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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

320 replies

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:33

DH and I were very friendly with a group of people, 3 couples. They came to our wedding, one of the men was my husbands best man etc. We all had children around the same time. Kids all got on in school and were invited to each others parties etc.

Then, two other couples joined the group, one woman was always a ‘Queen Bee’ type but nice enough, the other got a job as teacher in our small local primary school.

The teacher taught my daughter but unfortunately I had some issues with the school and had to raise a complaint eventually. Suddenly I was the complete outcast, the group closed up and ostracised myself and DH, despite the complaint not being directed at this teacher.

We lost our friendship group and even wider friends in one fell swoop which hurt so much. I suspect that the teacher (who is so far up her own backside she can kiss her teeth) did her level best to drag our names through the mud even though we had a legitimate complaint to make about the school and how they were treating a number of children who were set to go to a secondary school that wasn’t the choice of the school. Not one of them have actually ever had the guts to speak to me or tell me what I was meant to have done and even 15 years later it hurts when I see them and they blank me.

I’d love to ask them what their problem is after all this time, it was a hurtful, childish and ‘mean girl’ thing to do. I’d have preferred it if one of them had the guts to actually tell me at the time that I’d done something to upset someone. All I can think of is the school complaint. I can absolutely guarantee that if there was an issue with the schooling of one of their children they would have done exactly the same thing.

OP posts:
PleaseDontAsk · 02/09/2026 07:12

Strawberrymilkshakez · 01/09/2026 21:59

Village mentality I’m afraid. I removed my dc from a village primary people blanked me and removed me on social media. Lucky escape for me. I’m surprised you still live there!

Things like this make me grateful to live in London, and I realise I will leave it in a box.

If I had any kind of fallout with somebody I would never see them again.

cumbrians · 02/09/2026 07:05

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:52

The dynamics in the group meant that as soon as the queen bee joined, around the same time as the teacher they all kow towed to her too. They are the wealthiest in the group. They bought a caravan, next thing they all bought caravans. If one bought something or went somewhere then they all followed suit.

And you are bothered to be out of this group why?

SethAndReubenTooSendGaloshes · 02/09/2026 06:59

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:52

The dynamics in the group meant that as soon as the queen bee joined, around the same time as the teacher they all kow towed to her too. They are the wealthiest in the group. They bought a caravan, next thing they all bought caravans. If one bought something or went somewhere then they all followed suit.

What a boring bunch of bastards. I get that they were your friends but they sound like twats and you're better off.

AdjectiveColourNoun · 02/09/2026 06:57

It sounds like you had already distanced yourself from them before you were ostracised. And you also continue to sound very judgmental of their characters which you probably transmitted to them whether you meant to or not. It’s still odd that you have been totally blanked by a whole group of people so good you are going to ask. Why doesn’t your husband know if he still chats to some of the men. This doesn’t all quite add up somehow.

Original poster
pricecap · 02/09/2026 06:47

The men weren’t terribly close I suppose, they still chat and talk when they see one another now, husband included. It was the women element here that had it in for me. It was a strange dynamic anyway as I wasn’t originally from the area so when I met my husband I was already an outsider. I was included but it seemed as soon as they had an excuse to blank me they did.
Its definitely small village mentality, they enmeshed themselves into each others lives to a ridiculous extent, holidaying together, doing everything together. I would never had wanted that as we prefer to do our own thing. I just don’t like being blanked, even after all these years.
However, I’ve decided, the next time I see any one of them I will be asking them what their problem is after all these years

OP posts:
Thegirlwhowent · 02/09/2026 06:18

We are definitely seeing only one side of the story here.

Speakeasier · 02/09/2026 06:09

Bikergran · 02/09/2026 04:53

15 years. 15 years. 15 bloody years. Who have you affected by holding all this anger and resentment for this long? YOU!!!! Nobody else at all in this silly childish scenario, they probably never give you a second thought. FFS forget the whole stupid episode, it's ridiculous to witter on about it 15 years later!

What?

It’s the other people blanking her in the street that are holding onto it, surely?

