To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

Worry less about what was said or what caused the rift and focus on they can't have been that great a friend if they didn't automatically go
this isn't what I would expect from X, I should check they are ok and hear the story from their side

Their snub says a lot more about them than it does you.

This was my train of thought too🤔

😂you are so right

Were some of the children you deemed receiving “favourable” treatment/more opportunities over your own daughter the children of some of these parents? Were they bought up in your complaint to the school? I don’t mean by individual child names but just as part of the group you thought was receiving favourable treatment?

It's the only thing you can think of. Without hearing from anyone else it's impossible to know what happened. Horrible for you.

just ask her! it’s not going to seem like a big deal to her since it was 15 years ago.

It still seems weird of them to have ditched you over this.

If i were you id be worried that it was something totally different that you had no idea about. maybe they had an issue with your husband, for example.

How on earth have you let this fester for 15 years without asking anyone why you've been cut out of the group?! Especially as you're still friends with one of them?! How has this never come up in conversation between the two of you? And is the one your friends with the partner of your husband's best man? If not, I agree it's very weird that your husband's best man would suddenly stop talking to him with zero explanation.

There is nowt stranger than folk OP.

We moved to a posh market town twenty odd years ago and when we lost a lot of money in the 2008 crash many friends went with it.
I found out three years ago we were the subject of malicious gossip regarding our financial position. Apparently we were involved in prostitution and drugs back in the day (were too old now).
We were denied house viewings of properties for sale and rentals. We finally traced it back to an old landlord and a friend of a friend. If I had the money I'd sue for defamation. That's very expensive so I haven't but it still upsets me.
My children were also shunned.

I now look back @pricecap I realise these people were middle class sheep.
Everything was about what you had and did. Like your situation we had a Queen Bee and she controlled everyone's playdates and invitations.

7 years on we moved away and I'm much happier. My DC are grown up and have their own choice of friends.
I shall be selling company shares next year and I can't wait to see their faces when they try to work out our new found success.
I look forward to eating my dish served cold.

I live in a village and sadly this shit happens all the time. You see fresh faced newbies joining the whatsapp group and saying how amazing everyone is and you know within a couple of years there'll be affairs, arguments over hedges, stalking and disputes relating to some committee or other. There will be lots of hurt feelings, people will ignore other people, people will move away, new people will arrive and the cycle will repeat. I hope you have found other friends op. This lot sound like nightmares. You're better off without them.

The way you are describing these people is very childish. Calling someone a queen bee or whatever. Maybe your friends just like her or the one they fawned over? I couldn't even remember something as petty as this 15 years later. Kindly, you need to move on and stop thinking about this.

I think it was a long time ago and you don't know with any certainty that your theory about the teacher is true. Because it is just a theory.

It's also perfectly possible that there's a totally different explanation that you're not aware of.

Either way, I would really try not to waste any more energy on it. It's water under the bridge now and there's nothing to be gained from it tbh.

I’d have to call them out if they blanked me. But I wouldn’t have waited this long @pricecap I’d want to set the record straight if they were saying stuff that wasn’t true …

I consider myself being a loyal and good friend but I wouldn't be OK with hiding dead bodies. Am I still a good friend?

Honestly it doesn’t sound like they were actually your good friends if they’d stop talking to you without even discussing the issue. My husbands best man would hide a body for him he certainly wouldn’t ditch him over some teacher.

You can't tell her that with certainty. She knows far more than you. You're just guessing.

Mean post btw.

People like that just aren't worth it.
It's been 15 years, let it go

This. Ostracising you over a complaint seems very bizarre. Nobody would even care about that at all. The teacher herself might not even know if it was nothing to do with her. Are you sure it’s not for another reason you may be unaware of? And I mean this gently, (not saying this is the case) but it’s not for behavioural/challenging issues related to your DD is it that the other parents have become aware of through their children? It’s not a case of them supporting/backing the school to do with sanctions or behaviour is it? If not, I can’t genuinely think of anything else! I’m stumped! I’m so sorry, that must be very hurtful. Could you pull aside the member of the group you are closest to an perhaps have a chat?

No one on here will be able to fill in any gaps for you here, unfortunately. But my view is it must have been more nuanced than several couples freezing you out because you made a complaint to your daughter’s primary school that concerned none of them.

In any case, I think the only thing you can do at this stage is move on. I appreciate it may sting from time to time.

Your daughter must be grown up now. Id let it go. They were never true friends to begin with.
If you still cant get over it then move away from them.

It was 15 years ago and as you have described one as a Queen Bee and one so far up her own backside, she could lick her teeth, you were never exactly sold on them it seems. Perhaps they realised, and sensed the stabbiness over having more money than you.

They are caravanners, you are not. It's a shame they blank you and quite ill mannered, but seriously, when you see them do you smile and ask how they are, or are yiu blanking too?

However, what yiu describe is why we never became overly friendly with school gate brigade.

15 years is a long time.

Let it go now.

Hold your head up high next time you bump into one of the group.

I assume you've made new friends in the meantime so just concentrate on them.
X

Without knowing the context it's hard to comment on the fall out.

I will say that being cut out by an entire group is humiliating, hurtful and often traumatic. To lose the support and company of people you thought you could count on is actually devastating. It's not surprising that it resurfaces now and then, 15 years later.

You will have moved on of course...but I understand why it still bothers you.
Very harsh treatment whatever happened. Xx

It’s all very odd, I would be surprised if multiple people stopped being friends with both you and your husband due to a complaint you made to the school. I imagine there was more going on behind the scene, even your tone now is quite snarky referencing the “queen bee” which is always meant as a misogynistic insult, when she doesn’t even have anything to do with anything based on your own post??

Have you spoken to any of them since? Maybe you should - find out what their take on it is, 15 years later.