To be worried about my five year old on a day trip without me?

He's 5 years old and goes to school - why on earth would he miss you on a day out? And why don't you think his friends' mum can cope with two school-aged children?

I think in general people don't volunteer to do things beyond their capacity. Sometimes it's easier managing kids outside the house rather than indoors.

It is worth explaining the acoustic problems with soft play and that she may need to be in front of him and looking at him for him to hear her.

Worth sending paracetamol/ ibuprofen with him to administer at lunchtime if he's in ongoing pain.

Other than that trust that she can manage him if he is upset like she'd manage her own and in an emergency you or your husband could be available by video call.

There’s always at least two people. One at the front of the line of kids and one at the back to make sure the stragglers don’t wander off.

Good idea. I always put a bright t shirt on my two. Makes it much easier to monitor them.

Why are you expecting him to freak out without you? Has this happened previously?

Why did you agree to the playdate in the first place then? Sounds like your son can be challenging and most kids are better out the house than in, so if she knows they don't generally play well she probably thought best to get them out and about.

If she has already bought tickets then I think it's rude to cancel and you should have never agreed to this in the first place and just got your DH to book the day off (as I think you say somewhere this isn't an issue). This would have saved wasting the mums time and effort in sorting something out and also thinking her own child would have company for the day which she might need to now rethink when you inevitably cancel.

I’m saying that you should be having a conversation with the other child’s mother OP! Express your concerns to her.

Why is your first thought if your son gets upset to go and get him? How do you think that will set him up for his life?
If he's upset and you're not there he will learn to get over it himself or with help from his friend or your friend.

Overthinking parent again
Let him go, let him cope with what happens when Mum isn't around.
Best to prime other Mum about it.
Think how he might like a day off from Mum supervising his every move.

Just give your friend the heads up on his ears and let him benefit from a day out.

You’re over thinking this and sound like a bit of a fruit loop

It's one of those things that you won't know what will happen until it happens. Personally I would ask your son if he fancies this day trip and if it's a yes, get him ready for it, talk about it and how much fun they will have. That should help with confidence of being without mum.

If you don't want him to go because he's not well and playing up then well, tbh, it's probably best he doesn't go to your friends at all. I should imagine though that your child will be too busy having fun on their day out to be argumentative and quite often children act better with other adults.

Bless you, I bet your ears hurt after reading all of this too 🫣

Just keep him home. Soft play would clearly be too much - it’s loud and echoey at the best of times. There will be other opportunities but it’s not worth the risk right now.

I’m probably more wary than most as a SEN parent with a child who struggles with noise - I did wonder whether your little one’s struggles were all related to the infections etc but I’m guessing that any consideration of SEN / sensory processing disorder etc has been factored into the mix when he’s been to the doctors / specialists. Needless to say, I hope all goes well with the grommets and he has a good day with dad ❤️

If you don't want him to go, you can just say no thank you.

But I don't think that's reasonable. In my experience, my kids and their friends have been dreamy when together and the dynamics are very positive. They want to have a good time with their friend. Their focus is on whatever fun activity or experience they're having and jokes and chats with their buddy. It's different with siblings.

One of my son's best mates was fab with us in the day but would want to go home if it was a sleepover. I've never ever ever had a friend of a child miss their parent during a day with me. Same with nephews.

If he's unwell and has earache, that's enough of a reason to say he can't go. But I think the potential for a 5 year old to miss you is waaaay lower than you think. A 2 year old? Very different. At 5 they're used to days away from your presence, and this sounds like it's likely to be a fun day out and a real treat for him and his little mate.

I bet he’d be absolutely fine and I think it’s unusual you wouldn’t want him to go, unless mum is totally ineffective.

But he’s your child so you can to decide where he goes and with whom.

I think it would be worse in the house in this situation which is probably why the mum is bringing them out. 1:1 will create way more time to argue, there will be loads of distractions at soft play. As she’s bought the tickets now it’s really awkward to cancel - obviously you’ll pay her back but her son probably wouldn’t go on his own.

There is an episode of Kevin the teenager when they are both so polite to the friends parents and horrible horrors to their own!

Dress him in bright colours so she can keep
am eye on him and give him a keyring with the friends number and yours if he gets lost

If he’s anything like DD, he’ll be an angel child for other people.

People constantly tell me how well behaved and polite DD is and while we do see that side of her, she is definitely miles better with people who aren’t her parents!

If she's already booked the tickets then I would let him go.

So what if the day out isn't perfect and he's a bit grumpy or sulky. His friend will just get on with it and DS will sit with the mum and gave a drink or snack and do what he feels up to doing. So he might be encouraged out his comfort zone a bit, is that so bad.

Obviously if he's actually ill, keep him home, but otherwise you are being over the top. We can't curate our children's lives so every experience is perfect, this sounds like an 80% day at worst, still fun memories, still learning to be around another family, seeing new things that you don't like taking him to. The stuff about working each other up in the car sounds slightly silly to anyone with more than one child (isn't that normal)!!

Well the drip feed of him having hearing loss and struggling specifically in soft play would have been something I’d start with. I would want to know that as the other mum! It really sounds like your son needs to be home so just have your husband take off and spend time with him. I don’t think he should go on a play date ‘or’ a day trip in this situation.