to expect 51 year old DH not to look at 20 year olds?

Yeah, that’s extremely grim behaviour. As a younger woman, I was repulsed by men who subjected me to this sort of behaviour and had nothing but contempt for them. It happened to me almost every day of my life (and often multiple times a day) for at least fifteen years.

Young women can be subjected to this many times a day in many forms - leering, comments, horn beeping etc. I remember one old man absolutely terrifying me when he sped past on his motorbike, threw his arms in the air, and (literally) screamed a sexual comment at me - I was fourteen.

It’s vile behaviour. There’s a huge difference between noticing someone yet choosing to respect their humanity by not leering, and leering. Embarrassingly for your husband, to a twenty year old woman, a man in his fifties will almost certainly seem unfathomably old. At best, she will likely be repulsed. At worst, she will be intimidated, especially as you mention your husband’s strong physique.

Behaviour like that of your husband affects the way women go about their day to day lives. It affects the space they feel able to take up in the world. It’s a fundamental violation of their right to feel safe in society. Please show your husband this comment. He needs to do better.

Absolutely. And frankly, while I'm glad my DH isn't the sort to eye up other women, I don't take offence to people of either sex noticing and appreciating an attractive stranger - it's when it becomes a stare that's obvious enough to be noticed (either because they turn their head on a swivel, or they show the leer in their expression) that I think it becomes distasteful. Gross.

I would hate if I caught DH doing that. I’d be disgusted. We have a 17 year old daughter.

He is an old man compared to the yound girl he is perving after.🙄

He's 11 years older than you, he is clearly into "younger women". The older they get, the grosser it is.

I am not affronted by any facts, including that older women and women of all ages notice and appreciate hot men and that women find fat men a lot less attractive than ones in reasonable shape.

I am revolted and disgusted by leery, pervy creeps, of either sex, though most of them are men.

It's never difficult not to slobber and perve, no matter your age or sex and it is anti social, disrespectful, pathetic and repulsive to do so.

I don't think they were actually joking tbf. True words spoken in jest etc.

I've literally overheard men joking that this is what sunglasses are for.

Looking to the point that other people notice it for what it is, is ogling, and unnecessary.

I'll defo have a good look at a bloke's arse in the gym if we're talking two boiled eggs in a hanky type. That's what the mirrors are for. 🤣

I used to see a guy who did this. It gave me an actual physical reaction, like an uncomfortable shudder. I trusted my gut!

The person I was quoting wasn't talking about ogling though. She was talking about men just looking at women they find attractive. Totally different. I get stared at by much older men all the time too, actually I'm used to being stared at by everyone, doesn't bother me at all, it's been happening all my life.

Hence why I said people learn to act 'decently'.

Let's not pretend that a lot of women aren't affronted by the fact that middle aged men still find young women attractive, irrespective of how said men conduct themselves. The truth is that young women are usually objectively more attractive than middle aged women.

I'm always a little bemused when women on here seem surprised that their husband finds them less attractive after they put on five stone. Yes, most people get squidgier with age and personality is also a big factor, but generally if a man finds obese women attractive he'll go for one in the first place.

No, I think YOU'RE hilarious with your strange claims to know exactly who I'm "married" to or "dating" even thought you have absolutely no idea who I am.
AND you need to improve your reading comprehension skills. I said "young" girls not "little" girls.
AND of course the definition of paedophilia is important. It's something totally different from the whole subject of this thread, which is about a grown man looking at a grown woman of around 20.

Or, a third option, he's just not a gross lech – so even if he notices attractive women of any age, he's not blatant about it, and doesn’t ogle them, so no one would ever know he noticed in the first place.

I don't understand the point of blatant ogling. I get looked at all time by older men, and it's so pathetic. They're probably the sort who watch porn, so it's not like they can't look at naked/titillating women online whenever they like – what do they get out of ogling some ordinary woman just going about her day? I have to think the objectification is part of the fun.

It's odd you think paedophilia is hilarious. You're a very strange person altogether.

It's a common tactic for those who want to minimise paedophilia to try to focus on definitions ACKSHUALLY.... Nah. Everyone knows what a nonce is love. Including you.

So anyway, yep if you're claiming a man who isn't attracted to "little girls" is gay or a liar, you're listening to paedophiles.

HTH.

'Eye-fucking' just means he was blatantly, crudely leching – its not about whether or not she notices. And he was. He turned his head to watch her go past, so he could soak up every little bit of her body for his visual pleasure, and keep her in his eyeline for as long as possible. It's pathetic, and disgusting.

Noticing is fine, but ogling is gross.

You're hilarious 😁 It seems you actually don't know what a paedophile is. For your information it's someone attracted to PREpubescent girls or boys, not a perfectly normal man who finds sexually mature young women attractive.
A lot of women on here can't bear to acknowledge that it seems, it's pretty amusing to me.

I find it amusing that you take issue with the word I use to describe a man old enough to be the father of young woman barely out of her teens blatantly slavering over her, and not the action of the man.

Eye-fucking is very accurate; having read and heard men talk about it, he's almost certainly thinking 'yeah I'd like to fuck that', not something so adorably mild as 'she's sexy', and even thinking 'she's sexy' is leching and objectifying – AKA eye-fucking.

I dont have an issue with age gaps, as someone who likes older men (as I said), but 20 and 50s is disgusting on the part of the older person. Generally, I think if the gap is bigger than half your age plus seven, the power differential and life stages are too different.

Nope. It's not human nature to be a leering, slobbering old perve.

As has been repeated ad absurdum - both sexes look all the time and both sexes are perfectly capable of looking and looking away. Men do not behave like this when they are likely to be punched in the face or sacked and most men do not behave like slobbering, leering creeps in public.

OP should never have known what her husband was thinking. We all look, we all notice, all the time. Both sexes. And we all control ourselves and don't act like sad old perverts from a Benny Hill sketch, most of the time.

Nope, you attempted to claim that if a man isn't attracted to "young girls" (the exact phrase) he is gay or lying. My assumption that you are married to (or dating) a paedophile if you think this is true is correct.

'A chubby individual' not 'a chubby'! I'm not referring to the obese as 'chubbies'.

You obviously don't know what a paedophile is if you think they're attracted to women of 20😂 And I'm not married to anyone yet.

It's human nature. People don't suddenly stop finding young people attractive at a certain age. They just learn how to act 'decently'.

The difference is that women generally tend to prefer 'men' over 'boys', and males usually look much more masculine from about 30 onwards - bigger build, facial hair thickening with age, etc.

However, most women don't look better at 35yo than 25yo unless they were a chubby and lost it or something like that. I'd wager most women would find a 35yo rugby player more attractive than most guys in their 50s purely from a visual standpoint (which is how men tend to be wired).

God, how awful for you. I'm so sorry.

One of the reasons I find it so repellent is that my dad and my brothers absolutely never, and I do mean never ever, behaved like this. They'd notice I'm sure but never leer, slobber or perve. The most I ever heard my dad saying about a woman was an actress on TV and he said I always thought she was very pretty, it stands out in my memory because it was so rare for him to comment on a woman's looks.

It's weird to me how many people think it's normal for men to behave like this - especially when we all know they just wouldn't if she was with a large, scary man glaring at them, or in a job situation where they might get sacked. Everyone has the ability to behave properly, and if they don't they can stay home.

Everyone notices, nobody has to ogle, perve or leer. It's offensive, anti social, unacceptable and disrespectful to everyone, not just his wife.

And again, I'm really sorry your dad did this to you and your family.