She took me to her abortion and is pregnant again couple weeks later

See I once would have said step back but I watched a docu yesterday where someone did just that - and it didn’t end well for the victim. The friend had so much guilt because she had closed the door and the victim bottled everything up with no one to turn to.

im not so sure you should just walk away. The experience for you was awful, understandable

OP I would make it clear that you're not supportive of the whole situation. If she hates you for it, so be it, but it might make her re-think the whole sorry situation.

OP said the abortion was 5 weeks ago

It's impossible to be pregnant and know it 2 weeks after an abortion or a miscarriage. She might still have the pregnancy hormone in her system and pregnancy tests are picking them up

Can you ask her if she had a negative test after the abortion? If not there’s a real change that her hormones just haven’t settled down yet as it often takes a while so it could be worth establishing if she’s even pregnant.

How was I meant to know when my period was due if I’d just had a miscarriage?

And I felt sick and wanted to know what was going on?

The instructions on pregnancy tests say they can be used 6 days before your period if due.

That must be years ago, because they do now.

@Peaceofmind12you need to take a step back. I had a friend who overly involved me in a DV situation and it was horrendous. I was getting calls late at night with her telling me he had threatened to kill her. We stopped speaking after 2.5 years of it as I couldn’t take it, she stayed with him for another 6.5 years. Attending her abortion (only for her to go back to him), getting calls from him… it’s just too much. You aren’t a domestic abuse trained professional, that’s what this situation calls for.

At the very least, I think you have to take a step back and put down a boundary. You can say it is too difficult seeing and hearing about someone you care about being mistreated. You can say you want to be friends but you can’t hear about his behaviour, you think she needs to speak to a professional about that as you aren’t qualified to advise on it or to emotionally handle that type of conversation

Warning I did try that with my friend. She said in a domestic abusive situation I should just be there to listen to her, that I was wrong 🤦🏻‍♀️. Honestly it came to a point where I felt like I was enabling it, because she would let it all out with me and then just be able to continue dating him. I clearly wasn’t enabling it though as it continued a long time after we stopped speaking

The relationship is abusive, is the sex even consensual? Keeping a woman pregnant and dependent is a know tactic of abusers.

Lots of abused women go back to partners repeatedly, I think I read somewhere that it takes three attempts on average before someone finally leaves.

I can understand your frustration but I think you should protect yourself first, then offer what support you can, and be there for her if and when she finally leaves this awful man.

It’s really common for women who didn’t really want an abortion to immediately start trying to get pregnant again. A midwife told me this, once. She probably wanted the baby but not the circumstances.

people are not made of stone. Terminating a pregnancy that you wanted has consequences. One of those being that a person traumatised by it will try to offset the trauma with another pregnancy.

As another person said my 2 medically managed miscarriages (baby had passed and my body refused to accept it) my husband was there in the hospital and I had the medication as an inpatient so was there most of the day. He used hospital WiFi and WFH and stayed the entire time. Everyone I saw that day had a support person.

She sounds unhinged. I dont think i could be involved with someone who invites this much drama and chaos to their life

This exact situation happened to me with a friend in the 90s, down to me going with her to the abortion and finding it difficult. I ended up walking away from the friendship. We were in our mid-20s and it was all too heavy for me.

I’m sorry I would distance myself from her and the train wreck of a situation. I might tell her why and why this is a terrible choice before that, but I wouldn’t sign up for a constant savior role.
Poor child.

OP she probably doesn’t have much choice about whether or not she has sex with the dick head she’s with.

Does she acknowledge he’s abusive or does she think she can play happy families? That would be the dealbreaker for me. If she was sad and scared about the relationship but happy about the pregnancy I would probably stick around to support her if she had the longer term goal of leaving him.

I would find it much harder to stick around if she didn’t see that anything was wrong with the relationship.

I had medication I had to start asap to reduce ethe risk of a loss after recurrent losses, I'm not the original person but with both my successful pregnancies I had positive tests 8/9 days after ovulation which I also had to track. Of my 8 pregnancies only those 2 progressed beyond 9 weeks because I was medicated so early.

I have had 2 medically managed missed miscarriages and I had someone with me both times.

Ive also got pregnant straight after one of those miscarriages.

Friends you choose to have, family you don’t. I can’t see why you’d choose to have this friend in your life.

How far along was she?

I tested positive for 8 weeks after mine and I wasn’t far along. I rang the hospital and they said it was absolutely normal and to ignore any advice about it being negative after two weeks that you read online. I had to be admitted to hospital for mine due to medical issues and they kept me in until they believed the abortion was complete (so I was there for about 8 hours) so the positive wasn’t due to retained tissue or anything.

Well that’s her problem

not your circus and not your monkeys

let her go she sounds a waste of space

Where is the father of the first child? Is he an involved parent?