to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

I agree with this. We always excuse this male behaviour because it’s apparently biological instinct for men to look, particularly at younger more fertile women apparently… I honestly think a man is in control of his mind enough not to gawp at women.

That's because women are subtler. Doesn't mean they don't notice.......

Your DH is a disrespectful letch and I'm not surprised you're annoyed.

Regarding other posters, it pisses me off when people say "no matter how much older women can't stand it" as if we're all just dried up jealous old prunes wishing we were 20 again.

No. It makes me livid because like many older women I remember how it felt to be a young woman living her life and minding her own business and having disgusting old men leering, ogling, remarking and sometimes groping and it's depressing and grim that it still happens in 2026. I think the best thing about getting older is not having to put up with that gross shit any more but it's not because things have got better, it's just that I've aged out of the target range.

It makes me furious for young women that they're still having to deal with this shit.

Noticing briefly is ok, gawping as the DH seemed to be doing is not.

Not sure why there's a debate about whether its okay to look, the problem is he did it so obviously he didnt give a shit about if he would make her or you uncomfortable, he doesnt care if anyone thinks he's a creepy old perve, thats the gross bit, that he cares so little about women that he doesnt care if he makes them uncomfortable or not....

Yeah, it's the turn around that does it. Up till then, I would say absolutely normal behaviour for either sex. Are you seriously telling me you never notice an attractive man (of any age) when you're out and about, especially if he's obviously well-dressed or particularly handsome/physically fit? When I was on holiday recently, I (73) and another lady in her 50s were in the pool and there was an absolutely beautiful young man walking to the sunbeds. We both enjoyed the view! Doesn't mean either of us would have dreamed of behaving inappropriately or approaching him, or that we were comparing him to our partners, but it is absolutely natural for humans of any age to notice attractive humans of any age. Whether you like it or not it's instinctive. But still no to the head swivel, have some decorum!

What a load of nonsense. “Research”? Would love to see your sources, lol.

Did you read the OP 😂 He watched her leave, he didn't wolf whistle or stand up for a better angle. His gaze lingering was disrespectful to the OP, the woman in question had her back to him though, she wasn't being disrespected by being merely looked at!

There's a difference between a lustful look (one designed to get your attention) and an unintentional second glance. I quite enjoy the second glance from a man, it's an ego boost.

I’d tell him to stop being so tacky! 🤢

I think a quick glance at a hottie is fine, but keep it to a glance. My husband definitely has a type so when we’re out and about I know where he would look before he looks, I’ve never actually seen him looking though so he’s either super sneaky or doesn’t look. We kind of joke about finding other people attractive though as it’s a good way to keep it light. Unfortunately I cannot cast a spell on him so he only ever finds me attractive, but he does a good job of pretending I’ll give him that. I can be guilty of going a bit sappy over a handsome man apparently. Last week we had a waiter and I’m not gonna lie: absolute babe alert! When we got in the car my husband did say we’re never going there again because the staff are too handsome so I guess he also noticed. Sometimes if I see a particularly stunning woman that’s his type I’ll say “oh my god do not look over there!”

It would make me sad if I saw him proper looking, especially at someone significantly younger (we are 27 and 28 so it is a bit different, if I caught him looking at a teenager I’d definitely find that very creepy).

Your mistake was not to call him out on it. I would have said Oh I think you have dropped something. And when he swivelled back round to say What? I would have said, Your eyes in her cleavage or similar

Exactly this! The OP noticed that the woman was attractive, there's no shame in noticing.

The line is crossed when your partner feels disrespected/insecure by 'blatant' noticing.

If you reverse the sexes, it can make it clearer. Finding a young woman attractive is fine and not the point, as everyone has already pointed out. I’m not sure how old you are, but imagine you are 51 (52 a few seconds later). You see a very attractive 20 year old male walk past you. Do you then swivel your chair round to have a good look at his arse for as long as he is walking? I’m going to assume it’s a no. For me, if I’m looking at someone’s arse, it’s because I’m imagining having sex with them. If I look at their face, it’s because I find them attractive. If I stare for longer than necessary, that’s because I fancy them and am waiting to see if we can catch eyes so it’s mutual. I would NEVER stare at am attractive 20 year olds arse, because I’m never going to imagine d having sex with them, because it’s not right.

I agree perving is not ok, and staring for a lengthy period is rude and wrong, and no one should ever make someone else feel uncomfortable by looking at them in a sexual way… but there’s a fine line between a subtle look and a blatant stare… having r as the OP again, yes, it was clearly more of a blatant stare so I take back some of what I wrote… but expecting men not to find young women attractive is unrealistic, even your saintly DH.

I would be pissed off mainly with the demonstrative nature of this. You would not be the only one who'd seen him turning around - its pathetic and embarrassing.

You cant stop men looking at pretty females or at least noticing them, but at his age surely he understands how to behave in public/ how not to she disrespect for his partner. Saddo.

If he's that obvious in a cafe when he's out with his wife, imagine how vile he is at the gym.

@EnglishRose26

My dh never looks at young girls, he finds it repulsive and does not find them attractive…

Well obviously he tells you that given the rest of your post…. Why would he risk being honest about it?

It just means he finds 20-something women attractive, like all men do. The women was walking away so it’s not like his looking impacted her. He had what he thought was a sneaky look at a young attractive woman, and that no one would notice - unfortunately for him his DW did… This doesn’t make him an evil pervert.

YABU. They’re both adults. Looking at attractive people is natural instinct. Nothing wrong with that.

Being married or in a relationship doesn’t stop you fancying other people, nor should it.

It’s more that he’s doing that in front of you OP! I’ve seen stunning women walk past before (and felt insecure) and my DH hasn’t even looked their way and I hope all DHs do the same in presence of their OHs!