AIBU to still accompany my three-year-old to the upstairs toilet?

My 2 year old twins go to the loo independently (well, sometimes together). If they/one of them has been a bit longer than usual then I will follow on after a while.

Building independence is important.

I'd accompany my 3.25 year old upstairs because she's a naughty little bugger and would get up to all sorts up there. It's hard enough getting her to use the downstairs toilet without mucking around. But if she was sensible I'd be starting to let her, or waiting on the stairs or something.

What's the point of removing screen time on a Monday for example, when she can't have screen time until the weekend anyway? You need an immediate consequence, so it be removal of whatever toy she was playing with before hand for example. My kids responded well to having to clean up and removal of kindle etc that they only made the mess once or twice. It doesn't sound like whatever consequences you are giving her is having an impact if only supervision stops it happening.

The logic of letting her do it on her own downstairs but not upstairs is strange - as she would surely be messy in either?

I would go with my son at that age though. I also did in public toilets for a lot longer because I had a fear of him touching the toilet seats etc and not washing his hands thoroughly.

At home he went on his own much younger but he was so messy - not with soap. I’m thinking he went in and helicoptered pee-ing as he seemed to have terrible aim. Either that or he had a few beers beforehand each time?! Anyway I let him go but then went and checked and cleaned after. Eventually I would check, but make him come back in and clean up himself so he understood he had to be better aimed and mindful. He’s now very good and cleans anything that’s needed. We never had issues with wiping, he was always very good with that… “wipe until it’s white”. Got through a lot of toilet roll to start mind.

I do not miss the days of toilet training.

Mine smeared a whole tub of sudocrem all over herself, and left white footprints around all the upstairs carpets last week. Took AGES to clean it up 😭 She has at least got out of the habit of unravelling every single toilet roll though, so we’re getting there 😂

My DD is 3.5 and she's just started going upstairs to the toilet by herself, but still calls me to help if it is not just a wee, and sometimes she will ask me to go with her.
I don't think you're being OTT, @Lyra87 . They're only this little for a short while and if it makes you both feel better to go as a team, it isn't doing any harm.

She sounds like a delightful little monkey!

Personally I would start giving her the opportunity to be "good". Tell her that she's now such a big girl that you trust her to go to the toilet by herself. Keep an ear out and if she's up there any longer than you would expect for a toilet visit then go up and intervene. Lots of praise for being so grown up that she can be trusted to go the toilet by herself (when she doesn't make a mess) and intervene before she's made too much of a mess so you don't need to give her a massive telling off.

Yep, two of mine were the same! Any opportunity to get up to shit they shouldn’t be doing and they would be right in there.

I always took them up to the bathroom as well.

I often have to accompany my 10 year old to the toilet because she "saw a ghost" in there. So do what you have to do!

Based on your update YANBU OP as your DC has previous on getting up to mischief! Mine are slightly older but occasionally I have to go and investigate if one of them takes a suspiciously long time to reappear after a toilet trip.

No I wouldn’t. Independence is good for them. If she needs help wiping she can call you but I’d insist she tried herself first. And if she made huge mess mucking about then she’d be marched back to clean it up, and would hopefully think twice about doing it again!

And what would be the punishment of she did that? I'm assuming not a very strong punishment of she still does it if she isn't supervised...

My girl just turned 4 and I still go up with her (also the only toilet). In our case, it's mainly because of the stairs - she has a gross motor delay and didnt walk until nearly 2 so she's definitely not as steady as other 4 year year olds. If our stairs was carpeted I think I'd start letting her go alone now, but the slippy wood bothers me..! She's able to use the toilet itself alone apart from wiping help.

I also have a 2 year old, so often bathroom breaks are a family event as she won't be left downstairs alone 🤣 we're hopefully moving soon and a downstairs bathroom is high on my list!!!

She sounds exactly like my 3.5 year old! Thankfully she is getting “better behaved” with every week that passes, just a natural consequence of getting older I think, but she still has semi-frequent lapses into total mischief and chaos.
I do let her go upstairs on her own and just keep an ear out for mischief (suspicious noises AND suspicious silences!), and I go in to check if she’s been in the bathroom a while. I can’t imagine never letting her go upstairs alone though, I’d never get anything done, I’d spend my entire day chasing her around! My eldest was the same though and she’s now a very sensible 6 year old (for the most part), just to give you something to look forward to 😊

I’d definitely be accompanying as have terrifyingly steep stairs - not sure I’ll ever be ready to let mine do them alone! Also has to climb up to the sink and has fallen before.

Surely they go to the toilet alone at Nursery so will be more than capable of using their own home toilet. DS9 would go to upstairs loo alone from 2yrs (28months) and shout down if he needed help.

I would start to trust her but I would keep an eye on time and go up to check your home 🙈🤣. All mine were going up on their own from a young age. My youngest now is 2 and he goes up on his own. I looked after my friends kid last week same age and she never goes on her own and it was an alien concept for me having to take her up and wait 🤣

Reading your post where you mention she’s messy , I’d go up there too 😆.
Even if you follow after 2 minutes or so .
i found my youngest ( I have 3 ) pouring perfume down the toilet and another time she was squeezing a tube of toothpaste down the sink 😳 she was about 3 at the time