Depressed - husband doesn’t want another baby

I felt like this after DS2, I would’ve loved a bigger family but DH was adamant we were only having 2. It logically made sense, we couldn’t really afford a third but it still broke my heart. I focused on the positives, we have enough time, money and energy to make sure our boys have everything they could want and still have time for our own hobbies, which we just couldn’t with a third. You also don’t know what your third child is going to be like, and we were lucky with our boys as they have always been really easy and a third could’ve tipped that over the edge. Just focus on your children you have now, enjoy the extra time and money you wouldn’t have if you had a third.

Sorry forgot to quote the op.She said this

What I meant was that a lot of things have happened over the last few years and it just feels like however hard I try for something to go right, it just doesn’t quite seem to go my way.

Having a baby won't necessarily make things go her way okay, right?If anything, it will just complicate things even more.

Quite. One thing I noted was this

A baby will introduce much more uncertainty into the dynamic and much more difficulty. There is no guarantee the third child won't have health problems seeing as the first two have done so. Having another baby just to have something go right is so risky. There are no guarantees.

Right now, life is stable, whatever they've been through.They're doing well in their jobs.Their children are now ok with the health problems.And one needs checking once a year. Once a year does not suggest a very severe health condition if that's all it needs checking.

They are paying school fees and presumably have a good standard of living.Having a third child with serious health problems.Could mean, one of them had to stop working, they would be more financially, stretched with a third set of school fees.Even if their child was healthy, they'd need a bigger car, potentially a bigger house.

Having a baby just to have something go right is completely illogical. If anything a new babies throws a bomb into the household and shakes everything up rather than makes it go smoother

A word of warning - a friend’s marriage broke down primarily because of this issue - five years later she’s single and no nearer the third and fourth children.

Why on earth would you force someone into having a baby?

Because if he really doesn't want the responsibility of another child then no means no. It's non negotiable. End of.

When I compare (I know you shouldn’t!) to my friends who’ve had kids they’ve not been through anything like this with theirs and it’s hard not to feel sorry for yourself when you feel like you don’t catch a break

I think you've already caught a break. You have two children and the potential to have a lovely happy life with them. Millions of women never get that break, as much as they desire it, and work for it.

Having a child with learning disabilities, non verbal, doubly incontinent and epileptic who goes to a special school alongside hundreds of other similar children, I see their parents - who didn't get the break that you have.

and yes it would be unbelievably selfish to break up a family over this - you have two children with a dad! you can't leave their dad to have a kid with a different dad for no other reason than wanting a third!

YOu are allowing this to poison the actual family life you do have - you need to find a way out of this.

Are people honestly this selfish and short sighted in real life? Say for arguments sake you had two or three kids and your husband for whatever reason decided he didn't want any more. Would you have honestly have left your husband and have your children live between two houses for your own selfish reasons?

And what if you didn't find anyone else to have the desired amount of children you wanted, what would you have achieved? Your children living with you half the time, between two houses, their lives potentially disrupted, all because you thought you were owed a certain number of children?

Well she could but it’s not ideal is it, to be coerced into having a child. Surely children deserve to be very much wanted

Be grateful for what you have. Your boys each have a sibling..
Op probably just wants a girl...it's always the way with these threads

Op what’s your contraception situation at the moment?

Why aren't you allowed to try and change his mind?

I have no advise but I could have literally written your post word for word ❤️

now my youngest is nearly 4 it’s like the baby years are officially over and I’m not ready at all

OP, I haven't RTFT so apologies if this has already been mentioned, but it sounds as though your youngest will be starting school soon. Is this one of the reasons you now want another baby?

Get a puppy, that’s what I plan to do as I know once my youngest is abit older I’ll get that feeling again.

Unfortunatley there is nothing you can do i was the same after we had our two my husband was adament no more and it took a good couple of years for the broodiness to wear off ( and thats with having a hetic life with both kids being in nursery us both working 40hr week) ours are 15mth apart and i never felt over it. It wasnt until they were both in primary that i realised i wasnt getting as broody probably because we had more of a relaxed life in routines and i cant say when it was i felt that either.
And in my head his logical arguments as to why to stop at 2 always made sense just never knocked out my broody gene, his other point was he couldnt do another pregnancy as our 2nd he worried daily about the birth as with our 1st he nearly lost both of us on the day she was born and it caused him to worry all through the 2nd pregnancy. Me 2hr after having her the midwife asked if i was ok and i said yep do it all again tomorrow. Pregnancy for me was a breeze though aswell for both kids and i loved being pregnant as much as i love being a mum ( though be warned teenage years are no joke !)
Staying with 2 has also meant every opportunity for them to do what interests them we could put money aside for, so they are leaning into their passions as much as their academics and im grateful we can give them that.

It will ease but you wont change his mind and if you do there is a risk he will resent you for it. You have 2 wonderful kids now try to learn to love what you have it will be hard especially if its something you really want but the desire will ease with time xx

Get over yourself, you already have two and its unfair to put pressure on your husband emotionally and your family financially.

I am a (very content) mum of only one.

Would you consider ending the relationship with your current husband in order to find a new partner who will give you your third child?

I know two women who actually left their husbands to have a 3rd child.

Oh how they regret leaving the middle class lifestyle for a child one of them never had and the other who has a very difficult childhood Vs half siblings who have a great life

because one requires his sperm in order to make it happen? and creating a life long obligation against another persons wishes is bigger than not doing so. if OP really REALLy wants she can end her marriage and do it with someone else.

I know you say you're "playing devil's advocate" but surely you can understand why the person who says no gets the final say?

This is a human life, not a decision about buying a new sofa.