To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

True! I understand completely OPs dilemma even though it's 15 years on it still hurts. You've every right to be. Fortunately, or unfortunately I too am an independent person with my own opinions and not frightened to speak up to defend my case nor am I impressed with anyone with more money than myself. My friends are chosen on their merit not financial status. (For the record I do have extremely wealthy friends who are genuine long term friends). Once you learn there's no such thing as sistership amongst the majority of women in a group and the Queen Bee narcissist mentality stems from jealousy, low self esteem and insecurity and combined is manipulation. Two newcomers into an established fold, one has to defer to the other. QB realised this and her army is grown and knits. OP is independent and far less likely of being manipulated, she's the loose cannon and unlikely of conforming to the group so is potentially a future danger. QB and her second-in-command know all this, it's so much emphasised in a small community. Little do the group realise that it's completely soul destroying but the sheep stay together in fear of daring to leave the fold.

These people were not your friends.

They were simply people who tolerated you because your children happened to be the same age, go to the same school, and hang out together.

Reading through this thread, it is clear that you didn't particularly like these people as you view them as mindless followers. It is highly likely they picked up on that energy and didn't particularly care for you either.

This association would have naturally fizzled out the moment your children moved on to different secondary schools. Your complaint to the school didn't ruin a lifelong friendship, it just fast-forwarded what was already coming.

It hurts OP. We’ve recently been dumped as well, for having the audacity to share some political views that some ‘friends’ didn’t like. Bear in mind, we’d listened to their views for 5 years and hadn’t passed judgement even though we didn’t agree. The moment we did, finito. It genuinely hurts but I’ve come to realise that a conditional friendship isn’t a friendship at all. My oldest friend and I have completely different political viewpoints and very occasionally it comes up. We take the piss out of each other for thinking differently and then move on, now that’s a real friendship 🤷‍♀️

Sorry for the ramble. What I was also going to say was, are you sure there couldn’t have been anything else? Not that it makes it right or anything. She sounds like blooming Regina George!

Agree - and the time to have got to the bottom of this passes some 15 years ago (while’s appreciating these things can disproportionately hurt for some time after the event - we all accept that the breakup of a romantic or family relationship deeply hurts but not such the death of friendships)

15 years, you never confronted any of them? Never asked what the problem was? Tried to put your own side across?

Sounds like Real Housewives of somewhere. Let it go fgs.

There is something about this message that makes me wonder if they all
just got automatically closer as they did all this stuff together and you weren’t keen so dropped off.

in a group if some are up for group holidays and outings and then all start doing that and one couple isn’t into it and always says no then that couple kind of fades to the background as they miss out on the memories and group bonding. It happens less as a deliberate pushing out and more a kind of assuming that couple isn’t as bothered. Could it be something like that op?

I mean how did it all happen? Did they just suddenly start blanking you, not answering messages etc and you didn’t ask why? Or was it more like you realised you were no longer always invited to the group stuff after a long time of saying you wanted to do your own thing?

If you were close enough to ask one of the men to be Best Man at your wedding then why not approach him? However, if they all behaved like sheep under the influence of that one woman they wouldn’t be the sort of people I’d want to be associated with.

This sort of situation occurs all the time too, similar thing happened to me within a corporate setting; I had been instructed to present a complaint to a committee about one particular member……the task was to just read it and then for the committee to decide on how to address it (the complaint was about another member)……..and I’ve been treated in the most hateful way simply for doing what was asked of me!

I would be devastated, but I am a highly
sensitive person. Not all people would feel this way, it depends on your personality and other life experience.

It sounds to me like the “Queen Bee type” who is followed, may be the dominant one who has a level of control. NPD could be at play here? ….. the followers in the group could be hanging on to the “Queen Bee’s” every word. It is quite frightening how one person can have so much control, think world politics, business, big companies, school playground etc. Unfortunately, whatever you may or may not have done that started this, it will have become twisted and manipulated to suit the narrative. It’s like Chinese whispers, and unfortunately this thing happens throughout life in all areas. You have to be discerning and choose your friends carefully, you need people in your corner who can be trusted and are truthful.

It’s time to tackle this because it is affecting your life, some 15 years later. I would suggest some therapy, and some introspection, work on your self-esteem, talk it out with people you can trust, especially your husband.

There will always be people out there wanting to put you down, criticise and listen to rubbish about you. Don’t give them any oxygen.

I have been there, I know what it’s like and it keeps on happening until you start wising up and putting these people out of your life. Social media doesn’t help, people say things on line in the privacy of their own bedrooms (like trolls), which can damage people badly without the courage to come out and say things to people’s faces. They are just cowards.

