Page 2 | To be worried about my five year old on a day trip without me?

esrlymorningdark · 2026-09-01T05:02:03+00:00

Next week, ds was going to spend a few hours at a friends house because I’m at work. DH can WFH that day so in my mind, DS would spend a couple of hours playing with his friend in the morning, home maybe for or just after lunch, and then DH could put a film on or he would play himself here and then I’d probably be home around 330. However, my friend has told me she plans on taking the boys on a day out which is a really lovely thought and I understand why. My worry is that it’s a good hour away and if ds is upset or missing us then there’s not anything we can really do. The other worry is that DS’s behaviour has been a bit tricky these past few weeks. He’s had a spate of ear infections and has barely got over one before the next and he is actually having grommets fitted in early October so hopefully not long to go. I am mindful though that he has been very argumentative and peevish lately and in all honesty his friend has a similar temperament and on occasion they can bring out the absolute worst in one another and I don’t want to inflict that on my friend! So - AIBU? DH can take the day off so no issue there.

HushTheNoise · 01/09/2026 09:13

21 year old teachers who have no children of their own can take 30 kids on a trip, I'm sure another parent can take two. It's usually easier having a friend on day trips anyway.

C8H10N4O2 · 01/09/2026 09:10

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:08

My communication must be pretty poor as I genuinely don’t know what you’re trying to say here, I’m really sorry. Is it that my posts don’t make sense? Sorry, I’m multi tasking.

I won’t be cancelling last minute, it isn’t until next Monday. And the money side of things is relevant as a day ticket to the place they are going to is £22 plus ice cream money etc. (I also don’t like the place at all but that’s by the by and I didn’t mention it in my OP as I’d swallow it for ds but I hate lining their pockets!)

Anyway; thanks for the responses

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But the point is the person you need to be having this discussion with is the other parent. None of us know your five year old or can give anything more than generic advice for five year olds.

Pick up the phone, talk to her, tell her he is a bit out of sorts at the moment due to recurrent ear infections and also has trouble with soft play acoustics. Suggest something less expensive locally and offer to cover lunch or DH can take the day off.

RosesAndHellebores · 01/09/2026 09:03

If he isn't well enough for a day out, he isn't well enough for a three hour play at someone else's house imo.

If you think he's well enough for the germ pool of year one later this week/next Monday, then he's well enough for a day out.

Mine had gromments much earlier due to intractible ear infections. They were completely life changing for them in the best possible way.

I'd send him for the day out and pack a bottle of calpol in case with a frank chat to your friend. I'd consider keeping him at home 7/10 days pre grommet to try to keep him infection free for the op. He'll have far less time off this term if he has it swiftly.

Ear infections are miserable. Mine both turned into much happier children once they were grommetted. Good Luck.

justasmalltownmum · 01/09/2026 08:56

Tell her not to take him?

Sereine · 01/09/2026 08:55

Is there a reasonable chance that he will be better by next Monday? It might be better to review the situation around Thursday.

TheGoddessFrigg · 01/09/2026 08:54

Wait until he finds out from his friend that they had a fun day out but his mum said no....

And in my workplace we are not allowed to childcare alongside 'working from home' as it often ends up neglecting both. Your child is realistically looking at an entire day watching TV

BunnyLake · 01/09/2026 08:50

Peonies12 · 01/09/2026 06:05

It’s your friends decision! Kids are usually much better with other adults. Im surprised it’s a big thing for him / you - mine isnt even 2 and shes had quite a few day trips from nursery already.

That’s kind of strange though. Why is it her decision where someone else child goes? The plan was for ds to stay at the friend’s house.

BeKindButBeFierce · 01/09/2026 08:50

I think it’s normal to be a bit worried, but I think it would do DS good to go. Children behave (usually!) much better for other adults. Apparently mine are absolute angels and so polite and helpful in cleaning up etc when at school or at friends houses, did query if they’d got the right child 🤣
Perhaps pre-warn your friend but out of earshot of DS. If he senses you’re worried or anxious, he’ll pick up on it. Be excited with him about it, and set firm expectations regarding behaviour.
He’s only 5 so I don’t want to be heavy on the ‘building resilience’ message but this sounds like a safe space for him to do

Original poster

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:50

A lot of the time the absolute best thing for him is to be out in the fresh air. Open spaces where he can run and climb are great. Enclosed spaces with loud noises and poor acoustics aren’t @dairydebris

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PenelopePinkerton · 01/09/2026 08:49

Your DH playing with himself while your 5yr old is around is a bit off😂

dairydebris · 01/09/2026 08:46

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:44

Use your words is really rather rude unless you’re talking to a three year old.

