To increase this clients charge ?

Come on, you are being wayyyyyyyy waayyyy to nice about this!
You won't have a friendship after this because of the way she has behaved.
If she thinks of you as family why is she trying to screw you over financially?
If you are in the will then tough, if she dies you decide if you want to inherit a dog.

Is she paying you for pet sitting? or is it just the occasional drink/gift? If not she's not behaving like a friend by taking advantage of you.

Some one asked up thread if I dont have many friends or have low self esteem . Maybe the latter, but I do have loads of great friends.
This is not typical to me and I didn't expect it and have found confusing.

Usually when you find yourself confused by how a situation has come about it’s because you’ve been groomed.

You are slowly waking up to this realisation.

I do not expect my friends to clean my house. I’m sure you don’t either. So why would being friends mean you should clean for below your going rate?

I’d say “look Mary, my standard rate is £20 per hour, because we are friends I’m generously offering you mates rates of £15 per hour. By giving you those 4 hours a week, I’m already losing the extra £20 I’d make if I gave those hours to a client that pays full fees, for the sake of our friendship. If you can’t afford to have me clean anymore even at £15 per hour, I completely understand we need to end the arrangement, and I’ll offer your slot to another client. Please let me know.” Obviously put in the real numbers.

BTW - does she pay you extra to look after the cat?

i agree with this, it is the sort of message I was thinking. I think you’d be better off cutting her off as she’ll be like this again next time you want to increase your prices.

And if you do keep cleaning for her charge your full current rate, she’s not your mate, SHE sounds transactional, and she doesn’t deserve a discount. I hope you’re not looking after the cat for free!

You're not family, and any decent family member would still pay the going rate.

All this texting from the comfort of her holiday! Such a bullshitter.

Honestly OP, she's just another user and you would be far better off cutting ties.

Keep those messages, screen shot them too, and if any of her friends ask what happened, hand the phone over.

If she makes any hint of speaking badly about you, say you will happily show her friends the messages.

She is 100% deliberately taking advantage of your kindness.

She sounds exhausting and self absorbed. I do not believe this woman is your friend.

Never mix business and pleasure!

Just tell her that as you are now friends, it is probably a good idea that you don’t clean for her. Also tell her that you also need to put a roof over your head and charge the going rate.

My cleaner is my friend and Auntie to my offspring. I pay her top end because I look after my friends, I respect their time and I respect her professional ability. Your friend doesn't appear to respect you. Sorry.

She is very naughty

she says you are friends and not transactional

why is that only true if it works in her advantage?

You could also say: ex are friends, we are not transactional, it is not about the money, she pays you above going rate but that is ok as she values your friendship so much…. but no, she only likes to put friendship above business if it is in her financial favour

this is not even a friendship it is manipulation

she is manipulating you with her tears (that she says she cried…yeah right) and the cat in the will (the cat who will likely die before either of you will)

you are being manipulated

sadly she is not a friend

That is low level DARVO - Deny Attack Reverse Victim and Offender where the Deny is silent by getting the (false) accusation in first.

Having a cleaner is a luxury she clearly can't afford. Your time is as valuable as hers

I'm glad you've got lots of good friends OP. What do they think about all this? It's been unanimous on here that your "frient" (I just made that up!) is a first class cheeky fucker.

I kind of can't leave the thread until you've confirmed that you have completely seen the light and are ready to dump this dreadful woman. I understand it's hard, but your self-respect is worth it.

Good luck 🤞🏻

Are her friends paying you the going rate?

Tbh putting a pet in a will is a bit odd. Usually either someone wants it or it goes into a shelter. If her child wants the cat surely they should take priority.

I'd never trust someone who randomly changes her will without discussion and then informs you of your obligations. Anyone who uses their will to guilt trip someone is not a good person.

What does she do for you as a friend? Does she ever listen or ask after you?

