (so far). So coercive.

He says he just wants me to enjoy someone else and for them to enjoy me

This isn't true; if he wanted you to enjoy yourself he'd listen to you and respect what you're saying.

He doesn't care whether the 3rd wheel in this scenario enjoys themselves or not.

He wants to see someone else fucking you because the thought of that (and possibly even the fact that you're reluctant) turns him on.

He has no respect for you, your feelings and your body.

What a vile man.

He’s not lovely, he’s a coercive abuser. Probably the type to drug and abuse you in your sleep.

You do not have to do this. In your shoes, I’d get a divorce asap.

Apologies as I clicked YABU by mistake - you’re not being unreasonable to not want to swing!

I’ve started listening to this. My god.

OP the fact he’s continuing to pressure you even though he knows you really don’t want to is a huge red flag. He’s not a “lovely guy”. Not in the least.

The OP hasn’t been back. Have we scared her off with the truth about her DH?

I work in healthcare & we have an ED clinic within our Urology OP. We have men in their late 80s attending! NHS spends money to make sure very elderly men can still get hard ons while women’s health is severely neglected & underfunded. According to someone who works there many of them want to watch porn well after they are physically capable of having sex.

Sorry if this has already been shared, haven’t read the whole thread yet. But feels v relevant.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c87q7g48y4po

YWBU when you gave in and did something you didn't want to do. I couldn't get past my husband encouraging/cajoling/forcing me into something I didn't want to do, whatever that was, least of all having sex with other men.

I think you have to accept he's actually not lovely and your marriage isn't that great. You can do better, and deserve to

So you married in your mid to late forties or even fifty, then later on your H told you he was bi? Which he'd known all along, of course, just hadn't bothered to tell you.

He doesn't want you to enjoy yourself, else he wouldn't be pressuring you to have sex with other men. This all about him & his wishes and please try to withstand his tactics. It'll do you no good to give in.

im sure the nearly 200 posts are all about how vile and abusive he is, which he is, but enough for op to get the message.

so op, how can we help you here?

the bit from you op that is telling is ‘he looks after me so well’. That must be why you stay and put up with this, but what do you mean by it? What does he do?

If you mean financially, do you even know that whatever assets either of you have, including pension are joint and will be split in a divorce, regardless of whose name they’re in? You can do some research on this online without needing to respond.

or do you mean he does the housework and cooking? I’m going to guess not, given the picture you’ve laid of him.

or maybe he does the driving? Easily fixable, by you learning, using public transport, or finding female friends who are happy to drive so that you can travel.

just explore all the options op. I don’t think any amount of ‘looking after you so well otherwise’ could possibly make up for this sexual abuse and coercion.

“You love the travel” lol sorry OP that’s made me laugh ! Just suggest a scenic day out somewhere if that’s the case ! Seriously though he’s got no respect for you I couldn’t stay with someone like that he sounds bloody grim