I am not ‘using my words’ on this occasion because I am using my head, my thoughts. And I agree with @PurpleThistle7 that the quoted post would be an extremely blunt and dictatorial to someone who ultimately is doing you a favour.

@Floppyearedlab his behaviour has become difficult in certain environments and situations because he’s half deaf and in a lot of pain. I don’t know if you know much about ear infections or perforation of the eardrum but I promise grommets are rarely put in now. They don’t do this unless it’s bad, and it is bad. He does have boundaries and consequences but equally I know some places are like a perfect storm for him at the moment and avoid them. Avoiding a place like this with someone he doesn’t know well isn’t the source of childhood anxiety that’s screens its exercising some common sense. I was wondering if I was being unreasonable but I don’t think I am as while there are a lot or helpful posts a lot are just personally insulting me, which isn’t helpful.

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He's currently half deaf and in a lot of pain? Then yes of course you keep him home surely?

Original poster

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:44

Randomchat · 01/09/2026 08:34

Talk to your friend. Use your words.

Say "ds has been out of sorts recently with his ears, his behaviour has been a bit up and down. I'm not sure how he'll manage with a whole day away at xyz place. I would prefer if you didn't take him this time and just stayed somewhere quieter closer to home".

Use your words is really rather rude unless you’re talking to a three year old.

I am not ‘using my words’ on this occasion because I am using my head, my thoughts. And I agree with @PurpleThistle7 that the quoted post would be an extremely blunt and dictatorial to someone who ultimately is doing you a favour.

@Floppyearedlab his behaviour has become difficult in certain environments and situations because he’s half deaf and in a lot of pain. I don’t know if you know much about ear infections or perforation of the eardrum but I promise grommets are rarely put in now. They don’t do this unless it’s bad, and it is bad. He does have boundaries and consequences but equally I know some places are like a perfect storm for him at the moment and avoid them. Avoiding a place like this with someone he doesn’t know well isn’t the source of childhood anxiety that’s screens its exercising some common sense. I was wondering if I was being unreasonable but I don’t think I am as while there are a lot or helpful posts a lot are just personally insulting me, which isn’t helpful.

OP posts:

Onelifeonly · 01/09/2026 08:41

You know your own child. Go with your instincts. A whole day out with adults he doesn't know well is a lot at this age.

PurpleThistle7 · 01/09/2026 08:36

Randomchat · 01/09/2026 08:34

Talk to your friend. Use your words.

Say "ds has been out of sorts recently with his ears, his behaviour has been a bit up and down. I'm not sure how he'll manage with a whole day away at xyz place. I would prefer if you didn't take him this time and just stayed somewhere quieter closer to home".

The other mum isn’t a friend - the kids are friends.

I wouldn’t appreciate a message like this honestly. Send your kid or say no thanks, easy enough. And work on the behaviour issues so he won’t have to miss out next time.

Randomchat · 01/09/2026 08:34

Talk to your friend. Use your words.

Say "ds has been out of sorts recently with his ears, his behaviour has been a bit up and down. I'm not sure how he'll manage with a whole day away at xyz place. I would prefer if you didn't take him this time and just stayed somewhere quieter closer to home".

dairydebris · 01/09/2026 08:24

If he's got an active infection making him grumpy and poorly then keep him home.

If he hasn't, let him go. Yes there may be the odd meltdown or uncomfortable feeling but thats fine for him to experience and get through.

No wonder kids are so anxious these days with parenting like this. If hes healthy you honestly believe hes better off sitting on a sofa watching hours of TV alone rather than being out in the world experiencing all the things he needs to, with his friend and a trusted adult? 😬😬😬

Floppyearedlab · 01/09/2026 08:21

If his behavior is really this bad and unpredictable perhaps you should both be staying home and working on that.