I can’t believe anyone would be fine about their close friends blanking them for years especially when they regularly bump into them. And presumably if you live in a village it’s not that easy to avoid them or find another group of friends to replace them.

I agree with those people who think your ex friends who dumped you can’t be real friends if they did this so easily. And they all sound a bit pathetic if they copy each other’s hobbies and all gang up against someone. I’m in a group where two people have fallen out and the rest of us refuse to take sides.

BeethovenNinth · 02/09/2026 05:54

It’s very hurtful. Did DH not ask his best man?

what was the school complaint about?

pictoosh · 02/09/2026 05:20

Bikergran · 02/09/2026 04:53

15 years. 15 years. 15 bloody years. Who have you affected by holding all this anger and resentment for this long? YOU!!!! Nobody else at all in this silly childish scenario, they probably never give you a second thought. FFS forget the whole stupid episode, it's ridiculous to witter on about it 15 years later!

How kind.

Bikergran · 02/09/2026 04:53

15 years. 15 years. 15 bloody years. Who have you affected by holding all this anger and resentment for this long? YOU!!!! Nobody else at all in this silly childish scenario, they probably never give you a second thought. FFS forget the whole stupid episode, it's ridiculous to witter on about it 15 years later!

Ratherhaveacupofteaandabiscuit · 02/09/2026 03:11

GaaNeen · 01/09/2026 21:59

Being Wendied is a mumsnet ?verb / reference

Show quote history

I am aware of that and it is using a specific female name in a negative way.

BigYellowBus · 02/09/2026 02:23

Bumcake · 01/09/2026 23:20

Did your husband never ask what was going on? Does he think the school issue caused it?

Why does everyone else here know what “ wendied” is?

This. I get it from the context, I think, but 'wendied'. Where does it come from?

Absolutelynot2 · 02/09/2026 01:17

viques · 01/09/2026 23:23

To be honest the way you write about the “queen bee” it sounds as though if there hadn’t been the issue with the school you would have found some other issue to gripe about.

I think after 15 years you do need to move on. What’s the saying? A grudge rots the pocket you keep it in, I don’t think you can have many pockets left.

Oh, I like that saying, never heard that one.

Absolutelynot2 · 02/09/2026 01:16

It's gone past time to let it go, though I can see how living in a small village might rub your nose in it a bit. But 15 years later and you're still very aggrieved - I think you should work on discarding these people from your thoughts.

Notbuiltforheat · 02/09/2026 00:30

OnlyUsername · 01/09/2026 18:50

Well... People only do this so easily if they're already looking for an excuse. You may well have blotted your copybook unknowingly well before the complaint.

No. A lot of people take the path of least resistance. It’s shitty when you’re on the other end, but it’s true.

NotTerfNorCis · 02/09/2026 00:22

I think the reason the OP can't get over it is because she still sees these people around and they blank her. People who used to be her close friends. And she doesn't know why. It's pretty disturbing really.

EvieBB · 01/09/2026 23:51

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:33

DH and I were very friendly with a group of people, 3 couples. They came to our wedding, one of the men was my husbands best man etc. We all had children around the same time. Kids all got on in school and were invited to each others parties etc.

Then, two other couples joined the group, one woman was always a ‘Queen Bee’ type but nice enough, the other got a job as teacher in our small local primary school.

The teacher taught my daughter but unfortunately I had some issues with the school and had to raise a complaint eventually. Suddenly I was the complete outcast, the group closed up and ostracised myself and DH, despite the complaint not being directed at this teacher.

We lost our friendship group and even wider friends in one fell swoop which hurt so much. I suspect that the teacher (who is so far up her own backside she can kiss her teeth) did her level best to drag our names through the mud even though we had a legitimate complaint to make about the school and how they were treating a number of children who were set to go to a secondary school that wasn’t the choice of the school. Not one of them have actually ever had the guts to speak to me or tell me what I was meant to have done and even 15 years later it hurts when I see them and they blank me.

I’d love to ask them what their problem is after all this time, it was a hurtful, childish and ‘mean girl’ thing to do. I’d have preferred it if one of them had the guts to actually tell me at the time that I’d done something to upset someone. All I can think of is the school complaint. I can absolutely guarantee that if there was an issue with the schooling of one of their children they would have done exactly the same thing.

