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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be worried about my five year old on a day trip without me?

109 replies

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 06:02

Next week, ds was going to spend a few hours at a friends house because I’m at work. DH can WFH that day so in my mind, DS would spend a couple of hours playing with his friend in the morning, home maybe for or just after lunch, and then DH could put a film on or he would play himself here and then I’d probably be home around 330.

However, my friend has told me she plans on taking the boys on a day out which is a really lovely thought and I understand why. My worry is that it’s a good hour away and if ds is upset or missing us then there’s not anything we can really do. The other worry is that DS’s behaviour has been a bit tricky these past few weeks. He’s had a spate of ear infections and has barely got over one before the next and he is actually having grommets fitted in early October so hopefully not long to go. I am mindful though that he has been very argumentative and peevish lately and in all honesty his friend has a similar temperament and on occasion they can bring out the absolute worst in one another and I don’t want to inflict that on my friend!

So - AIBU? DH can take the day off so no issue there.

OP posts:
IcyRubySloth · 01/09/2026 06:35

I have a 7yo and a 5yo and have regularly taken my best friend's children of the same age out on day trips since they were much younger, and vice versa. Not every day has been perfect and I've experienced behaviours from all of them at different points but it is a day, I am a capable guardian and we have had no major issues over the years. My and her DS have a tendency to wind each other up at times and can bring out the worst in each other however as others have said, children are generally better for other adults so he will listen to me - I also find they are better when we are out rather than playing at home as it eliminates any sharing dramas. My friend and I have similar parenting styles and we trust each other to treat our children appropriately. The kids always have a great day together. I think as long as you trust your friend, one day out shouldn't be a major issue.

Original poster
esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 06:32

@nellly i don’t think I said that? He’s more than used to the car drive, it isn’t the drive as such I’m worried about.

If they were somewhere local and he was struggling one of us could nip out and get him. If he’s an hour away we can’t really do that.

OP posts:
nellly · 01/09/2026 06:29

concertinacornflake · 01/09/2026 06:06

If this day out isn't right for him, you're allowed to say 'really sorry but we don't think he's well enough for a day trip what with all his recent infections. He's wiped out'

Don't second guess all your reactions. You've listed three good reasons why this isn't right for him at this time - his health, his behaviour, their interactions.

This is a good response but if you said this to me I would ask you to keep him at home. If he’s not up to a day out with a relatively short car drive I’d assume he’s not up to a day playing at my house tbh and it’s hard keeping kids entertained all day at home

Original poster
esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 06:27

@Peonies12 he’s had school trips but that is a little bit different: he knows the teachers well and school and nursery is a very different environment to being with your friend and his parents.

@concertinacornflake i agree; I was surprised by that line. I assume the meaning was that it she’s happy to do it that’s fine, but she may not quite realise what it entails!

@SpanThatWorld she can’t really bring him home if it’s an hour away and his friend is happy, that’s kind of my worry. If he’s utterly beside himself then yes but that’s unlikely to happen.

OP posts:
Bonsaibaby · 01/09/2026 06:17

If he’s well in terms of ear infections you don’t need to worry about that. I would chat to your friend about your concerns but aim for him to go as it will be a good opportunity for him in terms of doing something a bit more out of his comfort zone. But if your friend knows some potential areas of difficulty then she can be prepared. And send him with lots of snacks, 2 sets of each (or how ever many kids in total). Similarly if you know where they’re going you can show him some pictures and talk about what to do in different situations.

SpanThatWorld · 01/09/2026 06:08

When my kids were 5, I took them and their friends out without a second thought. My friends did the same with my kids.
Presumably if they get distressed or peevish, your friend brings them home.

concertinacornflake · 01/09/2026 06:07

It absolutely is not the other parent's decision - they invite, and invitations can be politely declined.

concertinacornflake · 01/09/2026 06:06

If this day out isn't right for him, you're allowed to say 'really sorry but we don't think he's well enough for a day trip what with all his recent infections. He's wiped out'

Don't second guess all your reactions. You've listed three good reasons why this isn't right for him at this time - his health, his behaviour, their interactions.

Peonies12 · 01/09/2026 06:05

It’s your friends decision! Kids are usually much better with other adults. Im surprised it’s a big thing for him / you - mine isnt even 2 and shes had quite a few day trips from nursery already.

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