This is a very typical pattern of behaviour when what starts out as a favour, received with gratitude, becomes an obligation. It's happened to me (providing after school care) and many others. You owe this woman nothing! What benefit do you gain from being her friend? She says you expecting payment makes the friendship transactional, but that's ridiculous - it makes the friendship one sided, with you as subordinate. She's not doing you any favours is she? I would tell her that it's best she finds another cleaner, and your friendship becomes a more balanced one, based on mutual respect and enjoying each other's company.

Last year yy 19 year old daughter was asked to look after 2 school going children for the 6 week holidays 5 days a week. Aged 7-10.

The rate was only ok but it was convenient.
On the 4th day of the first week the mum added in two other children because her friend was stuck without checking with my daughter that it was ok.

On the friday she paid her.
She left and found there was nothing extra.
She text her directly and asked her why and was told that the children were playing together and there wasn't much more involved.
I was livid, how dare she treat my daughter like that.
My daughter was very pissed off and said nope, no longer interested.

My daughter text her back, that is not acceptable, find someone else.
She blew up her phone and eventually my daughter spoke to her.
She apologised and said she didn't want to lose her as the children had loved her.

My daughter said no thanks, you were very rude and disrespectful of me in doing this and I am no longer interested. She actually started to cry as she said she would be so stuck. My daughter told her you should have thought of that before you treated me like this.

As it happens that evening her pal said there might be a spot in a local busy pub restaurant and she got a trial on the Saturday which went well.
She is still working there and loves it, paid and treated well.

On the monday the woman called again saying she was so stuck and couldn't find anyone.
My daughter told her that I have already found another job so please do not contact me again.

She learned a lot from that experience.
Some people will try and rip you off, and you need to push back firmly to stand up for yourself.

@Boomboomi I would be slightly cheeky back and lay it on thick about how much you value your friendship and love her pet so you will continue to look after her pet but you will stop cleaning for her as you don’t want to mix business and friendship as it clearly upsets her so much.

Make it clear you are putting the friendship first as you both value it so much even though it will cause you financial hardship.

Be firm you need to earn money from the cleaning and she either pays the going rate or you find a client to replace her. If necessary lay it on thick that you can’t afford a holiday, meals out, nails done etc so need to earn more.

She can change her will if she wants or keep you in it. That’s an entirely separate issue to the cleaning. Say your hourly rate is usually 20 and you charge her ten and do two hours a week. Over a month you are gifting her 80 quid of free labour.
over a year you are gifting her £1000 of free labour.
do you gift your closest friends and family a thousand pounds a year?? I doubt it?
why are you doing this for her??
just stop the arrangement completely at this point.
the will can be dealt with separately. Decide if you want to still have that responsibility or not, if not explain to her. You can also refuse to have the pet if she dies and the executor will rehome it.

If you don't mind me asking I am interested to know what are the different costs that you are talking about? How much do you charge her now, how much is it going up to, and what do you charge others? That would help with deciding how unreasonable she is.

Does she pay you extra to look after the cat when she is away? How much do you do?

Regardless of all these questions it sounds like she is manipulating you - crying about the costs.

Never mix business with pleasure.
id let her go as a client.
she’s manipulating you

You keep saying she works really hard to treat herself to nice things, why?
Do you not work really hard also to deserve nice things? Why do you seem to value her time over your own?

She is not a friend. She has piled on the emotional blackmail. You know with her holidays, nails, eating out that she is not being left on the breadline if had to pay you more. Your service is a luxury an extra that she could cut entirely if she was about to loose her home. You are not forcing her to give you money each week as part of an essential bill that would come above rent.

If she pays the £5 extra now, she will be an arse about it and things could be very awkward, so you will be working for mates rates for nothing as you are still being seen as wrong. I would drop her, say you realise you can't blur professional services with friendship as you need to work to your full rates potential as you got to put your household income 1st. You say the £5 extra is still significantly less, so assume you have been giving her around £20 discount each week. Do you have to give all your friends £20 per week to keep on their right side? She's not a friend, she is a user