Can someone give me some examples of what struggling with executive functions looks like for an adult with adhd?

I like the spaghetti example. It’s not just tasks that are like that though, it’s thoughts. I am brilliant at seeing the overall picture and how aspects of work link together. I always thought I was good at multitasking too and very deadline orientated. I think these were working environments that challenged me and played to my strengths though - dopamine, hyper focus, able to run from one thing to another. When picking between two jobs I’d been offered, I picked the one which understood some people were morning people and some people weren’t - it wasn’t as highly paid, but was worth an absolute fortune to me. I’d freelanced at both so knew the cultures. I am abysmal with normal adult stuff - untidy but could blitz, post unopened, dry shopping unpacked, rewashing clothes as not taken out of machine etc. I am a bit lost now as long covid has taken my job and I’m in a fog of exhaustion. The health appointments - so many which seem unnecessary with no benefit and trying to track results of tests that get lost, and never ending school requests for little benefit and life admin when things go wrong and incessant chasing to move an inch up the hill, the no longer being able to exercise to let off steam.

I have figured out a really good system with my to do lists.

every day I write a list in my list note book. Every day I put 3 to/urgent priority, then 3 medium and then 3 long term. Every day I try to do one of each section. Then cross them off. The following day re write a new list carrying over what was left from the day before. It could be that a low or medium priority has moved up so I write it in BOLD and add new tasks then start again trying to do 3 things from the list. On a good day, I’ll do 4-5. On a bad day just 1-2. But by the end of the week I have (typically) managed to get them all done. Or if I haven’t, I delegate them to my DH/dd and say it’s just beyond me. Funny enough, my own dd has adopted a similar list style and we often swap out jobs that we can’t do for ourselves, and do each others.

is not fail proof but it definitely helps.

Certainly not remotely my normal

I am like this, but is this not all just normal in a busy life, in a busy home?

(Although one of my DC has recently been diagnosed with ADHD, so maybemy sense of normal is off...)

Would you avoid assessment for you child if multiple professionals had suggested?

Yeah and it is my choice.

I think sometimes there's a bit of a distinction and an overlap, possibly the issues i've suffered stem from a pretty deprived and abusive childhood.But who's to know. I think it's too easy to slap a neurodiverse label on it.Maybe I have these problems because of the way I was raised.

I think sometimes people are too quick to pathologise something that could be a very variant or personality traits because of the way somebody was brought up.

I have found the techniques i've learned with therapists.For dealing with my feelings, since my mother died and the other issues that have come out with things I struggle with.And i'm content with that.I don't think a diagnosis and medication of anything else would make much difference to me to be honest

For example, the rejection sensitivity dysphoria that I have - is that caused by a deprived childhood or due to a d h d?

Who's to know but it seems more likely due to the upringing.I had and the neglect. But What difference does it make? All that matters to me is that I have it and how to deal with it. And i've learned techniques from the counsellor to not react when you think somebody's rejecting you or putting you down, calm down, breathing exercises etc - what possible value add is there with a formal diagnosis of a d h d.

I'll give a recent example.

I opened the microwave a couple of days ago (against my better judgement as I've found some monstrosities in there before where he's forgotten food) to find that the entire bottom of it had rusted. Not particularly happy about this as I thought it might have been mentioned to me at some point before the entire floor of it peeled off, but OK, he didn't get round to it and forgot as soon as the door was closed.

When he gets home, I say 'I see we need a new microwave'. 'Yeah, I've been meaning to get around to that'. 'OK, no problem, but the ones I'm looking at might be a bit bigger. I couldn't find the tape measure to check'. He disappeared off upstairs, I hear rummaging but 'Nope, can't find it'. We've got at least five as I've had to buy a new one every time I've replaced something. But none of them ever seem to stay in the kitchen drawer.

I roll my eyes and squeeze between the vacuum cleaner and the clothes airer with t shirts dumped on top of one another instead of being hung on the bars and miraculously spot one of the tape measures behind the vegetable rack (where half the steam cleaner tools are kept for some reason instead of being on the steam cleaner, along with one of the vacuum cleaner tools. The vegetables are scattered between the fridge, the windowsill and on top of the toaster for some reason).

He offers to do the measuring. Fine. I search for something to write on and a pen 'oh, that pen won't work, it fell apart'. I chuck it in the bin and get one from my bag because that's the only place things don't disappear from.

