to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

It’s impossible to stop people looking at who they want to look - especially men, who are notoriously vile in this department - but the following her around with his eyes is pretty grim, even worse considering he was with company. It’s pretty disrespectful, in fact.

With that much ego and that much training I’d be a bit wary too. He obviously wants validation.

Well there have been threads about this before. About people who actually fantasise they are having sex with someone else whilst having sex with their partner.
I understand that some people can divorce sex and love and fantasies about having sex with other people is normal for them.

My personal view is if you are in a committed and loving relationship then fantasising about having sex with some one else is totally disrespectful and a betrayal.of the person you are supposed to love and care about. Tbh I see very little difference between fantasies about and wanting to have sex with some one else and actually physically doing it.

That's you.

For me, I am absolutely not imagining having sex with them, I'm just appreciating a beautiful man. I might notice a beautiful woman as well, in terms of body, not just face, and I'm as straight as a ruler.

I have learned to be discreet though. Back when I was a teenager I remember getting so distracted by a beautiful man I walked headfirst into a lamppost. Oops.

Ps: I'm assuming all the most beautiful men thread men are all within a suitable age range 😉

I think it's normal to notice attractive people. However turning around etc is disrespectful to you and the young lady in question. Given you haven't noticed this behaviour before it doesn't seem like a pattern and seems somewhat overreactive given he didn't talk to her or apparently make it known to her that he was checking her out.

Also it's just as creepy if he is 52 and looks decades younger, it's being in his fifties that makes it creepy, not his chances of success.

Are you seriously suggesting that anybody who is married cannot ever fantasise about another person even if the object of the fantasy is the same age as them and it's not leering but just fancying somebody on TV?

I think it’s absolutely natural to look at someone you find attractive. I know Ive looked at really attractive men many times when I’ve been with my husband, and at my age, they are invariably much younger than me. Im not being disrespectful towards my husband, or thinking that anyone more than half my age would be remotely interested in me, but I can still appreciate someone I find attractive. It doesn’t bother me at all if my husband looks at other younger women - if I notice then I tell him jokingly that he’s being a pervy old git, and he says similar to me.

No.
I'm not sure that's true.
I'm not going to pretend that an average 51-year-old would have a chance with a women in her twenties.
A fit, handsome, successful, charismatic one, though, he may stand a chance.

He is literally old enough to be her father. It is grim. As your son's 21, does this mean he'd be letching after any female friends of his? It's really gross. It's also gross that he's being so obvious about it that you'd notice. Not just as your husband, but any man you're with. It feel predatory and grim.

I'm not up to date with the wording of wedding vows but I assume they still contain the words Forsaking all others, or similar, or a vow to respect and love your partner
In my world lusting after other women is not compatible with the promises of faithfulness and respect.

Of course people notice attractive women, or men, but that is totally different from eyeing them up. That implies assessing them as a potential sexual partner. If a married man , or one in a supposedly committed relationship eyes up other women of course he is being disloyal aand disrespectful to his wife or partner.

I don't get all the drama about this.

The main bit I would have (major) issue with is him disregarding my feelings to the point he was openly ogling other women in front of me. However OP said he didn't realise he could be seen by her and she's never seen him do it before.

The other potential issue is the young woman herself but given she was leaving the cafe presumably he couldn't be seen by her either.

So it all sounds rather unfortunate that OP spotted her partner looking very unattractive eyeballing another woman.

It's pretty gross that she was possibly a teen last year but OP doesn't know that for sure and her DH definitely didn't know either.

I think we look longer at goodlooking people as simply put, it's nice to look at them but also surprising when you see someone in exceptionally great shape in real life. Her husband is into keeping in shape himself so there's an extra layer of appreciation for good physique as it's an acknowledgement of hard work.

I think you should drop this. He didn't mean for you or her to see him. It was hurtful for you (which is a natural reaction) but not intentional on his part.

In a 20-year-old's eyes, he is an old man though.

Oh wow! A whole load of assumptions here.

If I'm looking at someone's arse (tend not to as I'm more into face/arms/pecs) I most definitely am not thinking of having sex with them. In fact if I'm looking at an attractive man it's not sex I'm thinking of but an appreciation of their beauty. Pretty much like a work of art or one of those moody shots of a James Dean or a David Beckham (for want of a better example).

It's not all about sex and perving but yes, I may follow the moves of an attractive man, hopefully a bit more discreetly than OP's partner. I couldn't get too bothered if a partner looked at another woman, even if it was sex they were thinking of. What goes through their mind in that moment is a whole world away from what they realistically are interested in pursuing.

"Old man"?? He's 51 ffs 🙄

(although agree he shouldn't be doing this in front of his wife, disrespectful)

You’re being sensitive. I don’t know about everyone else but I admire strangers all the time for various reasons, from little boys wearing a cool tshirt to old ladies with fantastic hair. I also admire young women with great figures sometimes too. It isn’t remotely sexual, it’s normal to enjoy looking at things that look good,

He's a disrespectful bellend.

Ask how he would feel about a man looking at his DD this way. I’ve seen grown ass men do this to my daughter since she was 13.

That's probably worse, she's a body to him not a person. Letchy bastard.

Yes, we do. Well, at least I do.

But there's a difference in a glance and noticing someone's beautiful, and creepily watching them as they walk away, eyes out on stalks

There's nothing in the wedding vows about not eyeing up other people. If there is then I hold my hand up as guilty.

IMO middle aged men obviously eyeing up 20 year olds is seedy behaviour. However, a quick admiring glance is hardly crime of the century.

In this case it definitely comes under seedy behaviour.

Putrid.

Disrespectful to you to oggle someone in your presence and just plain vomit making to eye up a girl young enough to be his daughter.

I'm always wary of people, men or women, who claim they can't help gawping at the young and beautiful.

We can all see them, but most normal adults don't start eye fucking them.

A) Because that is what you do to people you want to have sex with, not invite for dinner to see if they can become your son/daughter in law.

B) We can remember the gross sticky feeling of realising an old letch with no chance was daring to undress you with their eyes.

It’s natural to look, we all do it, but you can be subtle about it and not hanging out of our seats. The way you’ve described it makes him sound like a real perv. I hope the young lady wasn’t uncomfortable, assuming she clocked it.

Do men ever really look at an attractive women without then imagining having swx with them? Is it ever a glance at someone beautiful? Am a middle aged woman.

A cursory glance when someone attractive walks by is fine. A leer is not

So he thinks this behaviour would be fine if she was older? What is the cut off, in his mind? Even a 30 year old woman is closer to his daughter's age than his!