to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

I once dated a man who suffered from owl-swivel-head whenever a woman walked by. It is disrespectful to your partner. We all look. I spot gorgeous men but to stop and stare, turn your head and gawp, it's not on.

I binned mine and found a better one.

Either way, most young women barely out of their teens don't want to fuck a man who's their father's age unless they have crippling daddy issues, or he's rich as sin. I would think you were an outlier.

If you can rein it in at any point, then it isn’t “programming”. It’s a choice.

Re-read what I said.

Noticing an attractive human as they walk through your line of vision isn't the same as having your head on a swivel and following them as they go.

I can notice and appreciate an attractive human passing by without slavering after them and trying to keep them in my vision as long as possible (why do people even do it? It's so obvious and sleazy).

My DD is 20. The amount of attention she gets from old men is ridiculous. Creepy as....

Noticing someone as they walk through your field of vision is normal. An older person actually turning their head to keep looking at someone young enough to be their child, so they can continue eye-fucking them for as long as possible, is grotty, sleazy, and pathetic – oh, and pointless.

News flash as guy who spends half his time down the gym likes looking at other people.

You caught him out once in 8 years so either he is not wandering around slack jawed staring at the rest of humanity or your monitoring is lax.

That's absurd. Of course she is not a perv. What is wrong with you people? To enjoy the appearance of an attractive young man, without making it obvious, awkward, or self-conscious, is a natural and healthy thing to do. You sound like you'd like everyone to go around with blinkers on, lest they inadvertently catch sight of a good-looking person and think "Hmm, tasty."

Some 20-year-olds maybe. In my eyes when I was that age, someone in their 50s was middle aged.

Only if you're being really controlling. No one should seek to control somebody else's thoughts, even if they're in a relationship.

I'm a bisexual woman and I'm actively choosing not to date men now, especially as I head closer to 40. I feel quite lucky I can opt out of having to deal with this perverted nonsense. I feel bad for straight women who have to put up with this.

Get a life will you please? I haven't personally normalised anti-social behaviour... what a ridiculous claim. She was hot and wearing a tight dress. The man turned his head after she had walked by the table and kept watching as she went out the door - she didn't see him. He didn't realise she was so young, he also didn't realise his partner could see him.

Many times my partner has referred to me as 'head turner' if I'm wearing a mini skirt or whatever and I'm walking a bit away from him. I had no idea that any men's heads turned towards me as I had already walked by. It certainly didn't make me uncomfortable or creeped out. I'm not young anymore but it wouldn't have bothered me then. The only men who bothered me then were the dickheads who openly ogled, made prolongued eye contact or tried to engage in conversation. But OP's partner did none of this.

I would hate to see my partner doing this, it would make me feel shit. I would also hate to see him sitting on the toilet or old photos of him being intimate with his ex before we met but I know these things happened. It is very unfortunate that OP saw him but it's clear he thought she couldn't.

The OP feels hurt. I would too. But you and other posters are trying to convince her that she's with a wrong 'un.

I'd be astounded if after almost 30 years together if he'd never eyed up/thought about another woman.
The important thing is we love each other and are in a committed relationship.

I'd be astounded if after almost 30 years together if he'd never eyed up/thought about another woman.
The important thing is we love each other and are in a committed relationship.

I would've considered him an old man when I was that age, and I liked older men...but not men older than my actual father. Unless he's as attractive as Brad Pitt at 51, I think most 20-year-olds will consider him an old man, no matter how physically fit he is.

You mean between wanting to cheat with someone else and actually physically doing it?

They are both betrayals.

You are entitled to your own opinion. With the caveat of course that your spouse is also on board with this view point.

Exactly this, male perspective here but I feel like it is a natural reaction to seeing someone you find attractive to want to look at them. Anyone who says they have never glanced at an attractive member of whichever sex they are attracted to isn't being honest.

However once the natural reaction has worn off and you are thinking you then look away, you don't turn round in a coffee shop to watch them leave, that is the element that crosses from natural to creep.

I would also say it is weird someone in their 50s finding a 20 odd year old that attractive. I am in my mid 30's and wouldn't look at any woman younger than around late 20s, they just wouldn't be someone that would catch my attention.

Undisguised ogling is gross. A discreet look, even a continued one, is absolutely fine and normal.

Generally it's difficult to know from online posts whether any given situation is ogling or discreet looking - not difficult to know in real life though.

I generally bear in mind that a substantial amount of MN posters think that any sexual thoughts at all are "grim" and "vile" and "perverted".

There's a massive, obvious difference 😂

Im sure in 5yrs time hed love the thought of a 50+ man doing the same to his DD!
I went on a works night out, lots of younger women, I was early 40s. Standing at the bar I watched older men, my thought was late 50s letching over 20yr old beautiful woman and it really turned my stomach. It wasn't discrete, there were comments and (misogynistic) 'banter' which some of the women laughed off and others looked decidedly uncomfortable!
Im not saying people can't look/appreciate but nit if its blatant and is upsetting to someone(including DW!)

Forsaking all others refers to not actually sleeping with anyone else. Eyeing up/fantasising about others (men in my case) is fine doesn't mean you don't love your spouse.
That's my take on my wedding vows anyway 😁

Its a no from me. By way of contrast, my DH and I are the same age as your DH and he told a work colleague also our age that ogling a 20 year old co-worker is not on.

Gross.

The drama is that he’s openly behaving like a letch in public, which is embarrassing to his wife and highly likely to be creeping out the young women he’s doing it do. Anti-social behaviour is a problem even if you personally have normalised it.