Good luck.

psychologically a group sticks together if it has common purpose a bond. you were made one of those bonds. ghosting you united the others and probably the nicer ones were afraid of being ostracised too. Queen bee is a legitimate phrase. it just means she led the group. so if she decided something then all follow. I daresay the teacher you knew was in a school teacher group that all felt dissed by your legitimate wanting the best for your child. you should have made buddies with those other mums. that would have given you a new group. ignoring you is a habit with the old group. it unites them. I hope your kids have good mates. you're a good person

You are the better person. Nothing good comes from looking back and wondering why things happen. The truth is it happened, life can̈ be shitty, you don’t deserve this reaction, but you got it. If you were able to talk to these people, then they would have their own take on things. True friends would not have reacted in this way. Time to move on and don't give these people a second thought!

It’s all AI generated nonsense lol

I have a wendy who last year moved into the area and she instantly got involved and over friendly with her immediate neighbours.
She was new to the area and outwardly friendly to everyone in a superficial way,suited me.
Then things started to change her boyfriend started staying over and he didn't like the neighbours she had instantly become attached to because he saw them as bad people ( he's a copper) so distances himself from them.
They are bad people ( offenders) and bullies she didn't know but goes along with it now.
She plays the neighbours both ways,when he's around she ignores them and when he's not there she's straight round to them gossiping and dining with them.
I've heard them asking her are they still friends because when he's there they don't see her...oh yes she says gushing of course!
Can hear everything esp him telling her to stay away,but all she says to them is that " we do our own thing" absolutely like hell,she tells lies and is disrespectful behind his back.
I don't get involved but have heard it all.....at least it's a distraction from my own shit!
She's split the neighborhood and it's only a small village by being so two faced, not sure if she's a wendy Queen bee or both....LoL

So you have avoided fifteen years of competitive acquisition and caravan holidays. I think that makes you the clear winner.

What a bizarre over reaction. Giving zero shits about someone who is a pain in the arse and you don't like is normal. Pretending people have to care about irritating people who are obsessed by them is not "giving a shit about people" it's an attempt at emotional blackmail to try to force your narrative on me - and it has failed.

Again - try to keep up - you don't know what the OP is actually like. At. All.

But you do know she was dumped by several different couples. Logic dictates she might indeed be a total pain in the arse. And no, of course nobody has to give a shit about her if that is the case. That would be insane, trying to coerce people into bulldozing their boundaries to please one unflushable is emotional abuse.

You are busy slagging off total strangers and attributing "meanness" to them when you don't know them at all. That does not mean you "give a shit about people" it means you are triggered emotionally by the OPs situation and refuse to see the logic in what I have said.

And - at least in reference to my comment - it doesn't actually matter how you feel as my advice was correct.

So, again, here is the correct way to look at the situation.

Looking at it in the kindest possible light to the OP, she was unfairly dumped by some people who were mean to her.

And here she is 15 years later refusing to let that go. That's massively unhealthy, you cannot make people feel what you want them to feel. They do not care.

It does not matter if YOU think people should care. They will not start caring because you are triggered by the situation.

So here is some good advice to OP which will help her instead of making her situation even worse.

OP should get counselling to talk about how to move on from situations that she ruminates about - not make a fool of herself confronting people who clearly give absolutely no shits and will not start giving any shits and yes will very likely gossip and laugh at her, fairly or unfairly.

Confronting people who want nothing to do with you never has the outcome people want.

I give a shit about people. I would be really upset if I thought I upset someone and if they were still upset 15 years on. I'd be mortified.
I guess we're all different.....and thank God we are as I couldn't be so fucking mean.

If they laugh then that would prove they're a nasty set of cows
It doesn't necessariloy matter how many years it's mean if someone's been mean....people don't forget....but, yes, op needs to realise they're not worth her energy or headspace.

Honestly once you accept that a lot of people are fucking weirdos you’ll be better off for it. Also something about school brings out the absolute worst in some adults. I make DH do all the dealings with the school - WhatsApp, all the online shit, pretty much all I do is parents evening and pick them up.

😴😴😴

Thats teachers for you. Move on,you don't need fickle "friends"like these.

15 years is a long time but what the heck, if you ever cross paths with one of them, ask them straight. Thats what I'd do anyway.

We all cut off a girl in 6th form when she was horrible to two other girls (there were only 11 of us in 6th form). It wasnt my decision to ostracise her, but I agreed with it.

Roll on several decades and none of us have ever spoken to her. We're now getting together as old school friends and she is friendly with two of the wider group (not everyone stayed on into 6th form). My bf from 6th form was one of the victims, she said she felt uncomfie but we're all adults so let her come. We did it has been fine every time.

Sometimes you just need to decide to grow up and let bygones be bygones. These people havent.

As horrible as it has been for you, you need to let it go. Forgive them for being sheep and move on. Friendships don't always last forever.

But why bother? They sound like awful people.