Laiste · 01/09/2026 08:20

OP - god love you for asking for parenting advice on mumsnet 🤣

You know your kid. You know your friend.

If you think it's best that this time he doesn't go then that's what you should go with.

So my advice is trust your gut.
👍👍

Whinge · 01/09/2026 08:19

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:14

Her reply was to communicate and it was this I didn’t understand. But I think I have enough answers now; will give it some thought this morning. I’m leaning towards giving him a day with his dad - apart from anything else it is cheaper

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Is it cheaper if his dad actually needs to take a day off work?

It seems a shame to cancel a day with a friend. Especially if the other parent knows he might be a bit emotional, and is still happy to go ahead with the trip.

Raptors · 01/09/2026 08:18

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:14

Her reply was to communicate and it was this I didn’t understand. But I think I have enough answers now; will give it some thought this morning. I’m leaning towards giving him a day with his dad - apart from anything else it is cheaper

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She meant communicate with other parent. As in tell her he has had ear infections, might get silly etc I thought it was pretty sensible advice given how much you're worrying about the day. I would communicate ASAP if you've decided to change plans because her son will likely be quite excited about a day out with a friend and sad that he's now not coming and the day out likely won't happen without him.

Also is it genuinely cheaper for your husband to miss a whole day of work than it is for you son to have a day out with a friend? That seems unlikely.

Original poster

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:14

Raptors · 01/09/2026 08:10

This poster was quoting your post and it's followed by her reply.

Also you might not like the choice of venue but I suspect the other parent is not going for something you or she would like but something the children would enjoy.

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Her reply was to communicate and it was this I didn’t understand. But I think I have enough answers now; will give it some thought this morning. I’m leaning towards giving him a day with his dad - apart from anything else it is cheaper

OP posts:

Batmanisaplaceinturkey · 01/09/2026 08:11

QuirkyHorse · 01/09/2026 06:39

How can your dh be expected to work from home with a 5 year old to look after? 🤔

He will be fine, he will probably have fun.

THIS

Raptors · 01/09/2026 08:10

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:08

My communication must be pretty poor as I genuinely don’t know what you’re trying to say here, I’m really sorry. Is it that my posts don’t make sense? Sorry, I’m multi tasking.

I won’t be cancelling last minute, it isn’t until next Monday. And the money side of things is relevant as a day ticket to the place they are going to is £22 plus ice cream money etc. (I also don’t like the place at all but that’s by the by and I didn’t mention it in my OP as I’d swallow it for ds but I hate lining their pockets!)

Anyway; thanks for the responses

Show quote history

This poster was quoting your post and it's followed by her reply.

Also you might not like the choice of venue but I suspect the other parent is not going for something you or she would like but something the children would enjoy.

Original poster

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:09

@fumingrightnow1 he isn’t scared and I am scared of him ruining a day out rather than the car crashing or anything. I know some people do think it’s anxiety and it isn’t, I do know my own DS though and I’ve had to leave a few places this summer due to problems arising.

OP posts:

Original poster

esrlymorningdark · 01/09/2026 08:08

MyDeftDuck · 01/09/2026 07:59

“I realise a lot of people think I’m anxious and as a rule I’m not but at the moment I am a bit guarded about him as he has been unpredictable lately and I don’t really want someone else to have to deal with that. It is also hard thinking of him in pain or discomfort (and he doesn’t tend to verbalise this) and not have a familiar adult.”………..then have a conversation with the other child’s parents and explain. If I were taking another child out for the day who wasn’t feeling well I’d be pretty annoyed if a situation developed because of it I hadn’t been pre-warned.
Communicate with people OP…….it isn’t rocket science!

My communication must be pretty poor as I genuinely don’t know what you’re trying to say here, I’m really sorry. Is it that my posts don’t make sense? Sorry, I’m multi tasking.

I won’t be cancelling last minute, it isn’t until next Monday. And the money side of things is relevant as a day ticket to the place they are going to is £22 plus ice cream money etc. (I also don’t like the place at all but that’s by the by and I didn’t mention it in my OP as I’d swallow it for ds but I hate lining their pockets!)

Anyway; thanks for the responses

OP posts: