To still be hurt and angry that I was ‘Wendied’ 15 years ago

You have to ask your friend and keep us posted OP! I would definitely want to know. Maybe it’s to do with your husband, or maybe it is just the school incident. The only thing I think it could possibly be is a) they’re shitty friends or b) your husband made the women uncomfortable.

Speculating will only get you so far. Don’t worry about it being awkward to ask, it’s far more awkward to pretend it didn’t happen imo.

Also, as tough as it may be, it’s good to keep in mind, friends for a season, friends for a reason. I also think wouldn’t want to be friends with sheeple,

I like my friends to be principled and make up their own mind about things - even if we are in disagreement about our views and values.

Haha yes I missed that bit! I skim read and thought it happened more recently!

Crikey! So the brave outlier outed the close friend right in front of you both at dinner? I'd love to know how that played out.

Fancy giving us any more details?

So you and these original couples were really enmeshed in each other’s lives and on the say so of someone they’d known five minutes, they dropped you and your DH?

I’d say the teacher and the Queen Bee type did you a favour. Who needs friends that are so fickle and so ready to believe bad things about you?

Who was that to?

So fucking yuck. I don’t touch friendships where they all copy each other and this herd
like behaviour is a sign of low IQ/pathetic group think.

You are well shot of these cowards who were only ever shallow friends.

I think the phrase Queen Bee is mostly used by women. I think we are capable of coming up with our own expressions. And it specifically applies to the woman who weilds the most power in a group of women.

If men didn't exist women would still fall out with each other. I can't see where misogyny comes into it.

(I daresay someone will tell me I have "internalised misogyny" - it's so predictable)

I would also say, OP, these people dont need a reason to hate/ ignore someone, this is similar to bullying - something insignificant that happened, some minor personality trait is enough for them to turn you into a person to bully. They might not even remember themselves why they done it.

Laugh at them/ ignore.

Seriously, I think it is long past the time you should have got over this.

Also, given your unpleasant comments about a couple of these people I wonder just how blameless you are.

Blimey, reckon you're better off without them! I'm
sorry you went through that, though. I hope you moved on and got better friends.

You did nothing wrong, don't worry about it. Stop giving it thought. If there is someone or people who you cared about then reach out.

I had this once. Someone said I stole a hairspray from her house when I was 12. It was her big sister. I'm 35 now and she still tells anyone we know the same story. One hairspray. I've never ever used hairspray! Our older sisters used it constantly and it has never not made me choke. They used to spray it in our rooms on sleepovers and run away. But somehow this one thing has followed me through senior school, school runs, even a couple jobs and most fun - a next door neighbor.

I've spoken to her about it a few times, we live in a small town. It's bonkers.

relationships like this fall into 4 groups:

A) they don't like you, you don't like them either;
B) you like them, but they don't like you back;
C) they seem to like you, but you don't like them much;
D) you like them and they like you.

D is where you should spend 80% of your time and effort.

B and C, it's ok to give 5% each. Push a little with B, allow C to push a little against you. Maybe there's a slim chance of re-evaluation.

A needs 10% of your time and defensive effort, to stop them damaging you in some way.

I suppose everything else I'm your life must be going well if you are worried about this nonsense from a decade and a half ago

Sounds like weird power-play and petty politics by people who are bored and have nothing better to do with themselves.

Village life, eh.

Keep your distance. They'll have ostracised others, even if you aren't aware who exactly. People like this don't change.

You’re well shot of them. This kind of ridiculous keeping-uppery is nauseating. I couldn’t have stayed friends with them anyway once they started behaving this way. I would have eye-rolled hard enough to strain my forehead muscles. 😄

Now would you have been happy to be part if a group like that?
To buy the caravan too? To go where the ‘leader’ thought was nice?

I don’t know what happened with the school but I suspect your biggest ‘mistake’ was to be outspoken. Which means you wouldn’t have gone down the route the rest kf the group took - following blindly whatever one of them said/did.

I suspect if it hadn’t been the school issue something else would have happened,
Just enjoy your life @pricecap . At least it’s all yours.

We live in a large village and experienced similar. Discovered what had happened when a brave outlier invited me to dinner with closest friend. After a couple of drinks it turned out ‘closest friend’ was the biggest two-faced b**ch, and fantasist, you could meet. I’d totally missed it.
It’s amazing how some people can teach middle age and still be so immature. Glad to be rid of them.

Pull them aside and have a chat about it 15 years later? They’d think she was absolutely mental

It doesn’t seem healthy to be still carrying all this after 15 yrs.

I’d get that this would be upsetting if it had just happened, or even if it happened a year ago, but this happened 15 years ago!! You really need to move on. Life is way, way too short to be this hung up on this after 15 years. You’ll likely never get the answers you’re looking for (it likely was the school complaint). Focus on the people in your life who appreciate you, forget about these people who weren’t worth your time anyway, and move forward. People have gone through divorces, deaths of loved ones, and complete mental health breakdowns and got over them in far less than 15 years!

OMG this is why I'm so glad to be living in London. Having lived in a small middle class village (where everyone literally is in everyone's pocket and its considered normal to spend hours discussing other people's affairs and business) and then small town (a bit better but still hellish, gossip galore) I find the anonymity of London absolutely heavenly. There was some cliquie bullshit at my son's primary school but thankfully I could just ignore it all as it was, socially, a drop in the sea for me.

I literally would shout to the person ignoring me - HI, HOW ARE YOU, REMEMBER ME??? to make them mega embarrassed and to give these idiots something to talk about.

It’s such a shock when a group of people behave in a sheep like manner, I’ve seen it in action too.
I wonder if your daughter and the rest of the small group were heading for private school from a state school or vice versa? Quite enough to set others off I should imagine.

I find this quite alien to my way of thinking but I know lots of people think this way. I feel depressed if I’m expected to be friends with insincere people. I’d be relieved to be ignored by them and just focus on nice people. I don’t like being left out but I really detest social insincerity and boring school cliques. Just interesting to read other experiences. Hope you get to the bottom of it though!

I live in a quite well to do small market town and can understand this. Everyone knows everyone or has some connection, so things and people can be inescapable. It's not as easy as just move on.

However, I think all you can do is focus on other friendships and areas of your life. If this is how they behave, they unfortunately weren't true friends to begin with. It won't just be you, there'll be some of fallings out and gossiping going on now. Unhealthy dynamics.

This, and what was the favourable actions? Why would the ht care?!