I've got working pen and paper 'OK, width, depth, height?' Silence. He's got his earbuds in and is vacantly staring into space. I put the tape measure in his hands, wait for him to realise and say 'Can you measure the width, depth and height, please? Of the microwave we've got, because we already know that fits in the space and I can compare it to the measurements of a new one'

I get random numbers that don't sound right, that would make it a column. Can I have width, depth, height in that order - and then headspace please? Width. How wide is it? That way <gestures> OK, we can call it length. How long is it? 14 what? Centimetres, please. <deciding that's easier than asking for it in mm>

From one side to the other, I'll hold the end as it's dangling. Now depth. How far does it go back? Can you include the bit that sticks out at the back? Height from the counter. Hold the end to the counter and measure up. Now the gap between the top of the microwave and the cupboard door, please. Because we need to know a new microwave will fit underneath when it's opened. Thank you.

Great. I go back online, look at the measurements of the shortlisted ones and eliminate the one that is too big. I look at the controls, one is push button and go, the other involves using programming weights and power levels. I eliminate the one that doesn't have an open door, put food in, close door, push start. I order and pay for it.

The following day, the new microwave arrives. He opens the box, fortunately not by tearing it open as usual, in the hallway. 'Where are we putting this?'. Umm, where the old microwave is. I go into the kitchen and the old microwave is still on the counter with a load of stuff in front of and on top of it. I take the stuff off, pass him his plate of half eaten food from breakfast and tell him to scrape the food into the bin before putting it into the sink. He looks surprised (as he usually just stick it into cold water in the sink complete with all of the food, blocking the sink regularly) but tips the food and the fork into the bin. The plate gets left on the hob on top of a saucepan that still contains the rest of the food he cooked whilst he retrieves the fork from the bin and puts it on top of the rice cooker instead of in the dishwasher or sink. I say nothing but pick the fork up and put it on the plate to deal with it later.

I switch off the socket and unplug the microwave, looping the cord through the handle so it doesn't trail as it's being moved. As I'm pulling it out, the giant outside box appears on the counter as he doesn't realise that I'm going to need him to take the old microwave out of the way first. And the box is so huge we'd need steps to be able to get the new one out from up there. I tell him to put the new one in its box on the floor and take the old one and put it by the door as I've got to wipe the counter and move another power lead out of the way.

As I turn round, he's put the old microwave on top of the new box. Sigh. I did three things in one sentence. My fault. Can you take the old microwave and put it by the door, please? OK, now let's take the new one out. The packaging can't go there, that's where we want to put the microwave, can you put the packaging back in the box, please? Hang on, we need to take the wire off the power lead before it's pushed back, pull it forward a little bit. Can you lift it, it's wobbling because the power lead is caught underneath. Thanks. Hold on, don't push it yet. Hold on. Yeah, I still need to plug it in. Can you pull it back a little, I need to switch it on at the socket. Thank you, hang on, my hand's still there. Still needs to come out a bit. Because it needs some space for it to vent.

Oh, it doesn't need to go into the garden, I've already booked the collection from the council and it'll need to be left outside on the wall tomorrow morning. It needs to go into the box. The outer box that the new one came in. It'll take up less space if it goes into the box now. The outer box. Don't worry, I'll get it if it's only in the recycling bin...I had to go down the street a bit to get it as it blew away from being put on top of the blue bin, I guess?...The old microwave goes into to it and we put it out tomorrow. Can you go and get it back out of the garden, please? I said it doesn't need to go out there. We will have space because the microwave is going into the box. I will put it out on the wall in the morning. Well, you would have heard if you didn't have your earbuds in. Now, I'm setting the clock. What's the time? Don't you have your phone on you? Check the box. 20.05. Great. beep beep...beeep. All set.

Cup of tea? Kettle's on....Can you check the time - the thermostat's saying it's 21.25? Oh, no worries you didn't actually look properly, did you, beep beep...beeep. Microwave's set correctly now.

Tea. No milk? But you went to the shop on your way home to get bread, two tins of cat food and milk. I texted you as well, I didn't assume you'd heard me. Well, you got the cat food, that's the most important thing.

I make a black tea, pick up the used teabag with a spoon along with the five other spoons, a butter knife and a little mound of used teabags he's left on a dish in front of the kettle, take two steps to the bin, put the used teabags in there, put the spoons, knife, plate and fork into the dishwasher in the correct compartments and sit down, wondering why life is such a hard slog at times.