What a set of witches! So sorry OP

Burred · 01/09/2026 23:29

pricecap · 01/09/2026 18:52

The dynamics in the group meant that as soon as the queen bee joined, around the same time as the teacher they all kow towed to her too. They are the wealthiest in the group. They bought a caravan, next thing they all bought caravans. If one bought something or went somewhere then they all followed suit.

The way you refer to this group is a bit drama/immature tbh. The name-calling, this kind of thing ^ (which is simply ridiculous); people 'dancing to the tune' of 'the main instigator.'

Whatever the issue is, the way you talk about them is a bit distracting.

viques · 01/09/2026 23:23

To be honest the way you write about the “queen bee” it sounds as though if there hadn’t been the issue with the school you would have found some other issue to gripe about.

I think after 15 years you do need to move on. What’s the saying? A grudge rots the pocket you keep it in, I don’t think you can have many pockets left.

Bumcake · 01/09/2026 23:20

Did your husband never ask what was going on? Does he think the school issue caused it?

Why does everyone else here know what “ wendied” is?

MNLurker1345 · 01/09/2026 23:14

Lovelyview · 01/09/2026 19:56

I live in a village and sadly this shit happens all the time. You see fresh faced newbies joining the whatsapp group and saying how amazing everyone is and you know within a couple of years there'll be affairs, arguments over hedges, stalking and disputes relating to some committee or other. There will be lots of hurt feelings, people will ignore other people, people will move away, new people will arrive and the cycle will repeat. I hope you have found other friends op. This lot sound like nightmares. You're better off without them.

I was a newbie over 10 years ago. I didn’t join the WhatsApp group. Still not on it, I prefer the newsletter. I am a dying breed though.
I get the gossip from the village gossip and pretend I knew already and only tell my DH and DD.

@pricecap try to not allow it to upset you and now step back from it and in future ‘smile and wave’. That is the best annoyance you could send to Queen Bee.

Emmerdale IRL, sheep and all.

GarlicSomething · 01/09/2026 23:12

People bandy the word 'narcissist' around very freely, but Wendies are, often, the real deal. Being the most popular, most loved, most admired is life or death to them and they pursue it ruthlessly. They lie, start rumours and set traps for anyone they perceive as standing in their way. Their egos are genuinely fragile, so most people pander to them to avoid causing a meltdown.

MalcolmTent · 01/09/2026 23:03

Lovelyview · 01/09/2026 19:56

I live in a village and sadly this shit happens all the time. You see fresh faced newbies joining the whatsapp group and saying how amazing everyone is and you know within a couple of years there'll be affairs, arguments over hedges, stalking and disputes relating to some committee or other. There will be lots of hurt feelings, people will ignore other people, people will move away, new people will arrive and the cycle will repeat. I hope you have found other friends op. This lot sound like nightmares. You're better off without them.

Is that village Emmerdale?

MNLurker1345 · 01/09/2026 23:02

@pricecap I just needed to know more about the name reference in your post, you veterans.

Does it really mean that much in your life, that mean girls are being mean girls. Despite the fact that they are not girls. Maybe there lies the problem. Some adults are not mature.

Isn’t your life a better place without people like this in it?

Forget Queen Bee, are the others nice people if not under her control?

I live in a very small village. One neighbour has issues, but she has some personal problems going on. I don’t get involved, I don’t affiliate, I just breeze around, friendly with everyone.

Poppingby · 01/09/2026 23:00

People are weird about primary schools. Everyone is so obsessed by the perfect community takes a village stuff that if you disrupt the idea of that being true you become an outsider. Happened to me in a less obvious way and I still feel upset about it ten years later! Even though I've got loads of friends and don't even need those sheepy fuckers! Of course you're always going to do what's best for your kids as that's your first responsibility.

You could ask the friend what happened but if you do want to do that make it very jovial and relaxed, don't do it if it all still has a power over you because there's unlikely to be an explanation that makes you feel better. But there might be one that makes them all look like twats.