To me, the process of replacing a microwave is obvious. For him, it's so complex and (unnecessarily) difficult that it becomes an exercise in scaffolding and patience.

Perfectly intelligent, articulate, kind and caring man. But the spatial reasoning and executive function is somewhat limited.

We used to live in a rural village where the nearest supermarket is 30 min drive away. I remember one Xmas Eve DH driving to sainsburys to get ingredients for cauliflower cheese for Xmas day as it’s his favourite. He returned home with a cabbage instead of a cauliflower as he wasn’t paying attention. He was really pissed off with himself so got straight back in the car to sainsburys. Another hour and a bit goes by and he comes home. He bought nuts , some other festive bits that were on offer… but forgot to get the cauliflower. The only reason he was going there in the first place. So he drove back a third time.

In total the whole thing took about 4 hours to get a cauliflower. And that is an example of his executive functioning.

he’s extremely intelligent and can really hyper focus. Incredibly calm and controlled in an emergency (he’s an anaethetist so works in theatre, ITU, resus etc). I met him at work and my memories of him were being extremely diligent and always leaving work late - he compensates for his ADHD by repeatedly checking his work, repeatedly checking patient notes, repeatedly checking results etc.

If they do have adhd, they may not even have returned to read the responses after posting!

Shucks don't think the thread went the way OP might've liked. Hopefully they have learned a lot though. 👍🏼

It hasn’t hampered you professionally as far as you know but life isn’t all about work.

Anyway you have decided not to. But multiple professionals (so you’ve sought therapy and psychiatry?) and family / friends have suggested this - presumably with your best interests at heart, so might be worth a shot. But you sound adamant not to so 🤷‍♀️

Would you like to have children one day? Would you also avoid them having an assessment if school and other suggested they might have adhd?

Because i'm in a top profession and i've got this far.And it doesn't have a significant impact on my ability to function.

What possible difference would it make?

I don't want the medication offered for it because it causes sleep issues, etc

So many adults I know getting a diagnosis for autism.And a d h d and I think what's it going to change
A previous poster has described her son having difficulty staying on top of his chores and personal hygiene.I am not like that and never have been.

I find it very difficult to focus on things.But I managed to get through it or I wouldn't have made it as far in my career as I have done.

If I got a formal adhd diagnosis, I would just shrug, and carry on as normal.

Other things I do find difficult.I'm not sure if its neurodiversity or if it's a product of me also having come from a very abusive family background. I seek therapy for the things I find difficult.Why would I seek an adhd diagnosis, when it's not going to change anything.

I live alone and some friends and my partner have suggested I might be neurodiverse but ONLY when i disclosed certain things that would point to neurodiversity. It is not apparent in my general daily behaviour and I am not struggling to cope with life.

You sound exactly like me! The struggle is real.

But why wouldn’t you explore this if multiple professionals have suggested this multiple times. There is a benefit. For a start… you could start on medication.

Do you live with anyone or live alone @PleaseDontAsk ? Have friends / family ever suggested this to you or just professionals?

I'd suggest finding a reputable site and looking down the suggested list of potentail problems.

Lots here and in my family I'd consider normal and have statergies to cope with - but apparently it's not normal in general population was told that by assesor who ruled out ASD for DD1. ADHD does seem to be rife in our families and our kids once they move out from home support do seem to really struggle having mangaged while under our roof.

I forgot to hang the wet washing out for 2 days so I had to wash it all over again.

I forgot 3 days in a row to bring my office keys to work so had to wait outside for someone else to arrive.

I am in the middle of 6 different tasks at work and haven't finished any.

I didn't look up my passport number so I could countersign a friend's passport application. I just forgot about it. So many times she's getting really irritated with me. I'm avoiding her today.

I'm late for meetings, both work and personal, all the time. I try really hard to be on time buy I'm always late. Apart from the odd time I'm 45 minutes early because I've been trying so hard to be on time.

I'm regularly at work with wet hair because I underestimate how long it will take to have a shower, get dried, get dressed, dry my hair. Even though I do these things every day.

Luckily most people I spend time with and work with don't mind. If I worked in a different place arriving late with wet hair and no keys would be a real problem.

I didn't pay a parking ticket on time because the tought of finding the ticket, logging on to some online thing, finding my credit card, typing in the number, was just too hard.

Adult DS has recently been diagnosed, and the executive function issues that prompted him to get tested were things like major procrastination, lack of self-care, seeming inability to do cleaning and laundry, keeping on top of medications, making social arrangements, keeping on top of uni work. With a bit of probing, it turned out he could do very clearly defined tasks, like complicated maths problems, but struggled immensely with open ended tasks, like essays and artwork. So I think it hinged on making choices, and an underlying anxiety which got worse as time progressed.
He has recently been prescribed medication and it has made a huge difference.

Unless you are unable to read my previous post, then I believe that's what I said, why did you need clarification and to ask me again?

For all the difference, it would make a diagnosis. I don't want to wear that badge. I've been just fine in life. I'm in a top profession. I've done really well for myself not withstanding my problems with organisation of tasks.And prioritising among other things. Could you just be im scatty? I have an issue with the attempt to pathologise things that could just be a normal personality variant. I don't mean that about somebody who genuinely has difficulty functioning.But i'm not at that end of the spectrum.If I even have it.

What possible difference would it make to my life.

I put food on, forget about it and walk away... only remember when I smell burning.

Constantly lose my phone, keys, cup of coffee, water bottle.

I'm in financial shambles.

My house is an absolute state and I'm too paralyzed to do anything about it.

Executive functioning is more than just being about tasks, there are so many other things things the brain controls. I was diagnosed with ADHD several years ago in my 30s. I just thought (as did everyone else) that I was simply a useless, failure of a person who wasn't able to do things and behave the way people are expected to.
I have done so many stupid things over my life, sometimes the same stupid thing several times over, because I have very little impulse control - executive dysfunction.

I get incredibly emotional over silly things and make an absolute tit of myself or get overly dramatic about a small change to my plans because I struggle to regulate my emotions - executive dysfunction.

I have hardly any working memory. I'll have to stop in the middle of a sentence because I have no idea what the topic of conversation is anymore, I forget what I said we were having for dinner 4 minutes ago, and this can happen several times. But I can tell you all about the layout of a flat my family lived in when I was 2, a dream I had when I was 6, the full names and seating arrangements of all my colleagues from a job I haven't been in for 13 years- executive dysfunction.

I was unpacking after a holiday and DP came in and asked me to help him with something straight away. I couldn't do it. I cannot switch tasks without preparation - executive dysfunction.

I can see the kitchen needs cleaning. It is a mess. There are no clean plates. The time is 10:03. I cannot start at 10:03, I will start at 10:15. 10:15 then feels too soon. I will start at 10:30. I check the time, and it is 10:33. I can't start now, I'll have to wait until 10:45. At 10:45 I become paralysed and can't move. Maybe at 11:00. 11:00 - still can't move. Tell myself that 15 minute increments is ridiculous. 12:00 is a perfectly good time. 12:00 - nope.. 12:30 - I develop a burning desire to remove the radiator cover and clean down the back of it with my new crevice cleaners... 13:30 - no point doing it now, maybe I should have lunch. Can't have lunch as it means I'll have to tidy the kitchen first... And this will go on and on. Executive dysfunction.

I personally love the language around it because I hope it might show people that it is an actual neurological disorder. I'm not lazy, I'm not scatty, I'm not stupid, I'm not making excuses - my brain is just not wired the same way. Even medicated, my ADHD is still crippling, and it affects every single area of my life.

This post really resonated with me- especially the last bit about doing things haphazardly is better than paralysis....so true for me! I'm diagnosed Audhd and find trying to do tasks 'in order' almost impossible. I've found that doing the first thing I see leads to the next thing etc etc...there isn't a logical order NTs can follow and yes, sometimes I can look back and see the 'oops, I didn't finish that' tasks, but something is better than nothing!
One thing I have found incredibly useful is ensuring that for a regular task, like showering, everything thats needed is out and clearly there. In our bathroom we have a trolley that houses all our products, means that noone is having to look in cupboards for stuff....because if I can't see it, it simply doesnt exist! We are a 100% ND household and I know we have areas that work for us that would drive NTs insane....doom piles in every room but we know what's in them! My 15 year old is also Audhd so we basically lurch from one situation to the next frankly!
We play to our strengths....my DD leans more towards ASD so she is better at certain tasks whereas I'm probably more Adhd leaning so use those strengths. Yes, managing to create a routine is difficult and usually not successful on the first attempt but we've now got to the point where we have some structure (soothes our ASD part of our brains) and we try and stick to the pattern as much as possible, eg:
Shower everyday- everything in trolley
Dusting on Tuesday- use cleaning stuff in basket in kitchen
Food shop on Wed - use list for what we need. Same items purchase every week, obviously 😄
Monthly trip to Home Bargains to stock up on deodorant, shampoo etc etc
Washing every other day Mon, Wed, Fri - use washing tablets etc from basket on kitchen side
It works, on the whole but obviously we have days that simply dont! Holiday's are hard for us as the routine is disrupted and then we are great at self sabotaging and getting engrossed in our latest hyperfocus.
I'm nearly 49 and was a late diagnosis but I'm finally feeling like I might have this adulting thing down....spent my 20s and most of my 30s absolutely free-wheeling it which involved numerous disasters and I'm trying incredibly hard to support my DD so she doesn't have to go through the same x

This is me!
Endless "To Do Lists". I wake up every morning promising myself that today will be the day that I get the stuff done and exactly the same thing happens. Nothing gets completed and I have somehow added extra to the list 😤

I'm the same in work (own business), I know I have a shit load to get done, I know that deadlines are approaching and I will still get distracted by something that isn't urgent. Then I don't sleep because I'm in a panic that the deadline is almost here, promise myself that I will get it done 1st thing tomorrow, and then repeat daily until a day or 2 before the deadline. Then something clicks in my head and I blast absolutely everything. 2 weeks work done in 2 days! I then say to myself "that was a close call, I'm not putting myself through that stress again" only for the entire cycle to start again. 🤣

I honestly don't know how my DP puts up with me as we work together too so he has no escape.

I have ADHD (combined type - diagnosed at 54 because the menopause was brutal to my coping mechanisms).

My executive functioning issues seem to be a 'starting a task' issue. I also get very distracted by side-quests when I am doing anything.

I'm sitting here waiting to see if my references for a new job come through - I should have started today as it's in a college setting and the school had gone back. I'm showered dressed, shoes polished etc and will go in this afternoon if the paperwork is done. I have a load of things I could be doing now to set up my day/week/month. Housework, packing things to post, restocking for my small business, a bit of tidying up in the garden. I want to do them all. I dream of doing them all and the sense of accomplishment I'd get from doing even one task. Instead I've been sitting here for 2 hours refreshing my emails, browsing mumsnet and playing a game on my phone.

I'm in 'wait mode'. I get nothing done in wait mode. I get nothing done a lot. Then I go into panic mode because a task becomes so urgent that I have to move NOW.

I'm already having a go at myself for the wasted time. And I'm not being lazy, lazy would be fun, lazy would be relaxing. This is stressful and the stress makes it even harder to move. It's exhausting.

Constantly losing / forgetting / breaking things - mugs and plates are always chipped

No visceral sense of the passing of time at all

No intuitive understanding of what needs to be done first to make it possible to do the next thing

Waking up with no idea what day it is or what your plans are - like you’re born all over again and need to learn / invent your entire routine from scratch every day

Overwhelmed by paperwork / filling in forms

Unable to do things step-by-step (like follow a recipe) because all the information comes at you at once and won’t stay put in your mind - it’s like words and numbers are just being hurled at a wall and sliding off into a meaningless pile on the floor

I thought this was all normal until I noticed that a lot of people seemed to just know when the next half term was, or when the car was due for its MOT, or what time the dog’s vet appointment was next Thursday. People knew how much they had in their bank account at any given time, they knew when the deadlines were to apply for school places and file tax returns, they booked holidays well in advance and used air miles, and shopped around for the best deals on insurance and utilities, and generally returned library books on time, and their cars weren’t full of empty crisp packets and sweet wrappers and water bottles and crumbs and papers and sticks and crap.

And these other people were just normal people with normal lives - they weren’t geniuses or control freaks.

There are two times - now and not now
If things need to be done now - have to do them no matter what else i was doing first. if it's not now then unless i have been reminded or added to a calendar they will be forgotten

it's having alarms for everything - stop working, get kids breakfast, stop eating to start getting ready to go

it's being half an hour early otherwise i would be half an hour late

it's forgetting stuff for school unless i added it to the calendar